My wife had a two-month affair with a black guy from her work.
When i found out about it - she immediatly quit the job - and we went to counseling.
We are still verry much in love...and almost strronger as a couple now.
I know they had sex in our bedroom often on their lunch hour, I know he spend 1 night overnight here with her when i was out of town- I know he was "big"...i realize now these are questions i should have never asked.
Anyhow - when I am intimate with my wife - I cant stop thinking about "him". I wonder if he was better - how much better - if she thinks about him still when she is with me- all these thoughts are in my mind when we are close.
Our counseler is great - he keeps saying it will take time but -
I guess I want to ask how other guys got over an affair.
Do you think about her "lover" when you are with your wife/girlfriend??.
Did you want to know/need to know the "details"?
Thanks
2007-03-21 07:14:04 · 23 answers · asked by sporty_402001 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry I can't relate, I wouldn't of stuck around, I am on the opinion once a whore............
2007-03-21 07:17:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 5⤋
Dude.
I'd give serious consideration to hitting the bricks. In any case, speaking for myself I don't think I could ever live down the resentment unless I got even, and then some. I don't mean even in the sense of revenge, I mean even in the sense of if it was good for the gander it's good for the goose. Let her wonder how good the other girl was.
She'll likely have a fit if you say this, to which my reply would be "Look how upset you are and I haven't even done anything. Imagine how I feel." Heck, once you've had an adventure equal to hers then she can stop feeling bad and saying she's sorry and you can try the relationship again.
The real problem here is that no matter how many times she says she's sorry, you will still always feel cheated and always feel like a chump. You will never stop thinking about it.
Get out, or get your fair share.
2007-03-21 07:33:11 · answer #2 · answered by Duck in the woods 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Do yourself a favor and forget about wanting to know. Her betrayal of your trust was hurtful as it is, why would you want to further that damage by lumping on details about him that might make you feel inadequate in some way. Besides if you worked things out then you should not be on here, telling us how you have to know everything that went on. If you worked things out then you should have moved on passed this. The question you should really be dealing with is why she cheated in the first place. Those details allow you to learn from past mistakes and teach you how to avoid them in the future. Not that what ever the reason, she shouldn't have cheated.
2007-03-21 08:00:57 · answer #3 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, sometimes the truth hurts. Can you handle the truth? Hmmmmm, did she stop the affair on her own before anyone knew about it, or only after she had been caught? I'm sure you ask her many questions. Did you discover that the devil truely is in the details?
She lusted for him and despite her marriage, she tried him and liked him and went back again and again, for more and more...until she was finally caught. Once again, can you handle the truth? Do you really not know for sure that he was both bigger and better? Why do you wonder, unless you can't face the truth.
2007-03-21 07:45:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting. You are more concerned with the sexual prowness of your wife's lover that you are about you wife's unfaithfulness.
It's the same way when men wonder about their wives previous partners even if they didn't cheat. You are a better man than me, because I don't think I would have asked any details. But, the fact that you did, shows you either care or you are a glutton for punishment.
I vote glutton for punishment. Even if the guy was bigger and better, you have to realize that you really can't do anything about the "bigger" part. But you can do something about the "better" part. You have to realize that being better all starts in a woman's mind. You have to make love to a woman's mind, then it won't matter how big you are....assuming you aren't hung like a tic-tac.
2007-03-21 07:25:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
Well since you wanted to work things out with your wife, you asked to many questions and really out of respect for you she should have never answered them.
I really dont know if you will ever get those images out of your mind. My husband cheated on me, in my house and even went a far as to tell me how she tasted - I never got those images out of my head, I left him several years later.
Maybe you should move and get a new bedroom set, after all do you really want to make love to your wife in the same bed as she f****ed another man? That might be something that is making you think about what happened with your wife and him.
Good luck, really I mean it
2007-03-21 07:23:53 · answer #6 · answered by Rosie 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What an honorable man you are to continue to love your wife and want to continue your marriage! I admire you a great deal.
However, some things are best left unknown. Your heart and mind will find more comfort in the things that you do not know. That is a thing of the past. DON'T LOOK BACK because there's nothing you can do to change that, ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD because you have tomorrow to make your future! Best of luck to you and your wife!
2007-03-21 07:19:29 · answer #7 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
my wife had and affair 3 years ago and i have never forgot i still feel the same way you do now i dont think it will ever go away i do love my wife but the trust is never going to be the same i wish it would but its going to be on my mined i hope it works for us like i said i do love her and never want to lose her but the images are there im sorry to say
2007-03-21 07:49:35 · answer #8 · answered by tom d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my fiancee had an affair and I did not want to know any of the details because i knew it would have haunted me and i would never have been able to forgive him. Now that you know all the details the best thing is for you to talk about it with her, tell her how you feel and what goes through your mind. If she really loves you she'll help you through this.
2007-03-21 07:20:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I don't think you really want to know the details. You should focus on what were the reasons that caused the affair to happen
The reasons will help you move past the affair.
The details will make you leave.
2007-03-21 07:18:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 1⤋
I think you are a rare breed....and hats off to you! My husband and I have have talked about these type things in the past (neither of us has cheated) and he said there was no way he could get past it; but I thought I could if faced with it. I wouldn't have wanted to know any details. Hang in there, I hope she knows how lucky she is to have you!
2007-03-21 07:19:49 · answer #11 · answered by abc 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋