Quick story- I dated a girl for a year, fell in love, then broke up and were friends for a 3 months.Then lied to her about another girl. She found out and it broke her heart--we worked on our friendship and 2 or 3 months later the same thing happened when she visited me. There we also some problems during our relationship.
I realize I have a problem with lying and I told her this the first time this thing happened. Now she cant even be my friend (i dont blame her) but I really do care about her and love her so deeply. I want to be able to show her this but I despretly need to help my self and the problems I have first.
So she dosnt belive in me anymore and she dosnt belive what I say, of course, so how can I do this? I got her a crazy sex and the city dvd gift set thing to send her (we are long distance), so should I say we should be apart so I can work on things, send it and supriese her with a letter telling her I love her and sorry? How should I work this? What can I do otherwi
2007-03-21 10:51:42 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
otherwise so I can fix myself while showing her how much I am sorry and how much I love her and care about her? (she cant believe I care about her due to all the horriable things I have done. Yes I should give up, but I cant without her knowing foreal my feelings)
2007-03-21 10:53:38 · update #1
You have a serious habit, perhaps even an addiction, to lying. You were not broken of it quickly when you were a young child, or you would not be struggling with it so much today.
You have lost your credibility; you have lost her trust. Both are very important character factors that make us who we are. And lately, you have lacked both. So what to do?
My suggestion:
1. Ask her for some address of hers that will be valid 6 months or a year from today; some way to re-contact her, even if it be through a relative or friend.
2. Begin the steps to "rebuild" yourself. To kind of - reinvent yourself for the better. This means to go thru honesty exercises when you are alone and with friends. Become so forthright and open that people will begin to tell you to that what you're saying is "too much information" (just don't insult or embarass people)
3. Look at the game Scruples. Begin to note that there are proper &. improper behaviors. Practice the proper ones.
4. Talk with your pastor or priest. Someone you hold in high esteem as far as character for guidance. It needs to be a male person who understands what things influence lying.
5. Avoid associating yourself with those you know who casually lie (even in fun), are deceitful, avoid being truthful, hide things about themselves
6. Check into support groups for behavior problems. You will have to face the truths of yourself and others. Honesty is celebrated.
7. During this hiatus, you will not date or associate on a personal level any single, eligible female persons. You will be like a man obsessed; focused on making yourself a suitable mate for this gal you love. Think of no others; pay no attention to any females coming on to you. You are celebat in thought, word and deed.
8. And put in prayer. Prayer works wonders, if sincere and directed to ask God for His help. We are all raised to be self sufficient and self reliant, but that is the opposite of what we should be; we need to lean on God and allow Him to guide our hearts to do the right things with our decisions. He loves you and wants you to do the right things. If you want to be the best you can be, then ask God to guide you and He will.
After this re-vamping of your character and personality, after creating some new, good habits then you can re-contact this girlfriend. Explain to her what your goals were and what you have achieved. Ask her to give you another chance, a 90 day "probationary" period, and if you slip ONCE, then she can move on and you will NEVER contact her again.
It's harsh, but you put into motion several negative incidents that tarnished your character and damaged your relationship with your girlfriend. You'll have to tow the line for the rest of your relationship with her if expect her heart to open up to you again. Swear in your heart to never show disrespect toward her again; never to lose her trust in you again. Get on bended knee if that is what it takes. She needs assurance that THIS TIME you will not fail her.
032107 5:43
2007-03-21 11:46:20 · answer #1 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you go get some counseling asap, for 2 reasons.
1. This will help you with whatever issues are inside you that are helping you to lie so easily.
2. If you are actively seeking help in this area (counseling) then you can show her/tell her that you are seriously trying to change. She has no reason whatsoever to believe anything you tell her based on your history.
Trust is always, always earned, once it has been lost. It is never given to you freely the second time around.
Good luck!
2007-03-21 11:09:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Retard! Once you did dat thing wif her, run away n dun even recognise her! U got nth to lose but she lost everything.
2007-03-21 13:25:25 · answer #3 · answered by Unknown 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You reall have a problem, you should give up and leave her alone.You should be lucky that she is evening talking to her.
2007-03-21 11:06:15 · answer #4 · answered by Thelma C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋