Does anyone else feel that way after doing sexual things with their partner? Even if I'm the one who initiated, and especially if it was good, afterwards I feel very angry and I don't want to be around him. It was like that in my last relationship too.
Do you think it could have to do with my first sexual experience having been bad, where he tricked me into sleeping with him, then didn't talk to me after? Then for a few months after that I messed around with random guys (no sex), but I was looking for love, they never talked to me after. Do you think that's why I feel that way after making love or doing anything sexual? Or is it normal to feel that way?
2007-03-21 06:01:08 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Um...I'm 28 and we're married. And, it's worse when the sex was really good, so it's not that he doesn't satisfy me.
2007-03-21 06:45:54 · update #1
Yes, I do reach orgasm, it's after then that the feelings of anger and resentment are even worse.
2007-03-21 06:49:20 · update #2
I have a question for you. Do you feel that you are worthy of sexual pleasure? Do you feel that perhaps "good girls" don't like that sort of thing? There are a lot of women who have issues with sexuality based around not wanting to take responsibility for their own sexuality and pleasure. They may enjoy feeling violated in a way. Not FOR REAL necessarily, but, if the responsibility of sex isn't on them, then they don't have to risk any real vulnerable feelings in it. Usually, this issue stems from feeling violated in some way that relates to sex.
It sounds to me like you are wounded by past experiences. I'm sorry for that. I know it hurts. The thing with intimacy is, you have to be vulnerable enough to be violated in order to be open enough to receive all of the blessings and pleasures that come with it.
This is where good boundary setting and discernment come into play heavily. You have to be your own guardian in a way, not letting people in farther than they are worthy to be.
I sincerely hope that your husband is worthy.
In order to be ready to be that open and vulnerable again, you HAVE to heal your past hurts.
Therapy can help you with that.
Deep listening to your guts will help you with that the most.
Listen to that deep voice inside of you that knows what is true and what isn't. Not the one spouting fears etc all the time, the deeper one. The one that has been with you all along. Some people call this voice their higher self. Some people think of this voice as god. Either way, you KNOW what voice I'm talking about. Listen to it. Be aware of what it is telling you before, during, and after sexual encounters. Listen to its wisdom. Find healing.
It doesn't matter if it's normal to be this way or not. What matters is that it's not making YOU happy and you want more. I believe you can find it. Otherwise the desire to do so would not be in your soul.
Best wishes.
2007-03-21 08:11:13 · answer #1 · answered by siddartha360 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a friend who was like this - she believed sex would bring her love and when it didn't, she tried harder and slept with lots of guys and it really messed her up - and then she met this guy who refused to sleep with her until they had a relationship. She hated him and almost didn't go out with him, but we pushed her to "try something new" and it wasn't easy for her, but she eventually discovered "true" love! Now they are happily married.
Obviously, I don't know you - but could you be confusing love and sex?? Maybe that's why you're so angry after sex? because it's not fulfilling you emotionally?
Something to consider.
Good Luck to you, sister!
Aloha!!
2007-03-21 06:12:24 · answer #2 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It should like you are afraid of being rejected so you do it first. Let me ask you this, how would you feel if your partner reacted to you like that. Take sometime and see a counselor or work on developing intimancy with your partner. Try talking or simply holding hands and build it up from there
2007-03-21 06:06:39 · answer #3 · answered by loki239 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i felt the same way the first time and if the boy leaves you
You feel like **** and you find it hard to trust other guys again but i've learned that if you keep on pushing guys away you'll end up alone and nobody expect girls to be vergins anymore I'm not saying have sex with every other guy just look around open up be ureself the right guy will come around
2007-03-21 06:07:31 · answer #4 · answered by Janice M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Omg...it sounds like a black widow kind of thing going on.
It could be the things you spoke of here, or maybe your hormones are getting a little whacked, and instead of the hormone oxytocin giving you "feel good" feelings afterwards, it's surging and making you want to bite his head off like the female praying mantus or something. I'd get that looked into. I'd hate to see your husband on the news missing a few digits because you went off the deep end.
2007-03-21 06:05:17 · answer #5 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a guilt feeling and also associated with zero marginal satisfaction.
It's often seen amongst teenagers involved with sex but gradually wears out as they grow older and begin to see it as acceptable.
You see, the feeling of satisfaction after orgasm is responded to differently by diverse persons depending on their level of maturity and understanding.
Do not worry, it happened to me at your age but when I understood what it meant and as I began to associate with people that I truly love, that feeling was eventually subdued.
2007-03-21 06:11:05 · answer #6 · answered by comradechris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you answered your own question. I usually think therapy is a crock of ****, but in your case it may help to talk to someone about your issues with intimacy. You should never feel that way, unless you're sleeping around or something, which you aren't.
2007-03-21 06:06:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess your past traumatic experiences have embedded a subconscious anger and resentment within. It seems to me like a psychological problem. There've been cases whereby females are afraid of sexual intimacy due to past unsavoury encounters (e.g. being molested involuntarily). You might want to seek the advice of a professional psychiatrist.
2007-03-21 06:04:21 · answer #8 · answered by Marcao 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's normal at all. Try getting a therapist to work through this. It would suck if you went through the rest of your life experiencing this when you can change it with the right help. Don't let a loser from your past ruin sex for you any longer.
2007-03-21 06:06:41 · answer #9 · answered by . 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-27 19:51:24 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋