is it possible to be too good to your spouse?

Question

i've been married for almost 4 years now and slowly my husband is treating me worse and worse. I have never received a gift from him since we were married. I work 60+ hours a week and still manage to make dinner and take care of the house and our son. i know part of the problem is his drinking, but there is not too much i can do about that. we have sex at least 4x a week not including oral (at least 2x per wk) i let him go out whenever he wants (like i have a choice) and i am always doing little things to show i love and appreciate him. how can i get him to see what he has? i don't want to leave him i just want to be treated halfway as well as i treat him. sometimes i get so upset by the things he says that i cry for hours. he can be so hurtful especially when it comes to my weight. i know i'm heavy but it could be worse. i'm just affraid he's gonna cheat on me with someone thinner. either that or drive me insane. i have tryed everything from being mean to being nicer. what can i do?

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! please!!!!!! sometimes i think the only time he would care about me is when i'm gone. and even then he'd only miss the sex. why do i even bother going on if the one person i really cares about doesn't give a **** about me. i even told him that and he says i'm crazy and i need to stop my whining. what can i do?

Answer 1

it makes perfect sense. he's an alcoholic. the problem is his and it runs over into everything you do or dont do. you will never make him happy. dont take this wrong. you sound wonderful to me. but this man is not happy with himself and may feel threatened with how together you are and what a mess he is. just because he is a drunk doesnt mean he doesnt know whats going on. i think you've done everything right and then some. i say get your son and you out of that environment. its not safe and its not condusive of raising a wonderful child. children see and hear more than you think and who knows how that is really affecting him. soon your son wont be able to bring friends home to play with or stay over because your husbands drinking will be a paralyzing fear for him. please, think of your son if you NEED a reason to leave. your husband is a grown man. he will get help on his own when he hits his rock bottom, not your rock bottom and who knows how long that would take and what you and your son will have to endure until then. stop. just stop and get out. that may be his rock bottom and make him go for help. who knows, maybe not. but get your child out of this situation before it has serious affects on him. nothing you do or say is gonna change this man and you know it deep down. no matter how bad you want him to change. he will do it when he is ready, not when you want him to. so get out and go on with your life. its already hard enough to raise good kids in this discusting world, dont add to it with the bad decision to stay in hopes that he will change. when you are out on your own with your son and happy without all this drama and stress, you will feel better about yourself and who knows, you may start working out and lose a few pounds before you even know it. keep a positive attitude. you will be amazed at the things that go your way. life is good, you know, if you really want it to be.

Answer 2

I know you say you don't want to leave, but honestly what is this man teaching your son? That it is okay to treat woman so nasty? You should run for the hills. Or give him an ultimadum you or the drinking. You CAN find someone better trust me. Sometimes the man you are with can make you feel like you can no other man and that you will ruin your child if you leave. Let me tell you from experience that even being heavy (230 pounds at 5'5 here) you can find someone that loves you for who you are and reciperocates the feelings. My ex sounds like your hubby and my current BF is the greatest man I have ever meant. He works, cleans, helps with my 2 kids, brings me flowers, cooks for me, and tells me he loves me daily! If you don't get out now then he will eventually drive you insane, and your children will be learning from his example. And the REAL reason you should stay alive is because you have a child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

It's possible that you might not maintain healthy boundaries and let people get away with disrespecting you, and you slowly train them to treat you like crap.

That being said, why not spend less time cooking meals, eat healthier and work out? Get into shape, and if this doesn't turn around, at least you'll be ready to date again. Next time, don't date a mean drunk.

BTW, a classy lady doesn't need to swear all the time.

Answer 4

We teach people how to treat us. You need to find ways to stick up for yourself and draw the line with him. If he is too dominate or unwilling to change, you may have few choices.

You may not want to leave, but staying in the relationship the way it is would be outrageous. He needs help. The drinking is the prime issue (that you know of). My first husband drank and was controlling. He would not get help and I could not live with it. I did end up leaving. It was unfortunate and I wish that he would have gotten help, but I refused to stay in the marriage until he did that.

Answer 5

In the case of people with addictions such as alcohol, yes, it is possible to be too nice; it's called enabling.

You can't do anything to change your husband. Period. You can only change how you react to how he treats you.

It sounds like you have some insecurities that are causing you to think that you are worthy of this behavior from your husband. If these thoughts and beliefs aren't making you happy, change them.

A lot can change when you change what goes on inside your head.

Answer 6

sounds like my life, but i eventually cheated, got caught, and really ruined everything. so , dont let it get to the point were you are so broken down you make stupid decesions that will ruin your family. Instead, suggest counseling first. If that dosent work, I suggest you start concentrating on yourself a little more. There is nothing sexier to a man than a woman who nutures themselves first, then he has to fight for your attention. Lastly, if all else fails, WALK OUT THE DOOR. I say that not because divorce is easy, but if you let it get bad enough like I did, you will end up ruining your family, I guarantee it.

Answer 7

Its time that you stop being abused and leave his *** taking your son with you. Throw off a little weight get back to the way you were before and tease him but you have to make up your mind if you want him back. Make him want you and its either you take him back under certain circumstances or you just leave him wanting. Starve him for sex like crazy as well but my advice to an abusive relationship is to leave.

Answer 8

I say that's achievable, as consistent with my married adventure, I in no way fought with my companion and we've been at the same time 10 years until eventually he had an affair. He grow to be my first actual bf whilst i grow to be 17. to furnish you my history, I grew up in a satisfied, healthy functional kinfolk who do no longer smoke, drink, swear or achieved any sort of drugs becoming up with 7 youthful siblings raised by utilising a single mom, on condition that my dad previous away whilst i grow to be 12yo. i've got no longer experienced scuffling with becoming up with my siblings, so its what I assume in a married difficulty, besides. i understand people tell me that's no longer commonplace, all relationships combat, yet once you're no longer used to it or grew up with it, i do no longer see why p.c.. a combat. i think i grow to be fortunate being with those i'm waiting to speak issues over and compromise. that's difficult for me to get mad or be mad at somebody.

Answer 9

You need to be talking to him about this. A relationship takes 2 people so he's got to have input about it and needs to know it's not working well for you 'as is'. If you two cannot communicate, then your relationship is in serious trouble anyway.

Maybe it's time to see a couples counselor and get to the root of the problem...you need to know what he's hiding from by using alcohol, and how you can be a nice person without being a doormat. You've being taken for granted and it needs to stop.

Answer 10

I didn't need to read anything beyond "the problem is his drinking". If he's a drunk, nothing you do will ever change how he behaves because he's an alcoholic. The sooner you face it, the sooner you can get help.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/