Miscarriage Should I?

Question

Feel so sad and worried that this could effect my unborn child. I have two friends that have called me crying in less than two weeks because they have had misscarriages. One friend last week she was 7 weeks..and one friend today lost twins she was 5 weeks..Im 11 weeks and 3 days along now. And im worrying and so sad that my friends are going thru this. they are doing terrible. Im crying and my other friend says you cant worry about them you are going to cry and stress your baby and give you a chance to miscarry. I mean what am I suppose to do I care about my friends. Do I not listen to there pain,and there tears. But thats not me im a true friend. And now I dont know how to react to them since im still pregnant I dont feel that I want to say anything else to them about my pregnancy even tsince this has happened to them. I pray they get thru this. But what am I to should i listen to my one friend and not worry about my other friends and what happen to them as much. What would you do

Answer 1

I don't think it is possible to not worry about your friends. They are your friends. I think you can be there for them and listen to them, help them through this and not be stressed and lose your baby too. After spending time with them, work on some relaxation techniques to release the stress so you can be calm for your baby.

Answer 2

Hello there honey. You can not stop being the person that you are. You can not quit caring about the people that you love just because you are pregnant. There are some changes you need to make out of concern for your pregnancy but caring about your friends is not one of them.
I mean, it is not as if you are so broken up to the point that you have gone to bed and can't get up, have stopped eating and have done nothing but cry for the last three days!
What you are feeling is normal. In fact your emotions are closer to the surface and more easily touched than when you are not pregnant. I remember I used to cry when I read mushy Hallmark cards! I mean really cry! It was awful!
Don't worry about it. You are being the caring, loving person that you have always been. You sound like a good friend and a wonderful personal! Your friends are lucky to have you.
You and your baby will be fine. I am sure that you have so much happening in your life that you will find plenty of things to be happy about too. Your life will be full of things like hearing the baby's heartbeat at the doctors, your first ultrasound and and later even feeling the baby move for the first time.
Listen, you have every reason to be happy! It is not your fault that your friends lost their baby's. You can not help it that you are carrying a healthy pregnancy (so far) and they lost their's. That is nothing for you to feel guilty about. Let your friends know that you care about them and that you are really sorry for what happened. They have no right to expect you to tone down your happiness just because of what happened to them. Tho I would not "bubble over" too much when I was with them either! They will understand if they are really your friends. It is probably normal that they may avoid being around you for a bit, it may hurt and cause them to remember too much. That is normal and it might be asking too much for them to act as if nothing has happened. I would not talk about your pregnancy unless they bring it up and even then I would try hard to be vague. In other words be careful not to "rub salt in the wound" not that you would do that in purpose, just be careful of what you say and do. They will be alright and will probably be pregnant again before you know it. It is not the end of the world for them.
Take care of yourself and enjoy your pregnancy! You have every right to. Above all do NOT let their bad luck make you enjoy YOUR pregnancy any less! You have so much to be happy about and you are so blessed! Maybe you will meet some new friends that are pregnant too and not that they will replace these dear friends they will be the ones that you can talk to without trying to be careful not to open up old wounds.
I hope I have been able to help a little bit dear. Like I said, you sound like a really good friend and they are lucky to have you. Not all people would be so sensitive. You sound like a really wonderful person!
Love and Blessings
Lady Trinity~

Answer 3

Sweetie dont worry, that is an old wives tale. You will be fine. Every women has a 25 % chance of miscarrying everytime they get pregnant. In the 1st 10 weeks is when the baby develops the most, so if the baby doesnt develop correctly then your body rejects it bc it will be born with a disability. Sometimes the disabilities dont happen until further on, that is y some are born with them, but the ones that will handycap the child severly, your body rejects. Hope that helps, be there for your friends, they need you. The only thing you need to not do is worry about your baby, just make sure you take care of yourself, like eat, and get good sleep, and then be a sholder for them to cry on, You seem like a good friend.

Answer 4

I think you should definitely be there for your friends. Don't worry you are not going to miscarry over this. Besides you are almost through the first trimester and your risk will drop greatly. I feel very sad for your friends though, I know it is not the same, but maybe they can be Aunties to your little one. I wouldn't bring this up right away though. Also, try to reassure them that it wasn't meant to be, that our bodies have a natural way of working this out. The baby(ies) probably were not healthy, through no fault of your friends and that is why their pregnancies ended. I would be a little more tactful then how I put it, but you know what I mean.
Good luck and remember sometimes friends are more like family and you should never turn your back on them.

Answer 5

This is a hard question to answer. I had 3 miscarriages and my sister and sister-in-law both had all their children fine with no difficulies. However, they took 2 different aproaches. My sister-in-law had her first and said "Ha Ha...I beat you!" Then the night of my miscarriage said "I will probably have another baby before you have one." By the time she had her 3rd, I had pretty much shut her out altogether. My mother-in-law couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to go to her baby shower...go figure! When my sister found out that she was pregnant, she had an entirely different approach. She called from out-of-state to tell me that she had something to tell me but didn't want to upset me. Then she included me in the pregnancy with sono pics. When she had her 2nd child, she had moved back and let me go to sonogram appts with her and come in the delivery room as soon as the baby was born. She asked me to take some pictures too. Letting me be involved in the excitement (rather than making me feel like I had failed) really took away some of the heart ache. My trouble getting pregnant and then 3 miscarriages were over a 7 year span so I became very depressed and felt like I was doing something wrong. I had more time to think about things then a friend that this just happened to the first time. It might be sad for them in a way to go to appointments with you, but it might be thereaputic for them if you at least asked to involve them. Maybe also ask if they want to help with opening gifts or writing things down at your shower. Don't treat them any different than you would if they were never pregnant. Ask them to do all the things you would ask a friend to do and tell them if it is too much then they can feel free to express their feelings with you and it is ok to step back. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Wow, that's a lot to digest. I would take a cue from your writing and tell you to breathe. You're so upset you're running everything that's going on in your life into one big thing.

It's not. These are very sad and isolated events. You can be a loving and supportive friend without going on about your pregnancy. You can listen way more than you talk and you can at the same time honor your child by taking care of yourself.

This is a very drama filled sad situation, but as a mother to be you need to step back, if only slightly, to protect what is yours alone to protect.

They will get through it, it's sad but very common. Life will move ahead and eventually your baby will be here.

Good luck, sorry for your losses. Hang in there.

Answer 7

While stress isn't good for you or your baby, it is ok for you to feel sad for your friends. You should send them a card or something to let them know that you are thinking about them, but if they have other friends then they should really be talking to them about this right now. Just as you feel bad for them and don't want to talk about your pregnancy for fear of upsetting them, if they are your friends then they should know that at this point in your pregnancy you don't really need to hear all the details about their miscarriages. Just let them know that you are sorry for their loss, but don't feel guilty that you are still pregnant. The last thing your friends want is for you to lose your baby too.

Answer 8

I had a miscarriage and I really appreciated my friends being their for me, but I didn't need them there all the time.

The stress is something that you really don't need, but I would still be there for them if they need to talk.

I think the hardest part will be talking about your pregnancy to them, I had a friend that continued their pregnancy after I lost mine, it was very awkward at first, I felt myself being jealous of her, but eventually I was able to look past that and be happy. It just takes a little while to recover emotionally, and the person really has to do it on their own.

Just let them know you are there, but don't stress yourself over it! Early Miscarriages are very common, it is just their body telling them that something was wrong and it is not meant to be. I think that for you, you need to worry about yourself, you have reached the 11 week mark, be happy, and don't worry (even though it is natural to worry)

Just enjoy this time in your life! Good Luck!

Answer 9

You are doing the right hing by being sympathetic to them, but do not allow the stress to make you worry about your baby. You are almost 12 weeks, which dramatically lessens your chances of miscarriage.

Your firends will still be happy for you, so do not try to hide your feeelings and pregnancy from them. If you do, they may feel left out, and they will have to face your motherhood sometime anyway.

Congrats on your little one, and give your friends a hug from me :-)

Answer 10

be there for your friends but do not let it stress you out.

You need to make sure you're staying healthy and stress free or else you could be the next one to experience their pain.

A loss of a child is horrible but they were likely doing something wrong. Don't you find it a little weird that 2 of your friends who were pregnant at the same time miscarried? I do.

I personally would say I'm sorry for their loss and move on. You have your own unborn child to worry about.