I'm an emotional wreck...what is wrong with me?

Question

This is long and I appologize, but I need to give a lot of info in order to get my whole story across. I am married, have been for 17 years and have two children. My marriage has had its ups and downs, but I've never had the desire to cheat or anything like that at all...until recently. First I need to begin by saying my husband is a good man, good father, but from very early on he's been extremely critical of me...if it wasn't my housekeeping, it was my clothes, or my weight-nothing is ever good enough for him. For a long time, it wore away my self-confidence little by little. But two years ago, I went back into the work force after being of for over 10 years raising a family. It felt wonderful to be financially independent and it did wonders for my self esteem. Last August, I was sent on a month long business trip. For that month, I was on my own. And although I missed my children something fierce, I can honestly say I didn't really miss my hubby at all.

And to make matters worse, I met a man while I was there that I developed a huge crush on. Although NOTHING happened at all between us while we were there together, there was immediate chemistry between us and a lot of innocent flirting. We spent a lot of time together in our off time from work, eating out and sight seeing on weekends. I came to know him pretty well, and he is a good guy. And he gave me the attention my dh doesn't and made me feel like a beautiful smart woman again. But ever since I've come home all those months ago, I haven't been happy. I love my children, but that time spent away from their father really did something to me and I haven't been the same since. I wish I could go back and decide not to take that trip when I did, so I could have some normalcy in my life once again. I am not happy at home, but I don't want to hurt my children. Plus, I still think of this other fellow everyday of my life. We chat some and the chemistry is still there. Help...PLZ!

Answer 1

Just because you are married and have children does not mean you have to be unhappy. If you have actually realized that you are unhappy, I am sure you kids have noticed that too. I dont condone divorce, but I also dont condone sitting in misery for the rest of your life because you took some vows. If you truly arent happy and you want or need out, your kids will understand, if not now, one day. You only have one life to live, live it. Don't leave for another man, leave for yourself (if leaving is what you need to do). You say you are financially independent, use that and think about separating. You didnt miss him at all while you were gone, it sounds like you may no longer be in love with your husband. It happens, people change. Do what your heart feels is the thing to do, take it one day at a time. Good luck

Answer 2

I think the thing to ask yourself is do you know your husband? I have seen this alot as of lately and its been all over the tv. many couples go on about their lives not realizing everything they do is for the home or the children. When the children grow older more independant and or move out or the wife goes back to work and realizes that she is a somebody, The couple is left standing there looking at each other and thinking Do I Love you? Do I know you? How much do I know about you? IN short the couple really has no idea who they are or who each other is. Just remember that you loved this man or still love this man and its going to take some work to get to know each other again. Its hard to miss someone when you dont know them.

Answer 3

There is definitely a problem in the relationship, it is deeper than anyone here will be able to rectify, I would suggest you and your husband seek counseling, you have been married for 17 years, that didn't happen by chance, there must have been something there and probably still is. Try not to focus on the bad, no one is perfect and I am sure he's not either, the question is if your perfect for each other. I hope it all works out, and don't do anything you may regret later even if you break up you will not forgive yourself for being unfaithful, and it will only make matters worse.

Answer 4

I think having that time away just let you be yourself again. Getting positive attention is just what you needed but it really wouldn't matter who gave it to you. It's almost like what psychiatrists call transference where the patient begins to get feelings for the therapist because they're being heard finally. I think that's sort of what's happening here. This guy let you be you again so your feelings for him aren't entirely "real" if you know what I mean. Give it some time as far as this guy is concerned but it may be time to start planning what you want to do about your husband. Some therapy can really help you sort out your feelings and decide what ir it you truly want from your life. You owe it to yourself and your kids to get is all untangled.

Answer 5

You promised to stick with this one "til death (don't kill him, that'd be even worse for you!!)," so guess what? You have to stick it out. Now, that doesn't give him free reign to wipe his feet on you. It's time to drag his ungrateful @$$ into couples therapy. If he balks, then that is a good time to tell him what you've told us here. He needs to hear this, really hear it. Don't scream it at him, keep your voice low. There's nothing more scary than someone who delivers earth shattering news calmly. It let's the other know that you and the situation are serious, and that you have a pretty good handle on the solution. Your solution is seeing the marriage counselor. Don't let him say no, stand firm.

You're marriage is in trouble, but your husband has no clue. It's time for a wake up call!

Answer 6

Hmm...perhaps you should take more vacations from your husband...because then when you do, you won't feel like it is a new, exciting thing, but just time to clear your head and get away from the stress of life.
Or, maybe, since he has always been critical of you, you love him, and yet, you are not in love with him. Does that make any sense? You care about him and you have children with him, but you are not IN love with him. (Maybe you fell out of love with him, or maybe you never were in love with him and you settled.)
I would suggest thinking seriously about the pros and cons of your relationship, and figuring out why you didn't miss him. Maybe you need to take a day off a week where you don't have to worry about him, its just a "you day". Then, when you are with him, it wont feel like such a chore.
I must say, if you are considering getting out of the marriage, do NOT stay in it just because you have children. (My parents have told me many times that they are only together because they have me, and it makes it worse for the kids, I do belive)
Just follow your heart.

Answer 7

The grass always looks greener on the other side, until it comes time to mow it. bear in mind that your friend's intentions are most likely to get into your pants. You should be commended for not whoring yourself out and sleeping with him.

If you have a problem at home, go to your spouse and work on correcting it. Having an affair is not the answer.

Answer 8

First of all remember that you are also culpable. You must have let him be abusive for a long time. Writing a line in the sand is a good thing and you ought to have done it.

Telling people they need counseling is a bit of a cliche but this time I think it is appropriate. He seems to be a good man in most respects. He was just responding to the "kick me" sign on your back. He is not likely to listen to you but to a counselor, perhaps so.

I think you had better accelerate the process. I sense that you are about to seek greener pastures. But it is not always greener on the other side. Best Luck.

Answer 9

i think u r okay....im only 31 and allready relise its hard..life... i cant tell u y but women have a whole different way of thinking. My sel esteem was over after i married my husband (still Married) and i love him4 all that he is ....but i was selfish and it got me into trouble...but good 4 u for being financiall independent..we all should be in certain circumstancese...
nothing is wrong with you.just keep living it will work itself out..

Answer 10

Perahaps the criticizing has taken its toll on you and your not feeling him as much as you use to. Re-evaluate your marriage. You guys need to find the spark you had before you married. Sit down and talk and make decisions that work for the both of you.