MY BF forcefully engaged!!! How can we get out of this situation?

Question

My bf was forcefully engaged, please help.

My bf and I have been in love, and he had told this to his parents.
However, they were against this relationship.

Now when he went back to India, his parents told him that they had already chosen a girl for him and IT HAD BEEN ANNOUNCED to the relatives.
Worse, the engagement ceremony was scheduled for the next day!

My bf kept on calling me and told me everything that was going on, and I talked to his father also.
But what he told us was just that it had been announced, and there was no way to get back....

Anuj called me even just before going to the engagement, saying that we would be together...

Now, he is engaged, and it seems really difficult to break it as the matter is getting more and more open and known to more people.

What can we do? How can we break the engagement? (Anuj is afraid of any damage, physical assault to his family).

Please help us out urgently.
Thank you.

Answer 1

it depends on your boyfriend..if he really loves you...he will do everything to be with you..but if not - just move on with your life ;>

Answer 2

Hi, I am the person who posted the question. I did not know how to reaply to the answers, so I loged in with another ID.

Thank you everyone, really thank you. I did not expect so many replied to my question.
You have encouraged me a lot even by just listening to me, and giving me your opinions.
He actually told his parents that he loves me even before going back to India, and I just wonder if this is the very reason why his parents had made everything so ready that there is no way out for us.

As far as I know, he reached India on 16th night (Friday) and he got engaged on Wed.
I was soooo surprised.
He told me he did not know about all this…

I spoke to his father. He was saying sorry, “but for the family, please forgive us and sacrifice your love, because once said, we have to do it, this is the Indian culture”.
And Anuj told me that if they break the engagement, which has been now known to many people, the family will loose the dignity, will be totally out of the society, which he can not bear as he loves his family very much.
He was crying, and kept saying that he loves me, he wants to be with me, he can not live without me…but there is no way out…Everyone in his family was there when he said all this.
This was the day they went for the engagement ceremony.

I never want him to leave his family as I know he loves his family.
But I am not sure if it is right that his father decided everything in this way. I can not understand why he did so if he really loves his son.

Yes, his father said, “His mother or I will die if he breaks the engagement”.
Anuj said he is afraid of “physical assault” from the girls side if he breaks off the engagement as that would hurt the pride of the family.
I am not sure if this can really happen in India, but he said it is so in India…

I trusted him 100%. I am sad and do not know what to do.
I can not force him anything.
Maybe I am selfish to wish we somehow can be together against his parents will…his family has been with him troughout his life and I was with him for a part of his life.
But just very sad.

Thank you everyone.

Answer 3

Forget everything for your world has not crashed with this single failed relationship. He perhaps had not the courage to walk out of the engagement on whatever account he and his parents may tell and justify later. For a relationship to mature and succeed, it takes courage and commitment by both. Any lack of it, the relationship dooms, fails. So keep patience and don't lose heart, if no real damage (physiological) is caused. Just mind your well-being in such a situation. Compose, organise and begin again wisely and not emotionally alone.

Answer 4

I don't Know what the problem is here.
Who will make that decision ? Who will have the courage or will to make things happen the way they want it to be ?
First if your bf cannot stand for himself in his own family, how do you expect him to stand by you ? I am an Indian and I have seen many of my friends getting into arranged or love mariges. But it's never that it has been forced. Not in a decent middle class family at-least as i know of. Give your boyfriend the time he needs to get out of the mess which he has himself fallen into by not speaking up for himself in his family. If he can't make up in the time don't pretend and make yourself believe that he will come back to you in the end. That would be a dream .wake up and Walk into this open world. there are more beautiful hearts all around .Only you need to open your eyes.
Best wishes.

Answer 5

I really dont know what to say ,this is a really bad situation as my husband is pakistani ,your bf have to listen to his parents as respect ,his parent gave a word to the the other girl family and they cant change there mind ,as your bf allready got engaged that mean he can't so no to his parents ,maybe nobody can do anything about this ,because if he don't marry this girl his father will loose all the repect from all the family ,and your bf don't wonna loose his family ,I think you should let him get married even if you love him ,because if he don't get married his family will loose all the trust and respect .
I wish you all the best of luck.
And if he really love you he will come to you in th end.

Answer 6

Hey ! there is till time for everything. Y didn't ur BF talk to his fiancee about this. I'm sure she could have done something about this. Anyways it's not too late, call that girl & speak to her or to her parents about this. Once Anuj comes back to USA, u guys can register ur marriage here. All the best !

Answer 7

Different cultures have very different views on this. I think that you need to be well aware of this. If it comes down to safety, I would think that the best thing to do is for Anuj to go ahead & marry this other woman. Unless, he is able to talk with the woman's family and????

I think this is WHY we need to know what culture our significant others are from long BEFORE it gets that serious!!

Answer 8

Your BF shouldn't have participated in the engagement and prior to the function he should have talked to the girl and her father to cancel the programme apart from cajoling and convincing his father.He lost that golden opportunity.
Now also he can approach the girl and her father and ask for a decent parting but if the party is violent , he can approach a marriage counsellor to bring a change in the minds of all concerned.

Answer 9

if he is in India then he will probably stay in India and be married.
I don't think you have much hope of him coming back un-married or even coming back for a while.
If he should break away from this marriage he will be cut off from his family forever.
I am sorry that you fell in love with a man who has family so tied into the old ways but its very much the custom there, my sister lived there for a period of time and had to work very hard not to be married off for a green card. (she usa born)

Answer 10

He will have a wife of his parents' choice at their place and a gf of his choice at his place. Many Indian parents do not restrict their children from having love or sexual affairs till marriage. The marriages are fixed by parents mostly with any other than the ex.

Answer 11

India? Girl , there is nothing that you can do, sorry. Find an American, he might have a little more freedom. The Indian culture still has arranged marriages. Good luck.

See her post at the bottom, I am right. We Americans take our freedom for granted in so many ways....totally.