My wife is extremely jealous, even of my mother!?

Question

I've just been married not even a year. My wife is extremely jealous. She starts pouting when I talk to my mom on the phone. If I wear nice clothes to work, she accuses me of dressing nice to impress secretaries at my job, even though I have emphasized that I don't have any interest in the women at my job, that I love HER, and the women at the job are fat and ugly anyway. I don't care about the clothes I wear, it could be uniform for all I care, I just pick out the first pants and shirt from the closet. Yet, she says things like "you wear nice clothes every Monday." In response, I specifically begun wearing terrible clothes on Monday. Now she is accussing me of wearing nice clothes on Tuesdays. This is all so stupid. It seems trivial, but it is driving me crazy. I can't even have simple conversations about work because if I tell her something a secretary said, she starts pouting again. Any advice? Background, if it helps, my wife and I have no kids.

Answer 1

I suspect every other man in her life has betrayed or hurt her in some way. I'm serious. You should sit her down, and instead of getting angry or going postal on her, reaffirm to her how much you love her, but how crazy it's making you. Let her know about your trick of changing how you dress on Monday, and how that went, but GENTLY. You might suggest some counseling, and offer to go with her to find out why she feels so inferior to other women, or so insecure in what you might do. But let her know you only have eyes for her. See if you can get her to open up about WHY she doesn't trust you, and why she notices every little thing. You might be surprised at what you find out.

Answer 2

Someone needs to tell your wife (probably you) that if your marriage is going to last forever, you will have to trust each other. Why would she be jealous that you talk to your mom. She should also be happy that you care enough about your job and yourself to dress professionally. You don't want to go to work looking like a slob. When you look good, you feel good, and it will help you enjoy your job. It really is trivial and it's going to take work from both of you. If she's not willing to give it a try I don't think your marriage will last more than 10 years. If she doesn't trust you, you will either be arguing all the time or you'll give in to her and you'll be unhappy. Then you actually will be looking for someone else to make you feel better and appreciate you. It's a good thing you don't have kids yet because then she'll just use that over your head and try and tell you that you don't care about your family. Fix your marriage and then worry about the rest of your lives. Maybe give her an ultimatum. That might make her realize that you're serious about trusting each other and fixing your problems. Also maybe if she meets some of the Lady's you work with she can see what they look like and tell her if they're married themselves or have a significant other.

Answer 3

Your wife is extremely insecure. I would think that she loves you tons and feels very lucky to have someone like you and she is afraid that it won't last and you'll find someone else.

The problem is so deep seated that no matter how many times you tell her differently....she'll still feel jealous.

I think it's the jealousy that you both need to sit down and talk about. Explore each others views on this.

She wants you 100% of the time. I'm wondering what HER background is and I suspect she is fairly young.

You both need to sit down and explore all the facts and then how each of you feel. You need to find a way of understanding one another more.

Agree in this conversation somewhere that she will not accuse you of dressing to flirt etc. Talk about trust. Get her to think of the root cause of her feelings.

Also agree that you will not have to explain yourself all the time.

Use this time to tell her exactly and specifically what it is you love about her...often men find it hard to say specifics but try to write a list and she could write a list of specifically what she loves about you too. I think this will help because you are tellling her precisely all the reasons you want to be with her and should go some way to reassure her.

If she needs reassurance that you still love her give it to her but not every hour of every day.

Until your wife and you have this out in a calm reasonable way, things will just continue like this and the marriage may become fragile and full of resentment on both sides.

Best wishes

Answer 4

Your wife is feeling insecure. It could be something that you did, but more than likely it has to do with something that happened to her in the past. Which kind of sucks for you, but you love her, which means you will want to help her get through this.
My suggestion:
Don't get defensive. Let her speak her piece, let her know that you are sorry that she feels that way. Do whatever you can, when she isn't feeling this way, to let her know how you feel about her. Tell her she is beautiful, tell her all the things that you love about her (pysically, intelectually, emotionally)...it sounds like she is feeling insecure and that she doesn't feel important or needed in your life. Just try to be positive, and do sweet little things through out the day to let her know that you are thinking of her. a quick phone call (can't talk long, just wanted to let you know that i am thinking about you kind of thing) text messages also go a long way.
I think that if you are patient and understanding with her, make sure you are paying enough attention to her, this will ease her insecurities...I am willing to bet that someone (likely more than 1) has cheated on her in the past. I am assuming that you have never cheated on her, and that is great. She will get back there, just be patient, she is lucky to have you!

Answer 5

The first year of marriage I think it's the most difficult. On my first year, I was very jealous if my husband talked to other females, including his mother because he had the habit of calling her and telling her every detail of our relationship, including arguments, and meals. It was a constant battle, and at times it seemed like we weren't going to make it. I would suggest you talk to her, tell her she's your wife, and as your wife, she's priority. She might also have self-esteem issues, which I also had, if after you talk to her, she doesn't make an effort to change, suggests counseling, either for both of you or only her. It does get tiring and frustrating, but it can be worked out. Be patient, and I wish you the best. Like, I said, the first year is the toughest for any marriage, but you can work things out! (Next month is my five year anniversary, and we also didn't have children when we first got married.)

Answer 6

She sounds very insecure. Can you get her into therapy, maybe even couples therapy would help because the therapist can help her see that she is driving you away. A person can only be accused for so long before they just do it because they may as well. If I'm being accused of it all the time, I may as well be guilty of it. Or they leave. I definitely wouldn't have kids until you can resolve this with her.

Answer 7

Jealousy can definitely destroy a relationship or a marriage. She obviously has some insecurities about herself unless you have given her a reason not to trust you. Talk to her about the way this makes you feel , be honest with her, and reassure her of your love to her, compliment her often, maybe this will help your marriage, or maybe you need a professional to help you out. Marriage is through good times and bad..good luck

Answer 8

I am also extremely jealous (not as bad as her, though). I really don't think that there is anything you can do to make her feel better. She will always be suspicious of your actioins, no matter what. I think that your wife needs to get professional help or you two should should go into counseling together. It doesn't sound like there is much you can do other than that.

Answer 9

Sorry to read about your trouble. Get her the book -Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schileinder. If she refuses to read the book use one of her tricks on her -like if you love me you would read this book. I was the wife from Hell, and Im not over exagrating on that either. I fI had read this book before I wouldnt be divorced today. If things dont change between you two, divorce will be iminent.

Answer 10

i think he has as all human beings has already stated, lack of self assurance subject concerns and that may no longer something which you will make him recover from. purely he, can recover from that concern and that i'm hoping he does it quickly b/c that would become a genuine concern afterward in existence and no thank you to be performing. this is looking for hassle. My companion and that i've got a celeb intercourse checklist, purely a stupid concern that if we could get a freebie non-cheating intercourse with a celeb who would we %.. we are conscious of the probabilities of that occuring are nil yet we are the two trusting in one and different to appreciate that we've one yet another's decrease back. As you recognize on my 360, and a few emails i'm getting. My companion is trusting and that i do no longer think of something would waiver that, aside from an obtrusive cheating. As I stated above, your husband has subject concerns that he desires to handle, all you're able to do is make beneficial he has no purely reason for the alarm yet on the comparable time, do no longer lose your self in that blend b/c of his insecurities. you're human and you'd be waiting to sense and discover different adult males appropriate without a guy questioning you're approximately to eff him. in keeping with risk, an thought is to coach him the solutions to this question, i've got accomplished questions i've got asked to my companion to coach him what an fool he can look as though. in keeping with risk this is your next option. yet another concern is in keeping with risk have somebody, a relatives member refer to him...he desires a awaken call b/c this would take a toll on you.