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My ex thinks it's no big deal to drive drunk with our daughter. When I can I stop it but am I to the point of not letting him see her? Just last night he came to get her and he was smashed...of course I did not let her go. This has to be hard on her too because she loves him. She sees him about once a week. Just wondering how others deal with this. My daughter is 13. Any sincere thoughts are appreciated.

2007-03-21 07:59:55 · 22 answers · asked by caraanne2005 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

Can I just say you guys are amazing? I really needed to be uplifted about this today. He wants to take her to Florida for spring break. How could I possibly allow it? I would love that for the two of them but.....this man has multiple DUI's and many times has driven her while intoxicated or I have prevented it. Thank you for all your encouraging words. They are truly appreciated.

2007-03-21 08:12:12 · update #1

22 answers

Sit down with you ex husband and ask him to get help for the sake of his daughter. Chances are he won't listen, but warn him that if he doesn't - you're going to call your attorney and demand supervised visitation and he'll no longer be allowed to take your daughter anywhere.

I know it's hard, but you're doing the right thing. It has to stop before someone gets hurt.

ETA: I would stand your ground and not let her leave town with him. There's nothing he can really do about it except file a petition with the court and say your not letting him see his kid (which isn't true - you're just not letting her leave town w/him). Then, you can explain the situation to the judge.

Be strong. I know it's hard for your daughter to understand, but just explain that you're only looking out for her safety and that you have no problem with her seeing her dad - you only want him sober when he takes her out.

2007-03-21 08:04:49 · answer #1 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 4 0

Don't feel bad at all...you're absolutely doing the right thing. Never let your daughter go in the car with your intoxicated ex because there will come a day when you let her go with him and he will be under the influence and it will be the last time you see your daughter. Also, you're daughter's 13 and she's old enough to understand she can't be in a car with a drunk guy and if she's not tell her that's the way it is and that's the way it will be.

2007-03-21 15:07:51 · answer #2 · answered by MichiganRocks 4 · 1 0

What you are doing it right, do not release your daughter to him if he is drunk. If you do, you are as responsible for what happens as he is. If he persists in showing up drunk all the time, do him a favor and call the police, let them know he is driving drunk and where he is. It may seem cruel, but sometimes it is the only way to get these guys the help they need. The judge will probably order him to join AA or something to help him quit drinking. However, that is your choice, the big thing is to not endanger your daughter that way, explain to her why you are not letting her go, that it is for her safety. She should understand and hopefully your ex will figure it out in time and start showing up sober. Good Luck

2007-03-21 15:14:32 · answer #3 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 1 0

I feel for you! The same situation happened with my 14 yr old son about 3 years ago. My son thinks his father hung the moon, so I had to "arrange" a discussion away from my son, and I told my ex that if he wanted to risk his life by drinking and driving then so be it, he was an adult and needed to make his own choices, but I would not let him risk my sons life. He had to choose the drinking or his son, I would not allow him to have both at the same time, and if he showed up at my house drunk, then we would let the police decide who was in the right, him for having court ordered visitation or me for not letting my son go with a man who had been drinking. He got the hint and decided the drinking was more important. He has only seen his son a couple times in the past few years.! Best of Luck to you and I hope your ex will come to realize his child is more important than a beer!

2007-03-21 15:16:17 · answer #4 · answered by wannabntx2003 1 · 1 0

Next time you know he does this call the cops and tell them your ex is driving around with your daughter and you have a feeling he may be intoxicated. I know it sounds mean but maybe him getting a DUI and charged with child endangerment will wake him up. Really your putting your own child in a car with a intoxicated driver would you rather him get caught or have a officer bang on your door telling you your child has been killed in an accident?

2007-03-21 15:13:19 · answer #5 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1 0

I would contact your local police department and discuss the issue with them. Whatever it takes to prevent this person from driving drunk with a child should be done. Anything less shows a lack of love for the child and for the alcoholic himself. The alcoholic dad would never fully recover emotionally if his irresponsible actions hurt his own daughter. It is up to you, the only rational one at the moment, to aggressively make sure that he never again drives drunk with your daughter, even if it means his visitation rights must be revoked until he gets help for his alcoholism. Don't let him intimidate you!

2007-03-21 15:09:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

My little girls father and I were never married, and we broke up due to his reckless drinking. I don't let him pick her up alone. I picked trusted people on his side of the family his mother and sister, that do not drink, and I make visitations with them, and if he visits then, he does, and I am very open for them to see her any time they want. He shows up sporadically. I have it at the school he can never dismiss her as I fear he may get drunk. Mine is easier to document as he has 3 DUIs on record. Don't let her go, as lord knows what the outcome could be and gently talk to your daughter, it will be hard for her understand but reassure her, that her saftety comes first and above all.

2007-03-21 15:13:29 · answer #7 · answered by Maria A. 3 · 1 0

worst case scenario, he kills her. best case scenario, he wrecks car with her in it and hurts her bad. this will never work if he is showing up drunk you document it and tell him he is never to do that again. if he does you call the cops right away. yes I am jaded I lost someone very dear to me because some drunk hit them. I am not resentful but I don't see any way or reason to put up with it. if it gets down to it you are the parent not your child and he might need supervised visits because of how he is acting. you will lose your child to a drunken idiot on the road. live with a few tears and harsh words from your daughter now or live the rest of your life going to her grave saying I wish I had done more to stop him from taking her from me. you decide.

2007-03-21 15:22:14 · answer #8 · answered by Bear_Polaroid 3 · 0 0

My thinking process would be that since she's old enough to see and understand the situation, you can always tell her times when it's not safe to be with her dad, give situations and examples. Explain that it's not safe whatsoever. I would then find a way to take his keys so he CAN'T drive. Or call the police and let them know the situation; this way, if he DOES drive away, alone or with your daughter, they'll scope him out and get him for drinking and driving.

2007-03-21 15:13:02 · answer #9 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 1 0

Letting him drive with a child when he is drunk is not only stupid it is illegal. If something were to happen you could get in trouble for child endangerment (As in, You knew he was drunk and let the child go with him anyway.) My children have lost 2 classmates in the last 10 years because their parents murdered them while driving drunk. The law calls it vehicular manslaughter or intoxication manslaughter, but it is murder. Please discuss the options with your daughter. She is old enough for the conversation.

2007-03-21 15:13:42 · answer #10 · answered by Blue Eyed Baby 5 · 1 0

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