Baby dont underestimate me i know you very well.
My heart has memorized each look,each sound,each touch.
When your happy it surrounds me.
When your angry it swallows me.
When your sad it involves me and when i see you cry it includes me.
I swim in you like a pool each drop moisturizing my skin drinking each drop as it touches my lips.
When i hear your voice it calms me.
When i feel your touch all of my senses come alive and i want to live.
You are...My dream,my fantasy,my inspiration,my salvation, my lover, my best friend, my reality, my reason, my family, my comfort, my safe place.
So this is love?
It's the love i yearned for as a girl.
The love i wanted so deeply as a young lady.
It's the love you give me that makes me this woman,
by your side.
2007-03-21 09:52:21 · 9 answers · asked by milo2angel 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
with all due respect this is complete rubbish......
2007-03-21 10:02:07 · answer #1 · answered by flaming_soul26 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not bad - although you do tend to lose the flow and rhythm of it in places and it drags at those points. Also, you lose points for grammar. The word your means belonging to you as in your book. The word you want here is the contraction of you are = which is you're. Try adjusting the length of the lines a bit and I think it will flow better. All poets should get in the habit of reading their work aloud and seeing how it sounds when read. It helps a lot. Also - know your audience - who are you writing for. Apparently you are writing for a guy, however the girls here love it and the only guy who replied called it rubbish. Consider that when writing. Pax - C.
2007-03-21 10:03:56 · answer #2 · answered by Persiphone_Hellecat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm used to reading Edgar Allan Poe, Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Carl Sandburg, the really famous poetry authors and you're not nearly as good as them, but I have read much published poetry that is not as good as this so you might get the gig
2007-03-21 10:48:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This poem is a bit one dimensional. i prefer the 'show not tell' way to describe feelings and emotions. the one simile you include seems awkward and undeveloped. i wouldn't start a heartfelt poem with the word 'baby'
2007-03-21 10:12:59 · answer #4 · answered by lilithxdoll 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have talent! There where a few grammar errors, but other than that I absolutely loved it!
2007-03-21 10:45:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
man thats deep u have real talent! :)
2007-03-21 09:56:24 · answer #6 · answered by v-ball_rocks#37 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think is good
2007-03-21 09:55:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
really good! wow
2007-03-21 09:56:56 · answer #8 · answered by dbx 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not bad, not bad at all.
2007-03-21 09:55:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋