what do I do about my sister?

Question

my sister has been married for a few years, has a daughter from the marriage & another on the way. Thing is, 1. her husband cheats, looks at porno, is addicted to video games & is lazy as all get out. 2. All I've ever seen her feed her daughter was things like pudding, chips, & taco bell. Plus, she gets herself in a LOT of stress & thats no good for the baby. She won't leave her husband, she wont get counselling & she doesnt think theres anything wrong with how she feeds her daughter or how much stress shes under. I know I cant help her unless she wants the help, & even then itd be hard coz shes in another state.....I just need to know...for the kids' sake....what can I do to make sure they get what they need & not so much of what they dont need? Theyre not my kids, sure, but theyre my family all the same.....so what do I do? thanks so much

Answer 1

Theres alot you can do for her but at the sametime your going to be going upstream the whole time. You can be a great aunt, but your responsiblilities wouldn't end there. Espacially with that situation. Fact of the matter is all her problems are not just her husban or her lack of seeing what better she can do for her kids... its her inability to truly connect emotinally to people. The fact that you talk to her about her feeding habits and she couldn't see nothing wrong shows a lack of empathy which is usually a consquence of compassion, which is a product of love. Not to say that she doesn't love her kids, just that she isn't the best at accepting what that love means for her. Shoot all love really is, is a word used to describe the sum whole of all the feelings that we feel for an entity/individual/object. With that said she isn't accepting all that she feels, I mean how can she? If she did she'd have to accept that not only is she failing herself, her kids, but also her husban. Which is just sad... but its the truth, we only have ourselves to blame for not fixing/coping with the problems in our lives. And the fact that she allows him to get away with this behavior even thou he's a grown man is hurting his ability to accully be a grown adult. The fact is we don't need to be forced into a situation were its just us, a spouse, and our kids. I don't know who thought that should be the great america dream, but they forgot the most important part of the fomula; it takes a village to raise a child, and it takes the world to rasie an adult. How are we suppose to get this treatment when were forced to believe its all us. That in the end if her marriage is ruined, if she failed as a mother, its only her that carries the blame. NOT FAIR! And we wonder why people get defensive. Its all our faults, its even mine why I type this anwser, its every president thats stood before the american people, its the darn pligrams when they descide to cross the ocean, its everyones fault. Tell we all began to accept the blame, well theres no helping any one. Maybe you can change it, shoot I know I'm trying, and the best place to start is right in your own family. Let her know you understand, let her know you know that it can't be easy, let her know that you feel how unfair it is, let her know that your there for her and you'll do what it takes to keeps whats important alive, you've made the frist step you came here, the next step is to talk to her. And realize you know the truth, its all about family, everything else is just a distration.