Should I tell my boss' wife that he has been cheating on her for YEARS?

Question

I am looking for another job. I am so tired of covering for him. He is the owner of the business, but his favorite things to do is play golf and run around with his friends, including his girlfriend. He thinks just because he has a lot of money, he can do whatever he wants to do. I feel sorry for his wife. I would want to know if it was me.

Answer 1

No stay out of it. She probably already knows.

Answer 2

First of all, experts in infidelity say that it's a MYTH that the betrayed spouse "already knows" or "always knows." (For reference, books by Shirley Glass & Dr. Harley, etc.) The truth is that very few betrayed spouses know about the adultery.

Second, for many reasons, the only decent & moral thing to do is to inform the betrayed spouse. There are serious STDs out there, not to mention the other damage that is being inflicted on the betrayed spouse (see above books/authors for an explanation of this stuff). Also, if it were you, you would want to know!!! I think helping a person cheat or hide it is wrong, and it's great that you aren't going to help this guy hurt his wife/family anymore.

Third, I think the best way to tell the betrayed wife is (1) after you have a new job; (2) anonymously; and (3) with as much detail and information as you can in order to "prove" the legitimacy of the information and to help her sort through the mess her husband created. Include the name & contact information of the "other woman/women," where they tend to go & when, etc. This will help the betrayed wife sort through the lies & pain, and also prevent him from denying it and causing her further pain/confusion.

Good luck. Doing the right thing is not always the easiest thing.

Answer 3

Since you are already looking for another job, just stop covering for him. If his wife calls asking for him you could say that he isn't there and you don't know where he is - he might be with "girlfriend or golfing" or whatever but you'll give him the message she called when he gets back or something like that. You are right that he apparently feels "entitled" to his life and his wife is probably totally in the dark and unsuspecting and undeserving of this kind of treatment. I totally believe that what goes around comes around and some day he will get his due. Only you can make the decision of whether you can live with yourself if you do tell or live with yourself if you don't. Good luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 4

I would highly suspect that she knows already. If she doesn't know the whole truth, she probably assumes he is cheating on her. Some women will put up with a lot to live a comfortable lifestyle. It sounds like that is what he can provide for her.

Listen, I am all about honesty and there have been many times that I have disclosed to or confronted someone. You really have to "pick your battles wisely". if you already have your foot out the door and you do not fear repercussions, I guess you have nothing to lose. If however, it could come back to haunt you, just stay out of it. She will more than likely see the writing on the wall soon enough, if it really isn't a cozy situation for her.

Really though, do find another job. I know i couldn't work for someone with no integrity or morals like that. You will be much happier.

Answer 5

On the first day of your new job, you are free to do what you want.

However -- we had a woman approach the boss' wife and inform her of an affair. It backfired. Wifey accused the woman telling of wanting her husband and a day later the whistleblower was sent packing. No severance pay, no stapler, nothing.

Sorry - but no one died and left you in charge of how other people lead their sordid lives. Pass judgment on him in private all you want, but perhaps the best you can do is tell him he has 24 hours to tell the wife or you will contact her (do so anonymously, of course -- see if you can't do it anonymously that is a sure sign you want credit for the info and means you are a meddling snoop). Even if you are in the clear with a new job, I'd shut the *hell* up about other people and worry about yourself, Little Miss Nosey.

Answer 6

First and foremost, find the new job and make sure you have it because once your boss gets busted by his wife, he will no longer give you anything but a terrible reference. Once you are out of the situation, yes, you should tell his wife. She may already know and for some stupid reason be ok with it, but she does have right to know about it. Anybody who says it isnt any of your business is wrong, I am sure if it was them that had a spouse cheating, they would want you to tell them about it.

Answer 7

I was put in the same spot when i worked in an Italian resturant. My Boss (the owner) had a girlfriend who WORKED there but only in the mornings and i couldnt figure out why she wasnt working night shifts, and getting paid with everyone else. Well i figured it out when i walked in early one day. I ended up being fired and yes i did tell his wife. She didnt believe me but to have something like that weighing on my concious wasnt happening. I did what i could. I would recomend finding a defanite job before you tell her so that way he cant to ruin other prospects for you and you can still use him as a referance. Just wait until after the fact

Answer 8

It is not your place to inform his wife.
Chances are his wife knows. Women tend to suspect things like that. Men can be a little clumsy after doing it for a few years. You may even embrass her if she knew you knew.

If your truly uncomfortable, it would be good for you to mention to your boss, that you do like his wife, and if he has to be with this other woman, that you would appreciate that he be more discreet when he is around others, including you.
I doubt you will lose your job over it, as he knows your a witness to this so called disgusting crime of his.
I truly feel for you in this situation.
Hope you can find the strength to confront him, and for him to accommodate your feelings as well.

Answer 9

Not unless you want to become involved with their private life, and be known as the "snitch". This is a private matter between him and his wife. If this has been going on for years, surely to goodness his wife knows something is "up" (forgive the pun). It really is none of your business anyways, and unless you plan on becoming a major part of their marriage after you leave the company (which I'm hoping you don't want), stay out of it.

Answer 10

You never know anything about anyone...unless you walk a mile in their shoes. Time will tell and ultimately reveal his secrets to his wife...if she is even worthy of finding out - she will see the signs. Perhaps, she is guilty of the same or other transgressions.

Don't let the actions and behaviors of others' determine how you will pursue your life - it may not be in your character to be the bearer of bad news...you may even open up a can of worms that can cause havoc in your life...even if your intentions are noble.

Fact is, allow the cause and effect relationship of life to run it's course. In the end, we all pay the consequences of our actions.

Shel - 78

Answer 11

Yes its the right thing to do , do it though after you find and get this other job. Or better yet do this accidentally give her some kind of proof but remain anonymous . Proof like lipstick in his office, hair ties, women's clothing etc. Get her to come down to the office , or if she comes over she will find it and put 2 and 2 together.You won't need to say a word.

or I second that photo idea.

What he is doing is wrong, lots of people will say to not get involved , that is what is wrong with the world too many people " not wanting to get involved" due laziness or selfishness. He is risking the health and welfare of his wife and children(?) . He could give them STD's. Which will only perpetuate the spread of them.This man is disgusting, If he doesn't want to be with his wife then he should leave her and let her be HAPPY. He should not be allowed to have his cake and eat it too. No one should.