heres this poem i wrote. it goes to a picture i drew. i dont ever write poems and they never rhyme. so can ya'll give me advice to make it better or to rhyme or something?heres the poem
Can't you see me?
Don't you remember, we used to be friends,
You even said.
Do you chose to ignore my calls to you?
Did you love me? Were the rumors true?
I'm here now, begging for your attention,
Can't you see me?
2007-03-21 09:16:16 · 9 answers · asked by redneck girl 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Other - Entertainment
yea this is life experience im going through it now and its killing me emotionally
2007-03-21 09:39:24 · update #1
Can't you see me?
Don't you remember me
We used to be friends
You even said we were
do you chose to ignore me
did you love me
were the rumors true
I am here now
Looking for you
Can't you see me.
That sounds good to me. But it also good the way you put it too. Great job
2007-03-21 09:26:53 · answer #1 · answered by littledueceb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its wonderful that you have chosen a constructive way to vent your emotional frustration.
I also think its wonderful that you would like to improve the art form that has sprung from your pain.
I would suggest using a mentor text to guide your writing.
A mentor text would be reading the works of other poets and noticing what you like about their work, what works in their poems. There are many great poetry resources online.
My personal favorite is Edna St. Vincent Millay.
2007-03-26 16:15:53 · answer #2 · answered by Olive 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this seems more like a 'free verse poem' which is a poem when you can make whatever you want up and it doesn't need to rhyme. this sounds so much like something that is going on in my life.
despite that it's lovely <3
2007-03-21 09:26:51 · answer #3 · answered by Alina >_< 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself what the pupose of life is.
Ask yourself, where did you come from, and how do
you come to be in the world.
Is there no purpose to it?
Is it possible that there is a purpose that no-one is
able to discern by himself?
Is it possible that the wise people of the world, have
always known what that purpose is, but most
people dont believe them? "Lord, who has believed
our report?" (Isaiah 53)
2007-03-28 14:31:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't you see me?
We used to be friends.
Were the rumors true?
You chose to ignore my calls.
Did you love me?
I'm begging for your attention.
Can't you see me?
I'm here now.
Can't you see me?
2007-03-24 04:59:31 · answer #5 · answered by LORD Z 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's wonderful just the way it is.
Hang in there - I know it feels like it will never be over, but things will get better.
Sending you love and hugs.
2007-03-21 10:29:08 · answer #6 · answered by alis volat propriis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its cool, but the poem would connect to the audience if you used words that convey sound such as splat...ans words that describe your feelings...basically...use more adjectives
2007-03-21 10:58:02 · answer #7 · answered by DivaStats 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can give you advice, It is y'all not ya'll. Good poem though
2007-03-21 09:24:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are a good person. now pick me for best answers please!!!!!
2007-03-27 01:08:29 · answer #9 · answered by ivy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋