Thats what she wants me to believe. Instead of remorse, guilt, or a sincere apology what I get is a lecture on how I brought this upon myself. How I emotionally abandoned her. Thats why she felt she had no choice but to go out more and more often, trying to "escape" from an unhappy home. The way I see it, we may have had problems, but none were unfixable or unforgivable. There was no need to cheat. I was faithful to her. I put up with 7 years and two insanly jealous pregnancies. I gave up chatting, all my friends, my ex'es, and gave her access to my email. She would check my cell phone and pockets all the time. As irony would have it, look who was the one that couldn't be trusted. We had a family with 3 beautiful children. She decided to throw that away for a guy she met 3 weeks ago. It gets better. She's going to move in with him and take my kids with her. This is crazy. I didn't deserve this. Yet, she has the nerve to blame me. Do all unfaithful women use this same excuse?
2007-03-21 10:52:25 · 32 answers · asked by Alex H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She is just trying to come up with an excuse to validate her affair. Just ignore it.
I would not let her take the kids with her. You need to fight for your kids. This will traumatize them being moved out of their home and living with a stranger.
I'm against divorce, but you need to get a lawyer ASAP to protect the kids. Right now, they need to come first.
2007-03-21 11:00:58 · answer #1 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is unfortunate but true - a lot of women (and men too) use this excuse, and that is what it is, after all, just an excuse, for cheating. After all, if it is not their fault, then they are not such a horrible person, right?
She reached outside of your marriage for what ever it was that she felt she wasn't getting at home (I am only assuming here, as I do not know all the circumstances) instead of coming to you and being honest about her needs. You cannot be held accountable because you are not a mind reader! You cannot do something you didn't realize you (may) have needed to do, b/c she didn't ask you. It would be different if she had asked you to do/say/feel something and you had refused her.
She may think she is happy for now - but the kids will end up hating her for leaving you, and her new man will forever wonder if she is doing the same thing to him, she did WITH him. He will probably go through all of her things, search her cell phone, and be VERY over protective about any time out she has. What goes around comes around.
As for the custody of your children - remember - her ability to be faithful is of no concern to the courts! Cheating on you is not a reflection on her parenting. If you honestly believe with your heart, not your anger, that you are the better parent, then get a lawyer and file for Divorce NOW, before she can do it. File for emergency custody. If you know anything at all about the other man that may make him unsafe for your children's welfare, drag him into it.
Hope it helps!
2007-03-21 11:16:18 · answer #2 · answered by abayifo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm probably going to get nailed to the cross for this but here goes. I think that in a cheating situation, there are very few cases where it happens just because the cheating spouse wanted "some strange." It always takes two to tango. That meaning that after being married for many years, and experiencing the ups/downs married life brings with it, I can honestly say I can understand how someone who is terribly weak can stray. It's NO excuse, don't get me wrong, but I know from the folks I've known personally who have strayed did so because they were looking for something they were lacking at home. AGAIN...IT DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT, NOT AT ALL, but I can see how it can happen. Take care.
2007-03-21 11:34:10 · answer #3 · answered by Lani 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you should get a lawyer and try to get custody of your kids. If she is already moving in with this guy after three weeks, she is not providing a stable environment for your children. I wouldn't know if all unfaithful women use that same excuse because I have always been faithful. Nothing is your fault. Your wife chose to go out and cheat on her own. She is only blaming you to make herself feel better about this and make you feel like crap. Go ahead and start the healing process, put your kids first, and things will get better. I wish you the best of luck. Let me know if I can be of further help.
2007-03-21 11:04:56 · answer #4 · answered by Mom of Three 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not only unfaithful women but men too, i was married for ten years, did everything i could do for him, his children, put up with alot of difficult times, none that could not have been worked out as u say. i too got the blame, suddenly his betrayal became all about me . guess it is easier to blame the victim so u won't have to look at yourself or feel the guilt. no u don't deserve this, neither did i. but there is a future, even though its hard for u to see right now. life isn't fair, bad things come to all of us and theres no rhyme nor reason for it. he also accused me of cheating, but all the time he was the cheater.
2007-03-21 11:19:08 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. She is responsible for her actions. If she blames you, then she is trying to manipulate you so she can continue her behavior without being seen as the person at fault. You didn't do anything to deserve this and it is not your fault. Let her go. You can make the proper arrangements for the children, either with her or through court as necessary, but file the divorce and leave her alone. She will do the same to him and will need someone to run to when that relationship destructs. Don't let that be you.
2007-03-21 11:00:32 · answer #6 · answered by fly guy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your first mistake was allowing her to treat you like a child and not the faithful hubby you were. THere is NEVER an excuse to cheat and she will reap what she sows when her new relationship fails. She is a cheater and so is the dude she is with. Too bad about the kids but I hope you realize none of this is your fault and you did nothing wrong. She didnt deserve you. STAY in your kids lives and support them..and when she comes crawling back to you (like the dog she is) I say kick the sh*t out of her.
2007-03-21 10:58:56 · answer #7 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, do not blame yourself. She needs help. She is the one with the problem. You sound like a great guy. Take her to court for custody of the kids. She cheated and she was the one that was in the wrong. Focus on your children and not her.
Good Luck!
2007-03-21 11:13:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most cheaters blame their spouse. My husband cheated and blamed me. I didnt put out enough, i stopped appreciating him, i didnt cook enough for him, i didnt show him enough attention. But the key thing he forgot to mention is I didnt make him stick his d*ck in someone else. NO IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. She is a very selfish, childish woman. I know it hurts probably cuz you still love her, but she is already gone and you need to hold your head up high and move on and be happy without her. Someday, you will be able to do that. I'm sorry this has happened to you and I wish you peace and happiness someday, soon.
2007-03-21 11:09:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly dude, the fact that you had to give up your friends and allow her to check you like a school kid going to school, tells me that you guys had some serious issues as a couple. Sounds like she did both you and her a favor. I know you're upset about being cheated on but you need to let that go, there were bigger issues at hand and sounds like both of you were at fault.
2007-03-21 11:02:43 · answer #10 · answered by huckleberry1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋