Why is there so much fear about having a child with down syndrome?

Question

just curious.....I am trying to understand all the negativity and fear behind it....is it fear of the unknown? would you be embarrassed at having a child with DS? would you love your child any less if it did have down syndrome? I see so many questions regarding women who are worried and stressed during their pregnancies about this and I wanted to hear other opinions. I am not asking this question to judge others.

thank you all so far the the wonderful answers! I didn't state it earlier, but I am a mom to a little boy who has down syndrome and I have answered a lot of questions regarding it since I have been on here. I just wish that there wasn't a stigma on DS. having a child with DS...actually having any child is a blessing. I still have fears...mostly of who will look out for my little boy once we are gone...but even that fear is going away...my oldest son (17yrs) told me the other day that he will always be there for his little brother! when he told me that I cried, because I know he will keep his promise.
I have to say that down syndrome has affected my family in so many positive ways that I find it hard to understand the fears that others may have about it. that is why I asked the question.

Answer 1

You and I run in the same circles here and I always am impressed with your answers as they pertain to Down syndrome.

My son also has Down syndrome. I found out that there was a chance, but did not opt for an amnio because the result simply didn't matter. This was my child, no matter what, and risking a miscarriage by having an amnio simply wasn't an option.

I think fear about the future of any child is natural, whether they have Down syndrome or not. I think the negativity that you and I hear, especially in Yahoo Answers, is based on ignorance. It is one thing to be concerned about the welfare of a child, it is another thing altogether to buy into stereotypes and myths about people with Down syndrome. I see so many people make statements where it is clear that they have absolutely no personal experience with a person with DS. They make broad, blanket statements that, if believed, would lead you to think that people with DS have no quality of life, cannot think, cannot feel, cannot live beyond 20 years old, cannot marry, etc. etc. Sadly, people put this out there like facts (usually accompanied by some bit of incorrect scientific information such as which chromosome is affected and how....for those of you who want to know, the correct answer is triplication of the 21st chromosome). People callously use the word "retard" thinking that retarded means stupid...it actually means delayed, and it is hurtful to use the word in anything less than a clinical discussion about DS.

I think the fear we keep reading and hearing about comes from this ignorance. People see this wrong information and because it is in black and white, they believe it. Society MUST get past this inappropriate stigma.

Julie, you and I are blessed with amazing children. We have been given a gift and we know the TRUTH. The truth that people with Down syndrome are just like anyone else, they just may need some extra time to master some things. They also don't have the inclination to be deliberately cruel and judgemental.

People with Down syndrome attend school, church, social functions. They can learn to drive, they can date, they can marry. Some are talented artists or musicians, others get jobs in offices, stores and other places. More and more colleges are offering credentialed programs to the developmentally disabled in addition to vocational training. People with DS can live to be well into their 60s. They laugh, cry, and love with everything they have got. They are courageous and they deserve our respect.

If people would take the time to become truly educated about DS or better yet, get to know people with DS, that fear would lessen and people with DS would gain greater acceptance. I would challenge any person to spend a day with my amazing little boy and then look me in the face and say he can't achieve, or he has no quality of life, or worse, he shouldn't be here. They couldn't do it... and I'm sure the same can be said of any child with Down syndrome. Our kids are a special gift given to us and we can learn from them if we just open our hearts and minds.

That's why we can't just be parents...we have to be advocates too. We have to whittle away at the ignorance and, sadly in some cases, the hatred that people have about people with DS. If you or I can eliminate that fear in just one mom-to-be...then we have done a great job!

Answer 2

Keep in mind the rather unhappy reality that the parents most likely to have DS kids are those most likely to not be around for an extended number of years. Neither of us are terribly young, and that was the thing that came to mind -- what happens when we both need help?

That said, it seems like most of the women here who really fret over it, the idiots who think the pre-natal testing is somehow mandatory, are pretty young.

I think these are the same arseholes coining the term, and making excuses for, "gender disappointment," when they don't get the sex they want. Mystifying, those people.

"Idiots..." "Arseholes..." Okay, it's harsh, but what else are these people? I'm blown away by the people here who agreed to all manner of pre-natal testing without even realising the eugenics slant to it.

Anyway.

"is it fear of the unknown?"

Yes, a bit, I think; I can't say that I know much about it. But it's also fear of the known. One school I went to had a class with a lot of DS kids in it. I can't say they were treated nicely, at all, by the rest of the school.

"would you be embarrassed at having a child with DS?"

Heavens, no.

But, going back to the above -- I kinda suspect a small number of people might be. The DS kids there were almost wholly badly dressed and generally mildly neglected-looking as compared to the rest of the school. Like it was a good idea to save money on clothes if you had a kid who didn't complain about wearing junk. Yeesh.

This may sound horrible, but -- you can tell the DS kids whose parents are really into them. They're nicely turned out, neatly groomed and well-dressed, and, well, happy. Again, I don't know much about DS, but I always wonder if those aren't the kids who'll end up with jobs and their own apartments and generally good lives and so on, as opposed to being institutionalised. It's possible to make such a huge difference in how a non-DS kid turns out; I don't know why it shouldn't be possible to affect a positive outcome for a DS kid, but, sometimes, it looks like the parents have just given up. Rather upsetting, to say the least.

"would you love your child any less if it did have down syndrome?"

No, no; not at all.

I had an ultrasound earlier today; we were busy being relieved over general healthiness rather than obsessing over gender or nuchal folds. Organs all in right places, well-formed? Oh, phew!

Answer 3

It most likely is just not knowing what to expect. And being afraid of the work that goes into it as opposed to an average child which is hard enough.I have a family member who has it, and she is about 27 now. Shes learned about sex, and working, and taking care of herself, cooking, though she likely never be able to live alone.It wouldnt matter to me if i found out that i was expecting a DS baby, wed just have to addapt and deal with it, and of course, id love the child the same - its still your kid no matter what, i mean would you love your kid any less if they lost a limb or something, no.

Answer 4

For me the fear is that you will have a child who requires lots of extra help both physically and mentally and would I be up to the challenge. There is the fear that when you die, your child will not be able to care for them self even if they are an adult. Would your child be able to have a future with a spouse and children of their own? If I had a child with DS I would love it and not be ashamed of it, but I would certainly hope for the sake of the child that they didn't have it. I think as we get older we tend to worry more about the risk of pregnancy and having a baby with DS is one of the risks for older mothers.

Answer 5

Most people are ignorant in this world and believe a child born with downs syndrome is not as healthy as a child who wasn't. This of course is rediculous. However, I have found that the children I know with downs syndrome are the most loving, compassionate people on this earth. I believe they are angels sent by GOD. Thank you and may GOD come soon to right the wrongs that has been done on this earth.

Answer 6

I would think most people are fearing making the choice that would accompany the knowledge that the child they are carrying had Downs, whether they admit it or not. A lot of people feel their child is a reflection of themselves and they can't handle the stigma. Down's kids are wonderful, happy kids. I can't imagine someone finding out that their child has Down's and deciding terminate, but it happens on a daily basis.

Answer 7

Fear of the unknown, fear of the burden, fear of the disappointment, fear of having your life never be the same. About 90 percent of those fears were unfounded now that we know what its really like.

Answer 8

I think the fear comes from not being educated on the subject of DS. I see parents and they love their children no matter what! I am currently pregnant and did not want to get tested for it. I would never have an abortion, I will love my baby no matter what!

34 weeks, 1 day with my first! It's a girl!

Answer 9

No one should be worried about having a baby with D/S. They are honestly the most amazing children out there. I have a neice with downs and just looking at her brightens my whole entire day.. they bring soooooo much joy and they give you a new understanding of life. Its a gift to have a baby with downs.

Answer 10

we ll Let me tell you I never wanted to have e chldrens for the fear of they maybe will have a problem and I say I won't have any...Thanks God I have two healthy childrens...And Yes each time I got pregnant I was alway scare...Why not? Is not the same we all want to have a very healthy kid of course but sometimes things do happend and is nothing we can change...My heart goes with the new parents because is a challenge they face if they or me will love them any less I don't think so....I will love them even more I guess because they always will need you more from you..and Is a challenge to have a kid like that...