Ok, I'm finally asking a question. I want a serious answer (preferrably from someone who's gone through this). I have been dating my g/f for 1 year now, but I worry about how compatable we are, see, she believes abortion is right (I don't), she believes gays/lesbians are alright (wouldn't mind our children bringing gay friends over - if we have any) (I don't), and she doesn't believe in God like I do (her sister is atheist and had an effect on her). I am worried that these things may effect our marriage (if we were to marry) or our children. I love her dearly, but do not want any major problems when I get married, whether it be us fighting or whether it be effecting our children. I have already gone through a divorce because my ex was too attached to her parents to leave with me when my job moved to another state.
Am I being too paranoid? Will these problems work out? Is there too much difference between us? I appreciate any help (and be serious, I don't want joke answers).
2007-03-21 10:57:50 · 13 answers · asked by cobra427jah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't listen to Arthur. He apparently is NOT married. These issues are HUGE and they will be even more huge after marriage. I can't even fathom what they would be once children were involved. And how in the heck do you "compromise" on abortion and God...ect. HUH?
Let's just take a scenario here......You two get married. She gets pregnant WAY before she wants to. It's inconvenient for her, she's not ready, she enjoys her career...ect. So, she wants to abort the baby and wait a few years. What do you do?
Another scenario.....Let's say you have kids. You want to take them to church. Let them attend Sunday School....ect. She starts having problems with this because she thinks you are "forcing" them to be "like-minded" as you. She wants them to go with YOU one Sunday to church.....then the kids hang and with her and her sister the next Sunday and do other stuff. Is this going to be OK with you? Probably not.
The only way I see these problems working out is if you give up your faith, or if she becomes a Christian. If neither of those two things happen, then I suggest you two go your separate ways before you make each other miserable....as well as the children.
My husband and I grew up in the same church for 24 years before we ever got married. You'd think we wouldn't have ANY issues. And yet, we disagree all the time about stuff. Marriage is hard when you share a religion. I can't imagine my husband and I being of different faiths as well.
2007-03-21 11:38:43 · answer #1 · answered by guatemama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, these problems will not work out. Although you may not directly be confronted with them now, they will rear their ugly head later in the marriage. I was dating someone and we had similar differences... I felt deep down in my spirit that the relationship had to be broken off.... even though it broke his heart to pieces... and I mean PIECES. First of all, what are you going to do if you conceive a baby and she chooses to have an abortion? How are you going to feel about her then? Secondly, when the kids experiment with being gay, or having friends over to YOUR home who are gay - how will you be torn between supporting your wife, yet letting your kids know that is not ok with you? That sends a mixed message. Thirdly, people who do not believe in God have completely different ways of viewing and also coping with major life events like death, major decision-making, and child-raising. Although her companionship is nice, I would break it off. Seriously. These are three MAJOR issues that will be a constant source of fighting - - and don't think these issues won't come up - - it would only be by pure luck you won't be confronted with at least one, if not all three. Hate to break it to you, but if you're asking the question, you know by the Holy Spirit already, that it is not right.
2007-03-21 18:10:13 · answer #2 · answered by Angie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes opposites attract, but if you are planning to have a future then I see it as being a bad one. First off if she thinks abortion is okay you may never have any kids to worry about bringing gay friends over or attending Sunday Service without mom. Those kinds of differences can really hurt a relationship. You are probably better off getting out of the relationship and explaining to her what you have explained to us.
2007-03-21 18:06:00 · answer #3 · answered by chunkysmom3502 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Law of Nature; "likes repel, opposites attract". If you love this girl like I think you do, then forget the little things and besides just learn to compromise. Shes not asking you to change your beliefs and everyone is entitled to their own. Just find a happy medium between your views and go from there. Marriages arent always going to go smoothly so theres no use worrying about them or youre going to use the vows about "in health and sickness" real quick. Just take one view at a time and work on it. Believe me these are going to be really small problems in your marriage someday. Just remember together you two will be able to overcome anything including indifferences. Good luck
2007-03-21 18:13:52 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You have contradictory core values. This is not a simple matter of dissagreeing on the type of car to drive. There is no way a relationship like yours could last in the long term, in fact you should have broken things off with her the moment you realized youo had such divergent beliefs.
2007-03-21 18:36:16 · answer #5 · answered by Coyote81 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
These "problems" will NOT work themselves out, you should break up with her, she is not going to change, and neither are you. You two are fundamentally different, like night and day, you are swimming against the stream, unless you like the salmon type lifestyle, move on. I am serious as a heart attack, no joking here.
2007-03-21 18:05:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
To marry someone it is easier to find someone who shares your morals and values. Otherwise, you are always at odds over these very deep seated beliefs. Do not expect her to change and do not marry her if your beliefs are important to you. Think of yourself 20 years from now and you both still believe as you currently do...this might answer your question for you.
2007-03-21 18:07:35 · answer #7 · answered by curious74432 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay here's the thing; there is WAY too many disagreements in this relationship. You will end up in another divorce. You need to take a break from women and take care of yourself. Enjoy life and when the right women comes you will know.
GOOD LUCK! Please update us on what happens!
2007-03-21 18:07:48 · answer #8 · answered by dolphins4jcs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow first off you sound like a great guy......and i cant imagin living with anyone who doesnt beleive in God..........those issues seem distant know but in the long run they will really bother you............find someone else who has the same views as you! (and dont change you to accomidate her)
2007-03-21 18:08:35 · answer #9 · answered by nikki 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No - doesn't sound good to me. You are closed minded on your opinions. You need to be with someone that thinks as you do - or you will never be happy. I think people are who they are - doubtful you will change your opinions - so best just break up - let her move on with someone more like her - and you move on and find someone more like you.
2007-03-21 18:02:11 · answer #10 · answered by svmainus 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋