I dated a great guy a couple of years ago. He was just not a marrying type. So when i met my now-husband, we broke up with him peacefully, without any fights. Thus my husband NEVER had any problems with my ex-boyfriend. We kept in touch until I got married. Talked on the phone , got together for lunch several times,emailed each other when he moved to a different country. He is a very smart and educated person, so we became really good friends. I love my husband dearly. But a few days ago he demanded that I stop talking to my ex and said that he doubts his intentions, and that he even questions my judgement.Now my question is - is it really so wrong to keep in touch with your ex? Is it wrong to become friends? My husband occasionally contacts his ex-wife, saying that "its totally different". I was wrong with my judgements before... Am I wrong again?
2007-03-21 06:53:46 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks all of you guys for your opinion and advice. I still have a little bit of a different point of view. But you helped me to understand my husband's thoughts and feelings. Men and women are really different. I will just need to remember it. Thanks again!
2007-03-21 07:27:05 · update #1
Your Husband for some reason feels uneasy about this friendship. I think his feelings must come before the friend's. Just be honest with the friend and let him know you are totally commited to your marriage. Sometimes old friendships must be forgotten to be totally committed. If your husband feels uncomfortable about this continuing, by all means put it to rest. After all you didn't say "till death do us part" to your old boyfriend. Good Luck
2007-03-21 07:04:52 · answer #1 · answered by mickieperkins2003 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have only had 2 instances were I became friends with my ex. One was a guy that I had been friends with for many years before we hooked up, and decided it was better that we stay friends after we did. The second one, I am now married to. Point being.... unless you had a long standing friendship with him before hand, then chances are that his intentions are and always will be with a slight hope that one day you will get back together. I was with my husband in high school, then we broke up. Then we would contact each other, act like we're friends, and then end up hooking back up. This went on for 5 years before we decided to give it a fair shot, & we moved in and finally got married. I've hung out with mostly guys my whole life (I am a tom boy) and trust me when I say that your husband has a right to request that you stop speaking to him. Guys usually don't stay friends with their ex's for no reason. How many of his ex's does he stay in touch with today? How about you? Think about it. You made a commitment to your husband, and you have to take into consideration what is making him request this.
2007-03-21 07:09:28 · answer #2 · answered by TmB 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've been right where you are! It's hard to let go of a person who really "gets" you isn't it?! However the truth is men are totally different than us and your husband knows this. Respect your husband's wishes, like I did, and cut if off. You'll be surprised to see the payoff! You and your husband will most likely become closer because you will go to him instead of your ex. Of course it'll be hard, you'll miss him, you'll cry, you'll pout for a while but in the words of Harry for the movie When Harry Met Sally... "men and women can't be friends cause the sex thing ALWAYS gets in the way".
The sex "thing" is there sister whether you want to admit it or not! It's looming in the back of his mind some way, some how.
Best of luck to you!
2007-03-21 07:10:52 · answer #3 · answered by Lakin J 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is not wrong to to stay in contact with an old beau, Christmas cards, etc. How ever since your husband in objecting to it you may give far more distance to your former boyfriend. It comes down to a simple question : "is this former relationship worth risking your husband's trust?" You have already said that your husband doubts the former's intentions towards you. Continued contact will only increase his suspicions further. Then accusations will fly, you know which ones I mean ...
All the best
2007-03-21 07:07:45 · answer #4 · answered by zax_fl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are wrong. You and your HUSBAND are MARRIED. Supposedly, your HUSBAND is your best friend. You shouldn't need any personal contact that is alone with another man. Don't know what is going on with his ex-wife. But if it's not something financial, HE shouldn't be calling her just as a matter to talk. He should be talking to you. I personally couldn't deal with my wife going and having lunch with an ex. I should be enought man for her.
2007-03-21 07:01:36 · answer #5 · answered by prouddaddy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is definetly wrong of you to talk to your ex. Now, I'm not sure what the situation is with his ex-wife, but if he doesn't have any kids with her or anything then he should not be talking to her. I think that would make me more weary than an ex-girlfriend. However, he is correct when he says that it is different. My suggestion is that if he has no NEED to talk to his ex-wife, then come to an agreement that both of you will stop talking to the other person.
2007-03-21 07:00:04 · answer #6 · answered by goaliegirl87 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I use to but now don't communicate with any of my exs but not by my husbands wishes, he has no problem with it, I just didn't feel right about it and I'm not so sure I'd like him communicating with his since there are no children involved, if there were on either side that would be different.
2007-03-21 07:04:35 · answer #7 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Bella - I agree with the other answerers that it is odd that all of a sudden his attitude towards your ex suddenly changed. The only reason that he wouldn't want you to speak to your ex is that he's afraid or threatened somehow by that relationship. You should try to alleviate his fears by telling him that you are absolutely committed to your marriage and try to respect his wishes and keep contact with your ex to a minimum. I know that sucks but it's the best thing for your marriage. Don't risk your marriage just for a quick chat or cup of coffee. It's not worth it. Good luck to you!
2007-03-21 07:07:27 · answer #8 · answered by answerguru 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both of you need to stop all contact with your ex's and put that time and energy into one another. Trust issues will emerge but only if you and your husband allow it.
2007-03-21 06:59:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My wife doesn't like me to communicate with my ex-girlfriends. The belief is that after you have been in love with someone, it is impossible to be "just friends."
You're with your husband now. You each should honor one another's requests.
2007-03-21 06:58:43 · answer #10 · answered by ropman1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋