Im only in my early twenties, but I have been in two serious relationships...my first one was almost 3 years long...I dont know if it was me getting bored in that one...he just turned out to be a liar and a cheater so I finally got up the nerve to dump him. Now I'm living thousands of miles away from my family with a new boyfriend of two years...and I find myself getting terribly bored. I always tell myself when I get home from work that I am going to be nicer to him, to make a spark and make it a great night with him, but it never turns out that way. We seem like an old married couple and we're only in our early twenties. its very depressing. I try so hard to make it exciting and everything, but I just find myself getting bored, miserable and grumpy. Why does this happen and is there anything I can do to make this better? I'm afraid the relationship is going to end, but I really love him...should it end? or is there something i can do to help the situation?! please help me.
2007-03-21 10:57:56 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Give yourself time, you are young, do not put too much pressure on yourself. I am in my forties and married "boring"!!! What you are experiencing is part of growing up, have fun!!
2007-03-21 11:02:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, two thoughts:
First, there's something called "love obsession" that is the real intense "I can't live without him" kind of love. It's when love is new. You're basically useless, because he's all you can think about. Well, guess what? That wears off after about ... guess? ... yeah, two years. It could be that what you're missing is that intense "can't live without'im" thing and not so much that it's truly boring. It could be that it's less intense, and by comparison it seems boring.
Secondly, it could be that you two don't "click" and the time together has bore that out (no pun intended). How can you tell the difference between the two? Well, is your love more like that for a brother or a lover. If it's the former then, yeah, time to check out, but still be friends. If it's the latter, then it's time to let him know that you want more spice in your relationship. It could be he's feeling it too, but he doesn't know what to do either.
One piece of advice if you learn that he's more of a lover than a brother, make sex fun again, make it play not work. Laugh in bed together, get wild, get creative. And if you need help with that then hit your local bookstore for a/some sex book(s).
Good luck!!
2007-03-21 18:16:16 · answer #2 · answered by Dino 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two relatioships in early twenties can hardly make you understand what you want, but they help you partly understand what you DONT want: be bored, depressed and miserable.How to overcome? Either changing partners with somebody whom with you do feel that way, or make it work. The first choice is the easy one, though boredom will eventually come-it's part of the story. THe second choice is the really hard one: Understand what it is that he does or does not do that you would want him to do or not to do. Then speek to him clearly,decisively,no passion involoved and ask him if he can try to change those things.He may say he can, he may say he cannot or do not want.Give ti a shot.If it does not change,leave.Life is full of interesting people.By the way,be prepaired to hear something similiar from him when the time comes.Just listen and try.Relationships are all about trying or cutting from start.Best Wishes.
2007-03-21 18:10:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
haha going through that same thing right now. i always wake up telling myself that im going to treat him better. i usually do, but when he's talking sometimes i just wanna slap him. not for what he's saying, but just to get a different reaction out of him. i think we have to find what's boring about our relationship and change it. take an hour and search through the web and see if any topics light a fire under your butt or some concert or something. I know with me, I just don't have enough to do and I feel like when my mate comes home, he has to entertain me. That's just the way I am. I know the problem is with me, maybe its with you too. I got some new friends, and that helped a bit, but the homelife is a little dull. Try checking what's going on in your city. Go to something that's cheap and doesn't take up a lot of time...you guys will find someway to connect again. Good luck! I know I need it..lol.
2007-03-21 18:04:43 · answer #4 · answered by kiss_me_cold_007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When your young your under the illusion that there is this perfect relationship and it's all a bed of roses. The bad news is it doesn't get any easier with age. Any relationship whether married or not takes work. One problem I see is you don't seem to talk to each other and that happens because life gets hectic. You work he works and when you come home your tired. One thing to try is to do things together and you find the time. My wife and I do certain things during the week we watch movies together and we zone people out to make our private time. We take turns setting up romantic evenings my favorite is after a nice dinner we take a bath together it's relaxing and we take turns washing each other. Appreciate all the little things in your relationship and life.
2007-03-21 18:45:52 · answer #5 · answered by miester44 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't work hard to keep yourself from getting bored. If you're bored, something's wrong either with you or your relationship. Are you the type of person who needs constant external stimulation? Or are you perfectly satisfied with your daily routine? Some people need a more active lifestyle, and don't do well when paired up with a "tamer" partner. Also, not every person you meet will be compatible with you; perhaps this guy just isn't a good match for you. I've been with my husband for over 2 years, and I never get bored or tired of him. We are not an active couple, we don't get out much; our life must seem fairly monotonous to an outsider; our "excitement" comes from our relationship itself, from the way our personalities mesh, not from some external activities.
2007-03-21 18:09:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like y'all just need some time apart or some time away together. I would either take a trip myself to think things over and do something that I enjoy or I'd take him along on a camping trip or something that is a little bit of a drive from the house. I get bored sometimes in my relationship, so I just spontaneously tell her that we're going to Galveston for the day just to get something different going.
2007-03-21 18:04:35 · answer #7 · answered by cobra427jah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is it with American women and your never ending search for drama!
The truth is that marriage is a contract where you will live with another person forever...There is no way that you will not have bouts of boredom in a long lasting marriage it's inevitable. There's only so much to talk about or do together. Your love for one another is supposed to supercede trivial issues like being bored.
You want a relationship where there is a source of stress and drama going on 24x7 to keep your mind occupied and interested in the marriage. You might want to stop having long relationships or get serious about your education or your professional life to keep you from having so much Idle time on your hands.
2007-03-21 18:09:00 · answer #8 · answered by huckleberry1 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I stopped reading at the part where you said second boyfriend and getting bored. Whatever, you just have an itch for some strange rod to ram into your pocket.
Quit lying to yourself and your man and go ahead and behave like liberated women do. Yes, jump from lover to lover like a hot potato. Then when you are old and wrinkled you can have fond memories of your nasty days.
2007-03-21 18:05:26 · answer #9 · answered by Joe B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
ok, the guy that said never invest 2-3 years without marriage is a idiot. marriage is not for everyone! you should talk things out with him. not only that but maybe find who you are again and what you enjoy doing. when we are with someone for a long time then you tend to lose yourself in that relationship and have no idea who you are when you break up. and ALWAYS find time for your friends and family. they will be the ones to pick you up when you fall!
2007-03-21 18:39:34 · answer #10 · answered by yoursalwaysmine 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not invest more than 2 - 3 yrs. in a relationship without marriage...Never have kids out of wedlock..
Get a good Pre-Nup...
Never marry a man who has personality , character or behavior problems, they will only get worse after marriage..
Tell him of your problems and concerns with the status of
your relationship...Tell him you love him and want to be with
him but he needs to help you do something to save the relationship because you don't know how much longer you can take it as it stands...
2007-03-21 18:14:34 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋