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I'm a stay at home mom with 2 children and I'm active in the community.

2007-03-21 07:44:12 · 9 answers · asked by Maryann 1 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

9 answers

Leave him.

If he doesn't understand what marriage is, or that you are a human being with a right to a say in your own life, then leave him.

The only things you could try would be: Charge him for every hour you give caring for HIS kids and house -- charge the going rate for all of the tasks you do, and every hour, including time-and-a-half for overtime and double-time for holidays.

Or, try to get him into counseling. Use the idea that it's either counseling, or he can live alone and hire a maid, a cook, and a laundress, and see his kids now and then.

Most likely nothing will work.

Get out while you can.

He will have to pay child support.

You wouldn't want your children to grow up learning his attitude that a wife is a slave, would you?

Edit: Afterthought: Tell him that, unwilling to have him call all the shots, you will get a job and bring in income, too, much as you hate to have to do that.

If that's the way to have a say in your own life, that is what you will do. He can stay home with the kids, or pay for someone to take care of kids and home, but you are unwilling to be his slave.

Of course, what you want is a partnership, where you contribute all the stuff you contribute, and his contributes the very little he contributes, but, frankly, I doubt someone who takes his attitude is capable of reason.

2007-03-21 15:21:26 · answer #1 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0 0

Ok, here's what you do. Since your hubby obviously thinks you do NOTHING that contributes to the family, then do JUST THAT..................NOTHING!

My husband tried this on my once. He told me the money he brought home was his, the house was his, the furniture was his, ect. because I stayed at home with the kids.

So, I decided that since I "obviously" didn't do anything all day then I would just enjoy being mommy. And that's exactly what I did. For about a week I spent every day taking the kids to the park, to Nana's, to the library, or just played outside. It was actually alot of fun and the kids had a blast. What I DIDN'T do was dishes, laundry, the floors, the bathrooms, pick up toys, pay the bills, buy groceries, answer all the phonecalls from hubby's mother, return all the phone messages from hubby's mother, check the mail, deal with the insurance guy, buy stamps, make dinner, make the bed, iron clothes, mow the grass, and all the other little things I normally do on a near daily basis. He got tired of this real quick and realized that I actually did ALOT everyday before he ever walked in the door.....and I did it all with 3 kids running around the house.

Every once in a while I have to take a "day off" to remind him of everything that I do around here. When I take a "day off" it tends to show him all the things that get done when I am "working".

2007-03-24 23:05:05 · answer #2 · answered by guatemama 4 · 0 0

Sounds like he is trying to get your respect and doesn't feel like he is getting it. Perhaps you can tell him how much you respect the fact that he works hard to provide for the family and how much you appreciate the opportunity to stay at home with the children because of his hard work. Men need to hear this and they also need to believe that they are your hero - he wants to be admired and looked up to like he was when he first met you - remember? You just thought he was Mr. Wonderful and admired all this different qualities he had.

So, to change the dynamics in a relationship, you have to change your approach. Try this out, it may take a while but he will be less of a blow hard and will not feel the need to remind you he is the provider - that's what he is trying to do here. And, when we show our husbands the respect that they CRAVE, they treat us in a loving manner which is what WE CRAVE. In other words, he will begin complimenting you on what you contribute to the relationship which is a lot, by the way, and will act more loving. Neither sex is wrong, we are just wired different.

It sounds like you both want to feel appreciated and he gets it through respect and would rather hear the word respect more than the word love - really, no lie. And we, as women, love to hear it through words of love, like "Thank you for going to the trouble of making my favorite supper." Enough to make you smile for a long while, now isn't it? Same concept.

Good luck.
Good luck.

2007-03-21 14:52:41 · answer #3 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0 0

Tell him that he should give you a chance by staying home with the kids while you bring home the bacon.
All relationships (no matter how it is configured) should strive to be 50/50 when calling the shots.

2007-03-21 14:48:45 · answer #4 · answered by Holly Golightly 4 · 0 0

Oh no he didn't. Tell him that you work ur butt off every single day and he has no right to say that he "calls the shots". Also, you might want to include that you are married and have made a commitment to each other. But, before you say all that, you should ask yourself if you are overreacting because he may have just been teasing you.

2007-03-21 14:51:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Tell him to get real. Maybe his great grandfather and grandfather did that many years ago but today it takes TWO to raise a family, make decisions together and share the responsibilities.
The 1950's, 60's etc are history and if he does not grow up, he can be history.

2007-03-21 15:28:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

sorry but if he acting so high and mighty you tell him to cook , clean and take care of kids and whatever else it is that you do honey. i am mother of 5 and i tell hubby to kiss my azz if he starts talkin like that to me. hes the one who participated in the act of pretty much makin me stay home by having children. i trying to go back to work now so i dont depend on him financially but it is hard because of the kids i send my youngest son off to school in august so i'll have the time then but for now i tell him you the one responsible for making me stay home and depend on you azzhole. if not then i would be out workin and you wouldnt be sayin this chit to me. thats my opinion hope it helps you.

2007-03-21 14:55:15 · answer #7 · answered by war 3 · 0 0

he thinks he calls the shots but whos running the family? you are that is abuse and you dont have to take it raising a family is alot harder than a 9-5 make money job and alot less rewarding he doesnt want a partner he wants a slave and thats crap women deserve better than that

2007-03-21 14:54:34 · answer #8 · answered by jmcgraw1975@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0 0

wow...Can you say divorce..and HALF!!!!

2007-03-21 15:19:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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