Should I work with her?

Question

I just graduated and recently, I got a great paying sales job. This job is the only thing that I can be proud of. My friends used to think I wont be able to achieve much in life due to the way I used to behave, partying, etc. But now, I am trying my best to clean up my act. I worked hard to go through a degree and my friends paid money to 'buy' themselves a degree. Now one of them is complaining that she is not earning enough(which is true) and is depressed. Now, my corp is hiring and I introduced her somehow half of me wish that she will get the job and the other half of me is reluctant. One point is I do not wish to be snatching sales with her and the other reason is I do not want her to take away something that I could finally be proud of, to be earning a comfortable salary..She is quite well to do and I have study debts to clear.This is the first time that I have an hedge over my friends and somehow I feel quite selfish.. Am I a bad friend? Shd I continue to help her to get the job

Answer 1

NO!!!!!!!!!!!! It will ruin your friendship. Don't do it. You need to think of yourself for once.

Answer 2

There seems to be two issues here:

1) Your desire to prove yourself not only to your friends, but to you as well. As such, you are willing to see them "suffer" a bit to finally put yourself on top.

2) Helping out a friend who may be qualified for the job, but could potentially hurt your own career by offering direct competition.

The first item is, well, selfish and juvenille. You have worked hard to get where you are, but by your own admission, you were also a "partier". It seems to me that you can readily forgive your "party days", but can't really let go of the fact that your friends' families were better off financially. In other words, you are stating that since you "turned a corner" in your life, all past transgressions should be forgiven and forgotten, but the same is not true for your friends. This is a double standard and I strongly encourage you to not focus on this. Anything you did or anything they were given in their youths is now history - your futures depend a lot on what YOU all do as adults. Even if your friends have a cushion of they fail (thanks to their parents' financial assets), they still have to prove themselves just as much as you. Therefore, please move on from that.

The second item is a bit more involved. Do you help a friend or do you do what's best for you? I say take the "high road". You introduced your friend to the company. Your job there is done - the rest is up to her. Will she pursue a position there? If so, will she even get hired? If you are called in by management to comment on your friend, be prepared to give a professional reply. That is, don't focus on banal topics like her family's wealth or how she didn't work hard in school. Rather, focus on what you feel are her strengths and how she could benefit the company, but also state some of your reservations - in a very diplomatic manner. For example, you can point out that she has a out-going personality, which is good for sales, but that she lacks any sales experience. That is a professional comment that management would appreciate.

If she is hired, continue taking the high road. Don't view her as direct competition, per se, but rather as a colleague. You both ultimately have to stand on your own merits. If you perform strongly, it will be noticed, regardless of what she does. Do not go out of your way to cover for her or assist her - but do guide her as she needs it, especially if your bosses ask you to do so. In other words, don't make her job your job. She has to succeed or fail on your own. If she blames you for her failure, and it is clearly her own fault, then she not only is a bad friend, but in denial. You can only help so much.

One thing to note is that ALL companies will have "favorites". There's always those few employees who seem to get special favoritism from the bosses, even if they do minimal work or poor quality work. You can never win those battles. Trust me, others see this too and eventually these things will hurt the boss if the favoritism is too extreme (i.e., work gets behind or the employee simply doesn't know the subject or other employees start to leave, etc.). So once again, focus on your own goals. If you do a good job, you won't have to worry about her.

If she really is some type of back-stabbing person who steals your clients and insults you at every turn, consider it a lesson learned. Move on from the company and dissociate yourself from this person.

But based on what you wrote, your friend simply looks like she wants a job and you have an opportunity to help. Maybe your company even gives a hiring referral bonus! So don't dismiss this possibility too quickly.

Good luck in your career!

Answer 3

That's a hard situation to deal with. Since you've already told your employer about her, you helped, you shouldn't do much more considering the feelings you're having now. Thinking about the future too, since you have seniority over her (if she does get hired), you might be her boss or atleast supervisor some day and that will seriously strain your relationship. Let her know you told your employer and wish her luck on her job search. Encourage her with her other interviews and when she asks if they've said anything to you about her at your job, just be honest and nice and let her know that if they haven't they haven't and if they have, depending on what they said, maybe try to down play it a little.
Good luck.

Answer 4

No, you are not a bad friend. How can you recommend your friend--you can't say anything that isn't true otherwise that will fly back at you. She's a manipulator, trying to make you feel bad so she can get something she wants. Be empathetic--tell her how rough it must be about so and so, then keep on working hard on your own life. You owe her nothing--she not your child--in other words you are not responsible for her. Congrats and keep up the good work.

Answer 5

It is a bad idea to work with friends if you're not able to separate friendship from business - which you don't seem able to do. Real friends support one another and are proud of one another's accomplishments, regardless of whether one of them is better off financially or has a higher status job.

If you can't recommend this woman for a position with your company, then don't do so. If you can't put away your own insecurities and celebrate her succes in life, then don't call yourself her friend.

Answer 6

Well by her working there you wouldn't be any less accomplished or make less money. . .So it's really competition versus if your money is going to debt and hers is going to a savings account. But if you are a good friend you should want to help her, and not compete. It makes you look even better after all, that you got the job on your own, but she needed you, and you were nice enough to help her, I think.

Answer 7

if you are already having these feeling they are liable to get worse once you are working for the same co, it is a little selfish, but its human nature. you have got her foot in the door. I would go no further considering your feeliings. Hopefully she will get a call today from another employer.

Answer 8

no this is a normal feeling

you worked hard for what you have and she has not. you feel everything has been givin to her and by doing this for her it's as your just giving it to her. what has she ever done for you?

if she does get it just think that you'll still be ahead of her because you've been there longer

Answer 9

do NOT help her - if she surpasses you and rubs it in your face you will regret it the rest of your life - i would totally get away from her - it's not worth the aggrevation

Answer 10

No, you shouldn't help her, it is already affecting you.

Besides, if she doesn't work out, they will blame you.