How can my BF and I get more control in what goes on with his kids?

Question

BF isn't the best at standing up to his ex - he works an outside job and is behind on child support. She uses this to her advantage by taking away his court ordered visitation during the week and makes plans for them on the weekends we have them. Our living together has never come up with her, but I know if he took her to court, the childsupport and "paramour" would only hurt him. It is starting to stress our relationship. I need help

I apparently left a lot out...sorry. BF DOES pay her child support each week. Weather permitting, he pays the full amount. For the past 2 years since I've been with him, he has never gone a week without paying her - it's just some weeks, he can only work 1 or 2 days. The courts won't let you prorate your childsupport because you only work 1 or 2 days....that is how he got behind.

Answer 1

You're shacking up with a guy who doesn't even support his children, and in doing so, you are risking harming his relationship with them even further than the rotten state in which it already is. I recommend you start using a foolproof method of birth control: abstinence. Make this man your EX boyfriend, and don't get into another relationship until your ability to judge character improves markedly.

Answer 2

I want to wish you the best of luck with this one. Yes it is stressful. Been there done that. My bf didnt see his kids for 7 years, was late on child support, ex always had the kids busy, even moved and didnt tell him where she or the kids were. 7 months ago he received a letter from the kids, they wanted dad back in there life, granted they are now all 3 teenagers. Are you a good role model for the kids? If you are you could work in his favor. The ex is on a control freak trip. She is using the kids to hurt him. Does he try to pay the amount owing monthly? as long as he is making an effort, you have a safe home, good parental role models, you could go to court. Or if he doesnt push it, he will have to wait. Dont fight over it, make sure you let him know you support him 175% on this. Check into the parental alienation rights where you live. It might help you out, oh and also fathers rights groups, they are so much help and they are everywhere.

Answer 3

i'm the mummy of an adolescent daughter, who at 15 advised me she became sexually lively. She wasn't pregnant. I requested her if she became going to proceed, and at the same time as she stated, "definite," I took her to the well being care specialist and she were given the pill. I never considered forbidding her from seeing her boyfriend, he's an outstanding guy that really cares about her. sex between youthful human beings is ordinary, only slightly youthful than at the same time as i became an adolescent. don't be depressed, you probably did not fail her or some thing. i visit work out the abortion can be a more effective issue than the birth control, besides the indisputable fact that that is previous now. So, help her and save her healthful. She easily talked to you and advised you about her and her boyfriend, suitable? Then, that is large. you've a superior relationship.

Answer 4

He should support his kids he had them first you're just a luxury then what is left over is for him. but just because he's behind on his support is not a legal reason for his ex to deny him visitation and the judge will agree but if he takes ex to court he will have to face the support issue maybe a little jail time for your bf and his ex would make them both better parents because they are both hurting the children.

Answer 5

If the visitation is court ordered, she cannot do this. All he has to do is show up with his court papers and the police and they will make her let the girl go. They will tell her that if she does not like it then she will have to go to court and change it because all they can do is inforce the paperwork that the court has ordered. He can be ordered to pay back child support if she does take him to court but they will make her stick to the visitation schedule as court ordered. I have seen this done many times.

Answer 6

If he has court ordered visitation and she's not allowing it, then she is violating a court order. I don't know how it is where you live but in Fl, child support and visitation are separate, just because you don't pay your support doesn't mean you don't get to see your kids. If she wants to do something about the amount that is in arrears she has to take him to court. And vise-versa. She's "walking" on him because he's allowing it by not standing up for himself and taking her back to court for violation of a court order.

Answer 7

I strongly agree with everyone above:
1) get a new BF
2) legally, she can't do this
3) is this what you want to be saddled with... if they're young, imagine this going on for another 5-10-25-30 years!!
4) the real question is not about how to manage the relationship with his children... that's a red herring: the main concern has to do with you and whether you've made a good choice to be with him

Finally, and most importantly-- we rarely see our mate honestly as we shade the relationship due to our emotions. The realities are, if this is eating at you now, imagine the impact should you guys marry.

If he can't meet his financial obligations for his children (b/c this is really about them, not about her getting his money) and is not moving along to establish the consistency with them in this department, then there are serious issues to consider between both of you: Can and would he support you if he needed to? Can he handle his business in general? Where are you emotionally that you would hook up with someone who seems to not be very responsible- what does this truly say about your emotional needs and level? Are you willing to ignore these questions to remain with him?

Answer 8

interesting your supporting a man who can't support his kids. Maybe you should put yourself in her shoes..she is fighting for what is right by her kids. I think you should stay out of it since its not your problem. You are only adding to the issue. Just remember..this guy already did this to her already and your getting in line to be next. Get a new boyfriend.

Answer 9

your boyfriend needs to catch up on his child support.

meanwhile, his ex can't legally deny him visitation. but if he takes her to court, he might find himself in jail for being behind in child support.

when all else fails, perhaps your boyfriend can consult someone who has experience in family law matters - paralegal or attorney.

take care.

Answer 10

Get a new boyfriend.