I became seriously ill and remained so for 4 months. My friend came to my aide and helped my 16 y.o. daughter take care of me. I couldn't walk, bathe nor fully dress myself. I awoke one day to find him at my bedside praying for me. In my absence from work he provided my child's school fees and helped her father (my exhusband of 8 yrs.) pay for her senior year prom expenses. He helped me in every way a boyfriend or husband should have including taking me to doctor and therapy appointments. My family loves him so much for what he did for me. After I healed he told me that his life would have been empty without me. We then professed our love for each other. I didn't want to become completely involved with him because he's married but things didn't end up that way. I know that he's deeply in love with me as well but I also know that his wife is hurting because of us and does not want a divorce. I want a life with him but I don't want to be the cause of her pain. What should I do?
2007-03-21 06:11:24 · 10 answers · asked by teenybaby 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"What a nice guy" He met you at your most vulnerable moment and cashed in on the opportunity but one thing I would want you to understand is that if he spends the same amount of time and money he is spending on you on his God given wife, his marriage would be very intact.
Please, since you seem to be thinking of the other woman, stop this relationship right away and pray to God to give you your own man or be reconciled to your husband. Don't be a home breaker.
2007-03-21 06:21:44 · answer #1 · answered by comradechris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a decision you need to make for yourself. You are only asking here because you want someone to tell you that this immoral and unethical action you are about to take ( and have already taken to some extent ) is alright. You want us to to give you the O.K. to do something you already know is wrong.
Your illness was a traumatic experience. It invoked emotions in everyone who cares about you. It created just the atmosphere romance requires to perform at it's convoluted best. Were he not married, I would say go for it. But he has been married for thirty eight years. His wife has been with him through thick and thin. Step away. The truth is, after all the drama of your illness fades away you will be left with the same mundane monotony that he was running from in helping you. His wife will be hurt, he will realize his mistake, and you will be left feeling guilty and dirty like the homewrecker you will have made yourself into.
Thank him for everything he has done ( which is more than you had any right allowing him to do when he had a wife at home that was entitled to all this attention he was giving you ) and then leave him alone to work out his marital problems with his wife. I have a feeling this "friendship" has had much to do with their marital strife in the first place.
Yes I am being a bit harsh. Reality can be harsh, but you need to deal with it.
The last statement you made sums up your answer. "I want a life with him but I don't want to be the cause of her pain"
So you either choose to be selfish ( which is what you will most likely do as it seems that is what you have done thus far ) or you will choose to consider another person's feelings over your own.
And to answer your question: "What should I do?"
You should leave that husband to his wife, and find a man that is free to love you!
2007-03-21 06:36:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A divorce is seldom ever wanted by both partners. Unfortunately for the wife her husband loves another women. Think of how their marriage would continue on if he stayed with her and loved another women. I think you both need to do whats best for the two of you and I'm sure that she'll feel the same later on.
2007-03-21 06:19:04 · answer #3 · answered by tarakootenay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to back off - completely! What he did for you and your daughter was very nice, but he is still married!!! You will be the cause of her pain, and someone else may be the cause of yours someday! If he gets a divorce, then and only then should you consider being with him.
2007-03-21 06:22:19 · answer #4 · answered by Kailey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ever so careful my dear... However commendable his acts , if he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you! The next sickly "friend" he takes care of may leave you feeling the hurt his wife is feeling now. Tread carefully with a man that could be so cold to his family!
2007-03-21 06:20:17 · answer #5 · answered by lady in love 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did he find time to spend time with you without the wife around?
2007-03-21 06:32:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately in this situation...I would lie...tell him u have no romantic feelings for him....just friends....allow time for him and his wife to either get back together or move away...that way it will not be your fault...should he end up in divorce...then he can be yours...but don't let the divorce be on your head...good luck
2007-03-21 06:15:42 · answer #7 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he is willing to divorce his wife, you will probably never have him. If he becomes available, I'd say you two belong together.
2007-03-21 06:28:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to stay with his wife and stay away from him, don't allow yourself to be a homewrecker.
2007-03-21 06:25:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one, that's a decision that he'll have to make
2007-03-21 06:16:30 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋