Would you TAKE YOUR WIFE BACK?

Question

She left me ten months ago. Turns out she had started an affair with a guy in the neighborhood who had just left his wife. All four of us live within 6 blocks of one another.
We have two kids, 2 and 5. She has dumped this guy (confirmed by my in-laws who were in on this all along but that is another story) and wants to start to go to marriage counseling to "put the family back together." She claims to love me and miss me.
I am so angry with her. It was bad enough that she left but she also filed for divorce using all kinds of personal husband-wife type information against me. She has dismissed the divorce action.
She also got involved with someone in the area so everyone knows about it. Wouldn't I look like a fool? One part of me thinks that it is worth it for the kids and I do love her. But the other part believes that it would be foolish. Any thoughts?

Answer 1

I was in a similar situation except that it was her with a coworker. At one point I thought that we could move and start over somewhere else. After a few months have passed since I left her, I have now realized that no matter how much I love her or where we moved to, I could never trust her again....I would always question if she was lying to me again. Therefore, I'm never taking her back as much as she begs for another chance. You gave her the only chance your wife deserved when she walked down the aisle. Without trust, you cannot have a relationship.

Answer 2

You won't know if it will work unless you try again. Forgiveness is hard but it is commanded by God so that we can also be forgiven.

I don't condone what she did but I would suggest that a hard look at the marriage before this happened would be in order. Honestly assess where the marriage was at? Was there enough couple time or did you guys forget about being a couple and just become parents and "two ships that passed" in the night? Women want to be thought of as attractive and they want to feel loved as much as a man wants to feel respect.

As for looking a fool. That is the main reason men cannot forgive a women because they feel like they have been made a fool in front of everyone. I think it has a lot to do with a man's major need to feel respected and her behavior showed disrespect and not only that, "everyone" knows about it so that makes it even more disrespectful. The truth is, the only person who made a fool out of themselves is your wife.

It takes a much stronger, bigger person to forgive and try to salvage their marriage. If it doesn't work out, what have you really lost? A few more months? And if you don't even try, can you live with the "What ifs" the rest of your life? Or is it more important to you to have your neighbors and family members not think you are a "fool"? The reality is, they will find something or someone else to talk about and judge in a very short time - the world doesn't revolve around us as much as we think. A person who judges others is a fool as it will be their turn one day and then they will see how it feels on the other side.

I guess what I'm saying is, if the only reason you don't want to try again is because you feel she made a fool of you, then please reconsider. Humility is a trait to be admired and is much harder to achieve than pride. We all have big egos.



It's your decision. I think you will find that people are split in half - some will say go, some will say to stay and work on it.

The decision is yours and no matter what - you are going to be okay!

Answer 3

Much as you would wish your family back, this wife has about destroyed in your mind what marriage is: Respect, admiration, passion and trust.... She ran off and shared the passion with someone else... and with that, the trust, respect and admiration are for sure in the toilet. And hon, you don't have a marriage, or even much with which to begin anew. There is about no way you will ever get over the image of the mother of your children being pronged by another guy....(and hon, he dumped her, she didin't dump him...trust me).... that will just never leave. You may be able to forgive, but you will never forget. And don't think that you will be able to put your family back together again...you cannot unscramble an egg. That is a ton of water under the bridge.. Betrayal is the only real deal-buster in a marriage, and for sure the "Once a cheater, always one" has gotta be in your mind. She is trying to keep you as the "jerk in reserve"---- the one that she can come back to when her other romantic interest(s)---and there will be others--- fall apart. And you need to know, that even with intensive counseling, it will be more than two years before your marriage has a chance to heal, and that assumes a total personality make-over on her part. What ever reason she had to dump you, and trot off with someone else has probably not been resolved.

You have every right to be angry. She used you, and will do it again.... it's a personality defect.

In your place, about the only way I'd consider a reconciliation is if she were in therapy 6 months before I'd even consider it. Hon, there are just tooooo many nice women out there to mess with one rather 37 1/2 degrees off center. You are probably a loving father.. you and your children deserve better....

Answer 4

NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER use the children as a reason to "patch things up". If you do decide to be back together, it has to be 100% YOU. Believe me, your kids would rather live with seperated happy parents than miserable, fighting "together" parents. Everyone knows this. It isn't a new dilemma. I think more people use it as an excuse though; they try to work it out "for the sake of the kids" so they can feel dignified in there decision, (to try and work things out) rather than feel like a foolish door mat. She should have suggested counseling BEFORE trying out other men. And to be even more heartless, she files divorce ON YOU. and slanders YOU? Is this what you want your children to be raised thinking love and loyalty is? I'm only going on what you've said she's done. In my book there is no forgiveness for such behavior. I've had some seriously rotten, abusive, lying, boyfriends, but NEVER have i ever cheated on them. Even while i was leaving them. What i mean by that is that when you love someone, leaving them doesn't happen in one day. It takes as long to leave as it takes the heart to heal. You can love her all you want. Love her in your heart while you're learning to get over her. You don't need to be treated like a f--ing door mat. If you decide to end it be sure to cover your ***. Right from the very beginning, and i mean right now, get legal advice on what to do and not to do. Something as simple as leaving the house and staying with a friend for a week can be considered abandondment. But I assume you two do not live together though, but that's just an example of what stupid legal twists there are when families break up. Sorry for your misery and good luck with life.

Answer 5

I took my wife back after a 1 week affair, I had to talk to her and confince her to come back, but now things are better than ever!
The thought of her with another man still hurts but I'm confident it will go away someday?
You have gone 10 months and I commend you on that, me, I would have died!
If you truely love this woman it should be a no brainer, if you have your doubts then do what you feel. If she does come home plan on several nights of talking and getting EVERYTHING out before the healing can begin!
Don't worry about what people think...screw them! It's between you and her!

Answer 6

Your call.
If you think, yes, then put many requirements on it.

This is not something you want to relive. There needs to be something in writing for the recurrence. Something like,
if she pulls this again she will be gone with with her clothes. Then she will give you a divorce uncontested with you having full custody and the house.
You also get a get out of affair free card. Just in case.

This would come with the promise that she never does this again or the new prenup kicks in.

Then you deal with the parents. Or better, do not deal with them. Maybe they gave you the info to get her to move out again.

As for counseling, does she think you need it?

Answer 7

Forget about how it "looks" to everybody. Who gives a crapola what "people will think". The thing you have to decide for real is, can you TRUST this woman again. If you can, then yes...it's worth a shot. If you know in your heart of heart you can't, though, then don't take her back for round two. The ball is totally in your court now, and whatever happens, she knows good and well, she screwed up. If you can find a way to make peace with this is up to you. Personally, I'd be afraid down the road she'd do it again, but once again, that's me, and this is you. You have to be true to yourself.

Answer 8

this is a deep situation but it really doesnt matter what i or anyone else say you have to follow your heart..sure it would make things easier to just take her back and finish the life you 2 have started but it isnt as easy as it sounds..taking her back means you forgive her and you want to finish building on what you started meaning you can't throw it in her face all the time and so forth...and sure everyone knows but that shouldn't affect your relationship just know that a relationship consist of 2 ppl you and her so its not what your neighbors or anyone else thinks either way it goes ppl are going to have something to say....if you think its worth it go for it but if its not then just let it be....and plz don't say or allow her to say your doing for the kids b/c if thats the only reason you will only hurt then in the long run if you need more advice just email me [e-mail]

Answer 9

Well, it's your classic case of the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. She thought he looked sexy hot and he thought she looked sexy hot. They couldn't resist each other and the next thing you know, they screwing each other's lights out. Well, he might have a long schlong and be good in bed, but there is more to life than sex...and guess what...your wife figured that one out. Sounds like the fire has been extinguished between those two and she wants to come back to good old home.

Answer 10

Well that is up to you. counseling is worth a try! even if you can not have a marriage, you will still have to deal with this person because of the children. plus, for future relationships if any it would be good to lay this to rest one way or the other!at least can say you gave it every angle! that could be important to you and the childrens future. I do not know how true it is,but they say women cheat because their emotional needs are not being met. /????????