i'm writing this story and i have one paragraph done but i need more help. First of all, its for a contest and its a story writing contest. i have till augest to write it . I can get halp from famliy and friends. I also can use the internet. But i really need help. Here is the first paragraph.
Samantha was a normal teenager in high school. She had a few good friends, even a crush on the 10th grade hottie Ryan. She had a large extended family of many cousins, aunts, uncles, in-laws, and grand parents. She also had five brothers and sisters. Unlike most people at her school her parents were divorced. That was the main problem. She had a secret that only her stuffed animals new about. The secret was why all the shirts in her wardrobe were long sleeve. She was an emotional wreck. It all started when she was thirteen and her parents got devoiced. Her life started to go down hill.
2007-03-21 12:07:27 · 12 answers · asked by ashlei 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
wow that sounds awesome
heres some ideas
make her start to meet a new fiend and they do alcohol then things get more extreme she starts doing drugs and she starts wearing revealing clothes and make her do cigarettes and have sex for money it'll be a great story. and at the end maybe use this line
Samantha was Trapped.
trapped in a world of drugs alcohol and sex
she cant escape now.
its all over.
2007-03-21 12:12:58 · answer #1 · answered by Brandon911 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I re-wrote your paragraph. Your version sounded fine, I just wanted to show you how to write it a slightly more descriptive way. I added a couple details, all of which you could change if you like my paragraph, to what you wanted to fit the story line. Good luck!
If you want any more writing help from me, add me to your contacts, and I'll email you with writing tips.
'Samantha Lastname was a normal teenager in an excellent high school. She had many good friends, even a crush, on the 10th grade heartthrob Ryan. Samantha had a large extended family, all of whom she loved dearly. She also had five younger siblings, who all adored her. This had average teenager had a secret, which had to do with her divorced parents. A secret that only her stuffed animals knew about. A secret that revealed why she only wore long-sleeve shirts, no matter the season. From 1990 she had been incredibly depressed, the year she had her 13th birthday. The year her dog caught a rabbit. The year her parents got their divorce. The year her life went down the drain.'
2007-03-21 19:31:50 · answer #2 · answered by selena620 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take it from a girl who has cutt herself. if you know nothing about it, dont write about it. people go through hard times and have no way of letting go, and turn to something else. dont talk about stuff this serious without having a personal experience. if you do have, or hopefully HAD, this problem, then im okay with you writing about it. im only a teeeen, like you(: , but im critical at criticizing writing bc, well, IM A WRITER! first off, your beginning needs to attract the readers attention. its one of the most important things in writing. and your beginnig doesnt do much for me. you list to many facts, use details. you need to give a breif, not to indepth, idea about what your story is about. i can see you do that, but you could do better. i KNOW you can(:
2007-03-21 19:17:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you might want to wirte about two kids that met when they were 8 and never like each others.. they were next doors neighbords.
the girl lives the state when she turn 17. then faith reunites them. the know the are in love and where ment to be. it was... destiny!!! but things happen along the way of there relationshio that makes them question each other about why they were ment to be.
2007-03-21 20:19:25 · answer #4 · answered by Traveling girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i cant write but i like the idea that she gets into drugs and sex
maybe than she has a dream to get into a high paying profession but cant becuase of her past\
i dont no if that helps
Good Luck!!!!!
2007-03-21 19:20:22 · answer #5 · answered by Music Lover 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok,, the first thing is there is too many "she" in there perty much every sentance starter. the beginning is soo boring use more verbs and those other thingymajigies ??? i cant remember .. those describing words ?adjectives? maybe well ya the end is very good .. keep it up
2007-03-21 20:01:29 · answer #6 · answered by Keayr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yo thats good, is she like cutting herself o.O good in stories but bad in real life. But's really good. i find you put to much like the ppl she knows in the starts of the paragrap but w.e im not goos at writing as u can see.
2007-03-21 19:54:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
plz email me a copy wen ur done it sounds like a really good story
2007-03-22 21:03:32 · answer #8 · answered by Gloom and Doom™ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i cant help u (terrible writter) but the story sounds great so far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think that sounds like the past you should write about the present day you know about the school life????????
2007-03-21 19:13:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
after you finish it can you like email me a copy it sounds really good.
2007-03-22 11:50:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋