I am in a relationship with a man for the last two years who is both a good influence on my kids and who has been wonderful to me..with one caveat.Even though he says he is happy with me,he really is into the idea of a polyamorous/polyfidelity relationship.I have told him from day one that even though i have no problem with this lifestyle for other people,i am not personally into it.It comes up every now and then with him,and i don't know what to say.I have two kids that i wouldn't expose to that at this point, and i know i am not emotionally responsible enough to even consider it.He says that he wants to be with me, even if i am not interested in the polyamorous life style,and yet it continues to come up.Am i deluding myself that he would not rather be with someone into it?can someone who would like that lifestyle let it go to be with one person(he's never actually been in a poly amorous relationship?should i let him go so he can pursue it?please help
2007-03-21 06:18:05 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, that must be pretty hard to hear that from your boyfriend. I think the question here is: Is he serious, or is he just trying to gauge your reaction? For example, many guys say they would love to try a threesome, but if they were actually offered the chance, they might be too scared to try it. If you think that your man is serious about wanting to be with other women, I would believe him, and tell him that this just isn't the kind of relationship you can give him. On the other hand, if he tries to supress his feelings, because he loves you, it may end up coming up again in the future, and it would be even more painful for you to deal with then. You may want to ask him if he'd consider talking to a therapist about it with you (or on his own). You could tell him that you aren't there to be judgemental, but that you want him to explore why he is having these thoughts, and whether being in a relatinship with you is something he can really do, monogamously. I wish you luck!
2007-03-21 06:27:22 · answer #1 · answered by crabbyone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is tricky. You need to ask him why he has to keep bringing it up all the time.
You already know that you're not cut out for this type of lifestyle...I'd imagine few people would be.
Talk to him some more about this, ask him why he feels he has to bring it up again and again then tell him, he is wasting his time if he thinks for one minute that you're going to change your mind....give him an ultimatum, it's either you or the polyamorous life style.
2007-03-21 06:30:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No only should you let him go, it is your responsibility as a parent to let him go. You have clearly stated that you are not interested in that lifestyle yet he continues to bring it up which says he is interested and will likely pursue it until he finds a woman who is willing to go along with him. Why continue to suffer in a relationship like this - find yourself a man who enjoys being monogomous in his relationship - you will respect him and he will you a lot more - plus it will be a much healthier environment for your kids.
2007-03-21 06:23:17 · answer #3 · answered by Dee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some great answers from the men! Cut him loose! It's never a good idea to swing. Besides... why would you want a relationship like this? If you are in a sexual relationship with him- and he is with someone else, you are opening the door to disease, and heartache. What would this example be teaching your children? Find a guy that wants only you and to settle down,
2007-03-21 06:29:26 · answer #4 · answered by Amy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is into dating he should ask the person first if that is what they like. You are two different people that like two different things. I say either he changes or you move on. You will not be happy and you do not want to expose the kids to this type of behavior.
2007-03-21 06:26:00 · answer #5 · answered by red1967 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you sister!
And I really hate to use this expression, but you need to tell him to "crap or get off the pot" - you made it clear you're not into that sort of relationship - so if he wants, leave and pursue this or respect the relationship and leave this desire in the past.
It sounds like this is something stirring within him, that's why he keeps bringing it up.
Good Luck, sister!
Aloha!!
2007-03-21 06:28:24 · answer #6 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that there is a definite end in sight for this relationship. This man sounds crazy. What would he have thought if you brought up that subject instead of him, he'd think you're a whore and he would want to end the relationship, maybe you should do the same
2007-03-21 06:27:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were single I would say, give it a shot but if you have kids, best to move on. Once a guy gets into swinging, he isn't going to stop and you shouldn't expose your kids to that kind of thing.
2007-03-21 06:23:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please, let the guy go. His sexual preference is basically different from yours and he is not prepared to let it go. He is using you as a cover to look normal and is also still hoping to continue piling pressure on you so that one day, you will give in.
From the look of things, you are too responsible to give in so, what do you do? LET THE GUY GO.
2007-03-21 06:31:33 · answer #9 · answered by comradechris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run as fast as you can! He's looking for the nod that allows him to see others without condemnation. It rubs you wrong for a very good reason, it is! Either he loves you and you alone or let it go!
2007-03-21 06:26:10 · answer #10 · answered by lady in love 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋