I am 61, I work 33hrs a week to enable me to survive on my pension. No problem, I enjoy my job. My partner does not work, and has not done so for 2 1/2 years. I pay all bills, his money £54 pw goes on baccy and beers. Every night he is asleep from about 6.30p.m. till 9p.m. Consequentley I am on my own, every evening! Am I being a mug?
2007-03-21 09:28:28 · 57 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes--you are a mug! Get yourself a decent man--some one that treats you with a bit of respect, not like a doormat. Its not so much a question of beerNbaccy here, but the laziness on his part, his inability to put his percentage into the partnership the way that you are doing--so its ultimatum time for the both of you--YOU can either bin his bum, and start afresh with some one who treats you with the respect you deserve--(or choose to be on your own for a while...you may like to try that)--or you could keep on being that doormat for him. HE can either get off his backside and put his percentage into the relationship--(even part-time work on his part would help with the family finances)--or go elsewhere and use some one else as a doormat. Be strong, be firm, don't be messed about anymore.
2007-03-21 21:51:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am mid 40s and have just got rid of someone who binge drunk every weekend and ran up a terrible over draught doing so. He only worked 16 hours a week, never had money to help with bills but when he was sober was a lovely man in many other ways so that is why it took me 15 years to let him go.
If they are not equal then resentment overrides their good side. Do it! Give him a time limit to change then if it comes and goes well you must not give in just 'bin' them.
From someone who understands I wish you strength and courage. Good luck!
2007-03-21 09:49:46 · answer #2 · answered by mother sensible 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like a partnership to me. Looks like someone found himself a "sugar daddy" to support him as he lives the life of Riley - carefree and selfish.
You sound independent enough to not be financially harmed by this; it's just a matter of companionship now for you. Perhaps you can find a 'replacement' of sorts by taking in a homeless pet rathar than supporting this future homeless partner of yours. Somethings gotta give since this is not a fair relationship and you are being taken advantage of. Time to move on, partner.
032107 6:16
2007-03-21 12:16:48 · answer #3 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No brainer. You are a mug. But a mug is just an extra good person. However, extra good people deserve love and attention at all times so you might want to review your living arrangements - you are used to doing everything on your own anyway and chucking him out will reduce the housework by 2/3rds so go for it!!
2007-03-21 12:04:58 · answer #4 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to be harsh, but yes you are a mug. Perhaps not a mug, but he's treating you like one. This isn't fair on you and it has to stop. Tell him firmly that he has to change his ways or you'll kick him out (and be serious about it). I wouldn't put up with that for a minute. Sort out how much you need to split the bills and if he doesn't like it, tell him to find a job or find alternative accommodation. Put your foot down. He sounds like a lazy, poor excuse for a man with low self-esteem.
2007-03-21 12:03:21 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be assertive and make him sit down and talk (not row) to discuss your relationship and whether you are both happy or not. Perhaps he doesn't realise how discontent you are. I hope that after a chat and over a period of time that things improve if not you will have to decide whether you want to put up with things the way they are or whether it is time to split or not. Good luck whatever you decide. It is only you who can make a decision. Perhaps you should tell him it is make or break time.
2007-03-21 09:34:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there are two of you surviving on your pension! Since you're virtually alone every evening anyway do yourself a favour and take control of your life. Think what you could do if you only had to provide for yourself....go on a holiday, meet interesting people, you should be enjoying life at your age no babysitting a grown man who obviously knows when he's on to a good thing.what have you got to loose?
2007-03-21 11:01:10 · answer #7 · answered by irisheyes 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ummm does he have a job...if he is living with you and living with you and not supporting the bills at least 50% then he gotta go. Otherwise, what purpose does he serve in your life??? If anything he is using space that you need to survive..
2007-03-21 09:32:49 · answer #8 · answered by Lucy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it.
He's obviously on a very good wicket. You're equally obviously having trouble with all of this and need to do something about it.
Your choices are to:
o Continue on this way and go nuts
o Discuss this with him +/- marriage counselling
o Give an ultimatum
You need to have a think about what you might be prepared to do if he says "I like it this way and don't intend to change".
Also think what you might be prepared to do if he says "Alright honey - I'll change" but then doesn't.
2007-03-21 09:30:49 · answer #9 · answered by Orinoco 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He's exiting the relationship.....thru alcohol and avoiding you in the evenings by sleeping so he doesn't have to face you. He needs some counseling, maybe he suffers from depression? The answer to your question is NO you aren't being a mug.
2007-03-21 09:39:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋