heeeeellllppp meeee!!! what do i do? i just found illegal substances in my daughter's bedroom. how i punish?

Question

tell me what to do!

Answer 1

get it sorted quick

Answer 2

First, you need to calm down. If you attack your daughter with the evidence, you'll put her on the defensive.

Second, once you've calmed down, you need to speak with your daughter in a neutral place where NEITHER of you have an escape (no storming off and slamming of doors and whatnot). Explain to her what you found and be prepared for the accusations ("What were you doing in my bedroom?! How dare you invade my privacy?" and so on...). Have all of this in your head before you speak with your daughter.

Third, make your daughter aware of why this hurts you and ask her what you should do about it. If she says nothing, then tell her you'll call the police; drug possession is a crime. You don't want to go that far, but look at this like it's bargaining--start with the worst punishment imaginable (incarceration) and haggle down to a punishment you find acceptable. If you make your daughter a part of the decision-making process then ideally she'll be more apt to stick to the punishment and see it through without fighting you.

Above all, stick to your guns and do not settle. Don't give in to childish arguing. She is breaking the law and the rules of your house, putting herself and any other siblings she might have in danger (if they are younger and she babysits), and by hiding it in her bedroom she's making you an accessory to her crime. While calm and understanding is called for, tolerance is not. She needs to learn now what can happen.

Answer 3

i'm SO sorry. i have a friend going through the same thing, and i know it must be so scary.

i think grounding and taking away privledges is a good start, but if you can, i would try to impress upon her the dangers of using drugs. i am in recovery from addiction myself, and i can honestly say- there are no harmless drugs- not even pot.

i would also try to find out where the drugs are coming from and who she is using with, maybe even tell the other kids parents. she will certainly be enraged by you telling other parents, but understand- this does not seem like a life or death situation now, but it could turn into one.
you only get one shot to make the first impression, so i say it's better to overdo it than underdo it- as far as to how you let het know that drugs are not acceptable in your home.

you could let her see a few episodes of "intervention" on A&E. that is a pretty good show as far as showing how using drugs can cause you to lose EVERYTHING>>

you might want to post a little more info like her age, what the drug was, and if this is the first time, and if she has older siblings that might be using too.

there's this saying, the only place addiction leads to is jails, institutions, and death.


i'm so sorry that this happened- i hope it works out okay.

Answer 4

Wow, I'm sure you are going out of your mind wondering what the right or wrong thing to do in this situation, I would take it and set it out some where that she will know that you have found it...and be sure to walk into her room shortly after to address the problem....I wouldn't suggest shouting hitting or anything of that nature...I would really sit and have a one on one and listen to whats going on with her and why she is acting out in such a dangerous way.....I'm not saying don't punish b/c this needs to happen too... but I first would listen and love her, then find a reasonable punishment for this and I would be having a HUGE conversation on trust issues and the kind of people that do these sorta things and what kind of life she will have if this continues.....let her know that she can come to you with anything even such a horrible mistake will never make you stop loving her.....treat her with respect and she will respect you... good luck,,,.

Answer 5

Do not hold back; completely freak out, like she has never seen before. You have to show her how serious this is. Not just a slap on the wrist, no computer, no car, whatever, no. First scream your head off, ask her whats wrong with her, how could she be so stupid, you are so disappointed, etc, etc, etc.

The next day , tell her she has to go to therapy. (Even if you are only bluffing.) Tell her you will not sit back and do nothing and watch her self-destruct. Ask her what is going on with her that she would do something like this. Tell her it is totally unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Threaten to take her to a psychologist or psychiatrist. This sends the message clearly: Drugs are not ok. Drug use is not normal and is a big problem. And yes, make her watch the show "Intervention." It is very scary, shows how drugs completely destroy people.

Don't worry about "overreacting" it would be impossible to overreact to this; you have a responsibility as a parent to nip this in the bud NOW.
Tell her if she does it again, you WILL turn her in to the police, for her own protection.
*If she starts about you going in her room, cut her off with "SHUT UP!!!" said loudly and fast, before she even finishes her sentence. (Her privacy is hardly an issue in light of what you found!) You have to scare her.
You have to be tough about this, really tough.

Answer 6

If you were snooping in her stuff then I suggest you just suddenly decide to do a random drug test (purchase at any drug store) and approach it this way. Teens really freak out if they think you are snooping though their stuff. If she tests positive then I would take her to a counselor for some help because it is obvious that she has some issues that she needs to deal with and is using drugs to escape. She needs the support of her parents right now so I would focus more on getting her some help instead of punishment. Good luck!

Answer 7

Don't take her word for how, "it's my first time" or "I'm just holding it for a friend." Bring down the punishment to make an impact. Take her door off it's hinges so that she has no privacy except when in the bathroom. Take everything out of her room and let her earn it back piece by piece. Have her drug tested every other week.
If you make the consequences severe enough, she will think hard before she does it again.

Answer 8

get ready for a big fight its going to happen.do not let her tell you it was a friends i don't do drugs etc. remove her door and every thing in her room except the bed 7 pairs of pants shirts etc.don't say a word until she comes out yelling hold the illegal substance up and tell her she will go to therapy (kids do drugs for a reason)get her to talk to you openly. she will have random drug test she is not to go annoyware, no phone calls, etc for 6 Mon if she test positive she will go to jail don't argue just state how it will be. she will be to mad to talk with you Waite a few hours to talk and don't go wimpy. she did this not you.
it is not a game you are the parent and will not stand by why she chooses to be destructive with her life and no its not her life until she is supporting her self under her own roof that she pays for.

Answer 9

when she comes home after hanging out with her friends stare at her and dont say anything. then she'll go into her room and when she comes out ask her about the things you found in her room. if she gets mad she may start ranting about how your not alllowed to be her in room when shes not home. this is when you start raising your voice and say that you have a right to be in her home because your the one whose paying the rent and supporting the family while shes spending all of her money on illegal substances. then ground her from hanging out from her friends for at least a month. if you know who her friends are that do drugs with her, please do not contact them! if you do, they'll probably end up getting mad at your daughter and start spreading rumours and gossip about them because teenagers are evil. just ground her and leave it at that. after the grounding period is over, tell her that from time to time you will test her urine to see if theres any drugs in her systems so she better watch out. make sure she knows your serious! i hope she turns better becase illlegal substances= jail

Answer 10

Never mind punishment-were did she get them! Find out & stop her getting whatever it is!

Have a good talk with her about how dangerous this is and why she done it!

Punishing will only make her rebel...! Tell her your disapointed in her and make her promise never to do this again or u will have to call police ...

Answer 11

I agree, want to confront her until she fiqures out it is gone. Then talk to her about the dangers of drugs maybe with some lovely online photos. Then make her choose her own punishment. Good luck and God bless