I've seen her use the children to justify her manipulative and controlling behavior. What can I do to keep the peace without contributing to her dysfunctional habits?
2007-03-21 10:32:28 · 21 answers · asked by Kaybee 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
there is an old saying about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.
you don't have to be buddy buddy with her, but stay 'friendly' with her.
when she gets out of control and starts ranting then you can suggest she give you a call when she calms down.
even though it can be difficult i find the best way to deal with the 'crazies' is killing them with kindness. you don't have to agree with what she is saying, just listen.
you don't want to be caught in the middle of anything between him, her and the kids so you are better off being noncommittal about anything, voicing no opinion, never agreeing or disagreeing about anything and just being pleasant to her.
good luck. while most ex's are easy to get along with, there is the odd one that really is tough. generally they are easier to deal with if they have found a new life before their ex-husband does. don't know why .......... they just are.
she may still be terribly hurt by the divorce and in time the pain may pass but in the meantime just remain calm, kind mannered, & keep your eyes open and your backside covered.
2007-03-21 11:14:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've known one couple where this worked, but they became friends many years after the divorce, and the husbands became friends too. They set a lot of boundaries for the kids' sake. Usually, though, it is not a balanced relationship. Until you have more than "girlfriend" status she is going to feel like she still has a foot in the door to manipulate the situation. Maybe she really means well and just wants peace for the children. Just trust your instincts and don't let yourself be vulnerable. Be the better woman and don't let her manipulate situations. Good luck.
2007-03-21 10:49:02 · answer #2 · answered by Sara B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How common is that..haha!! you would not believe....
This is a fun one FEAR yes... If you see that she use's children for her own satisfaction...well I'll let you comment on that one..... I would be to rude..haha!! Just look at it as if she could manipulate young innocent minds for her satisfaction..NOTE
she is a very selfish women who probably care's more about money them anything...and obvious is just a selfish women..
No wonder she is the EX..... Are you a child..? Then don't let her manipulate you as if you are... Just act nice and keep your distance and realize the difference between kindeness and manipulative intention....keep your eye's peeled....
Maybe by you showing how much of a happy and good person she might reach out to you for help with her reason's why she feel's she has to do things in such matter for her satisfaction....In the mean time ACT and keep distance...
maybe you can teach her something... Find a manipulating good way to show and approach her since those are her ways of communication and flip it...Good luck ...FEAR NOT
2007-03-21 10:49:36 · answer #3 · answered by Unbreakable Me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's just trying to keep her ability to come and go as she pleases an open option. Especially,if she still has designs on him! She can be the third wheel.
It's best to have ONLY two people in a love relationship.
I would not go that route unless you end up married and HAVE to because of the children. Just my opinion here, but I wouldn't trust her either.
2007-03-21 10:38:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there!
I totally agree with Ms. MJ......
Controlling and manipulative people are not good to have around. And if she's like that with kids, it's even harder to deal with.
I'd say be civil but firm. And always be honest with your man because he's caught up in an unpleasant situation too....
Good luck!
2007-03-21 10:39:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her i don't think that our friendship would work about because of the whole divorce thing and i don't feel obligated enough to be in this situation. And if she doesn't take no for an answer just tell her off....i never was friends with my b/f ex-g/f so why start now.
2007-03-21 10:37:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be an adult. You can't control her and her feelings/behavior but you can control yours. Always show a courteous side, after all you are part of her children's lives, so you do need to earn her trust.
2007-03-21 10:45:09 · answer #7 · answered by E! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I ad the same problem, years ago , and I'm glad that right up front , I told her that I had no intentions of being her friend. I would be civil because of the children. Trust yourself would you be her friend if you meet under different circumstance. No then why be her friend.
2007-03-21 10:38:40 · answer #8 · answered by Thelma C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds a little strange. I could see her wanting to at least be on good terms with you because of the children, but a "friendship"? She could be trying to meddle in your relationship with your boyfriend. I would be polite but aloof if I were you.
2007-03-21 11:53:19 · answer #9 · answered by mochasister 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be cordial, but you're not required to be close to keep the peace. Just be an agent of peace. Don't harm or be harmed (don't allow yourself to be a doormat).
2007-03-21 10:36:27 · answer #10 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋