Life is so unfair!?

Question

I'm sooo confused. Desperately TTC, constantly reading up on how it helps not to be stressed, takes a few months and can only really happen on two days out of each month. How does this explain all the unwanted pregnancies?! people who aren't TTC seem to get pregnant by just being in the same room as a guy whereas those who are desperate seem to encounter problem after problem! not fair...

Thanks so much for all the answers. Desite how tough things are, it honestly means a lot to have messages of support, even from strangers! Good luck to everyone TTC xxxxxxx

Answer 1

I totally understand what your going through, ive been there its a long and emotional rollercoaster to say the least! like everyone has already said but the harder you try the more stressed out you and your partner become. Not to mention taking the romance out of having sex, as it becomes a chore to be told to have sex on certain days of ovulating, took the fun out of it for me because you or your partner might not be in the mood on them days, so you kinda have to false yourself. I started taking my temperature and following ovulation charts which stressed me out more because it was constantly on my mind so i gave up. However when i went to the doctors, i was asked what contraceptive i was on, which was coil first, then did'nt get on with it so went on to having injections. But to my horror i was told you body needs a year to get back to normal again because both messed up my periods. So basically i had to wait 2 years to get my body and periods back on track i only wish i was told when first going on these methods. so if you too have been on these this could be the reason its taking a while. After having tests with the doctor i was also told i was'nt ovulating every month so i went on tablets did'nt think it would work but something did after the first course of pills i fell pregnant but that was after nearly splitting with partner and losing my mind i gave up in my head, then fell pregnant so i do beleive it happends when you least expect it to, or you give up trying. I know this may seem useless to you now but hopefully one day real soon you may understand what i mean. It is soul destroying experience like people say to you it will happen and you just wanna smack them in the face for being so sure that it will! all my friends around me were pregnant, sister-in-law, neighbour every where i went i saw pregnant mums and it hurt like mad that they were already blessed with kids and i was'nt i could'nt bare to be around anyone who was or just had a new born baby even in super markets had to move away cos i was so angry mainly at myself for not doing what seems to be so natural (falling pregnant) but you must stay positive cos it can take-over, rule your life and head! just keep telling yourself if its meant to be it will be! and let nature take it cause. My heart goes out to you and i wish you all the luck in the world (not that you'll need it!) keep your chin up girl! It took about 2 and half years for me to fall pregnant so you gotta stay strong. one day u'll look back and it will be like a bad dream. my daughters now nearly 3 and i feel so thankful to have her, she is well worth all the heartache i went through to concieving her. fingers crossed for ya x x

Answer 2

It's called sod's law and it's so annoying.

Apparently there's only a 15% chance of getting everything right to conceive in any cycle so how so many people manage to fall pregnant on their first time or 'by accident' is just mad.

I just wanted to say though that please try to relax, it really does work. I have PCOS and my partner and I were trying for 2 years to get pregnant, I gave up in the end and asked the doc to put me back on the pill for a year to give my brain and emotions a rest. It was while I was waiting for the first day of my period to take the pill that I found out I was pregnant......came as a fair shock believe me. I know you are probably hearing this all the time but letting it take over and control your life only makes the process harder and longer.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I understand what you're talking about. I finally had a healthy baby boy after one miscarriage, and losing my son's twin at eight weeks. I have a family member who is pregnant with twins and she is really upset about it, she already has two. It is hard to hear about other people who are having twins, or are not happy about there pregnancies. I would have loved to get too see my twins playing together. I also know I am a very lucky woman to at least have one child, my heart goes out to all the women out there that are trying hard to have a baby, and it's just not happening. Have you tried going to a Dr., they may be able to help you find out why you are not getting pregnant, and if there is a problem, help you correct it to conceive. I had to go on clomid because of pcos. I wish you all the luck and I hope it happens soon for you.

Answer 4

I feel your frustration. I've known I can't have kids with my hubby for quite a few years now and it's not just the foolish slip ups of others getting pregnant when a partner breathes on them that get frustrating it's seeing friends meet someone, marry them and then have a baby just like that. And even worse when a friend has done that then got divorced, met someone else and had another child!

BUT, you have to be philosophical and remember the people who die of cancer with small kids and those who can't look after their kids in the way that they want to and things like that. It can feel like you're having the worst time in life when you can't have kids - even to the point of wondering why you wake up in the morning and have a life at all (been there - past it now thankfully) but you have to widen your views and see the bigger picture. It sound so naff but, if you've got your health and general happiness then life's ok - with or without babies.

I hope you get your wish but please don't let it ruin your life.

Answer 5

individually I dont think of it fairly is is a race ingredient, unfair lives take place to all human beings, no count the colour of our pores and skin. For me, it type of feels that almost each little thing has long previous incorrect and that i'm not the place i had to be at this ingredient in my existence. those days, this week easily, i replaced into disregarded for my strengthen and that they've employed somebody 7 yrs my junior on the comparable income (who has no adventure yet purely a paper asserting she studied)... I easily have been right here 3 yrs with 14 yrs adventure in this industry......I artwork an hour early maximum mornings and flow away an hour overdue maximum nights, i artwork saturdays to maintain up! She arrives precisely on time or overdue and leaves precisely on time, a clock watcher! it fairly is arbitrary! purchase hi, ive have been given a job suitable... a minimum of that's what the optimist in me says.

Answer 6

I'm exactly the same you hear about so many unwanted pregnancies and after one night stands!! I have been talking to my friend that is due in 1 week and she fell pregnant 2 days after her period finished so i think i'm just going to stop doing every thing by the book as that does not seem to work and just get on with it and fingers crossed it will just happen. I have come to the conclusion the more i find out the more i put pressure on myself so do what i'm doing stop thinking about babies and just have fun in the sack and pray xx

Answer 7

I agree, it's not fair. I wish I could help, but my gut says the only thing you can do is forget everything you've read and just have fun at it. I remember when I got pregnant with my daughter , I wasn't "trying" we were joking about it and saying "hey, maybe this is the one" It just happened right away.

Maybe all you need is a break from trying. Just forget the rules and the time tables. Just enjoy the time you have left, because before you know it, You're going to be a mom!

Answer 8

Stress does play a part so you may want to keep that in check. I know how you feel, I couldn't get pregnant for years. And I'm not advocating this but I finally conceived once I got on the south beach diet because I brought my sugar levels down and my weight but that just worked for me not neccesarily saying it will work for you. But perhaps your eating habits and diet may play a part as well, if you haven't spoken with your doctor, I suggest you do so. I'm sure they'll be able to give you more insight...or research the web about it.....I even saw on the news a few weeks ago that ice cream can contribute to fertility in women....no lie! Who would've thought...Best of luck to you, I hope you get the beautiful healthy baby you want....

Answer 9

i know ive been ttc for 6 years now to be honest i dont think theres such thing as trying to hard if you have been ttc for as long as i have, i hate not being able to get pregnant, i hate that other women can so easily yet they have loads of kids already, i hate that i'm being left behind, i hate that i can't talk or look at babys anymore without feeling a sense of loss, hopelessness, and sadness

it breaks my heart that i might never be able to have a baby.

and i'm sorry but there's nothing anyone can do or say to make me feel any better.

Answer 10

I know hon. It's hard when there's so many people having babies and you want it so bad that you can taste it. It does seem so unfair. I guess only God knows his reasons sometimes. As impossible as it is, if you don't relax you might never get your baby and trust me, this is great practice for after you do have one because you'll be stressed alot and wondering why it is that you are having such a hard time with things when every other mom seems to have it easy.

Answer 11

People who arent TTC get pregnant b/c the are not careful when the ovulate. You want to have sex when you ovulate and so you get pregnant.

People TTC obsess over what to do "right" in order to get pregnant when really it happens when you least expect it. Life isnt fair but I bet if you relax you'll get pregnant in no time. Take a vacation, and forget about it. That what I did and now I am 7 weeks along. Our Hawaii trip took my mind of it and boom prego.

Try to relax....