I have been married for 8 years.It was a love marriage.In retrospect, I feel that we had no reason to marry other than lust. There was hardly any love between us. We seperated 3 years after marriage for a year and then got back together to give it a shot. Had a beautiful baby boy last october. Beleive me when I say this, we are two different indiviuals with toally diffrent family background and values. I'm more easy going while he is very conservative. His only sole goal on life is to save money, mine is save money but don't forget to enjoy life. In-laws- I cant stand his mom , he cant stand mine. Home situation- we hardly go without fighting for 2 weeks in a month. Sometimes we dont talk for a month. Sex life- Zero. Have no interest whatsoever !
I'm thoroughly confused if I should still give this marriage a chance for my baby's sake or put an end to it. It's a big decision and I need to think through it. Can someone pls give me some reality check here. Pls help me with a sanity chec
2007-03-21 05:44:28 · 21 answers · asked by Superconfused 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why remain in this loveless relationship, he and you can still share the responsibilty of the child once you and him are divorced. You are obviously unhappy , so it makes no sense to continue with this relationship, your child will feel your unhappiness .
Remaining married just for the child's sake is never a good idea, cause you as well as your spouse are still unhappy and that will effect the child more than you would realize. Its best to raise the child in a happy enviroment than one that is tense and uncomfortable .
2007-03-21 05:54:44 · answer #1 · answered by Amazing_clarity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest to you that you work things out having the baby and all is a new challenge for you both and since it is only five months old it is completely normal for the mother not have any sexual interest for up to six moths or longer after child birth. So at this moment I would not be worried about your no interest in sex your going through a normal period of your body chance from becoming a mom.
One question that i do have is though is if you had these feelings of hardly any love between you and your husband
why did you go and have baby?
If you feel that there my be a chance that you cannot fix these
feelings or issues then leave the marriage and take the child with you. I'm not one to say stay just for the child life is to short to live a life of unhappiness and putting your baby through continual fighting and bickering about finances is not a good climate to be raising a child in the first place.
Look into some counselling and such to help mend issues in your marriage you may just some professional guidance to help you over this hump in your marriage.
God Bless and Best Wishes to you and your family if you wanted to be a mom then congratulations are in order.
2007-03-21 06:35:09 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have not said any thing positive about your marriage. I would suggest that you write down all the good and bad things about your marriage as well as your hopes and discuss them with your husband. If both of your agree I would seek counseling. A lot of young couple reach the stage you are at. First try to figure out what is going wrong. I dont think you have been together 8 years for nothing. See if there is anything worth saving and go from there
2007-03-21 05:51:02 · answer #3 · answered by loki239 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your description reminds me of the saying about love.. you either grow together or you grow apart.
Growing together doesn't always happen effortlessly, in fact, it takes work... but it isn't just about that... sometimes opposites can be complementary, but in this situation, if you don't have similar goals for your life and marriage, then you will always be at odds.
You have to analyze your goals, what is happening and talk about where you want to go. If you cannot talk, the lines of communication and your ability to communicate are so damaged or nonexistent, then it's probably not going to work out in the long run. Relationships are mended when you can find common ground...
My father only wanted to save money all his life, but retired early, and I think that he and my mom are just starting to really know each other in a way they never had the opportunity to do.
Think about where you want to go, what you can do, and how you can talk it out to mend what you have to. If you can't do that, then I'd say look to where you need to be and start moving that way so that you can raise a healthy, sane son.
Good luck.
2007-03-21 05:55:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to take into consideration your son's view on this as he gets older if you stay he will have a front row seat watching 2 people be miserable and that show no affection towards the other, he will think that this is normal and would ultimately grow up that way himself, being that he is so young now would be the time to bail, the longer you wait and the older he gets the more it will affect him, plus this can't be healthy for you mentally or emotionally if there is no love then there is no marriage, so to stay together just for the sake of being together is not good you only live once and everyone deserves a shot at happiness.
2007-03-21 05:57:02 · answer #5 · answered by Weapon X 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never stay in a relationship "for the kids." When your baby gets older he'll be able to tell something's wrong, and like some have said, he's better off with two divorced parents, or even two sets of happy parents, than one set of unhappy ones. Best to do it now, while he's too young to really know what's going on.
2007-03-21 06:16:56 · answer #6 · answered by misguidedrose18 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi friend
Eventhough you wrote lot about misunderstandings and unhappiness, If I were in your position I certainly will give a chance for my baby's sake. May be after a couple of years , your husband may get interested in baby and he may change . Chances are there
and one more thing. I won't say the mistake is on his part. You should also try to adjust him. Especially his family. If you abuse or did something thats not right to his family, Any man will get irritated for that. Eventhough he is not giving respect to your family, you give respect to his family. It will change his mind . This is true. Why don't you give it a try. It seems to be I am younger than you, but I still think You should give one chance.
Good luck , Hope everything will be alright...
2007-03-21 05:54:14 · answer #7 · answered by mermaid 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I suggest sitting your husband down and telling how frustrated you are. try and let him see how you feel right now. make a list of pros and cons in the amrriage and show him. see if he is willing to work on the marriage. if not then i think leaving would be your option, if he isnt willing to save it as well there is no use in staying. but, if he wants to help then there is still something there to work with and you can try and improve the relationship. it takes work from both parties and you want to be sure before you end a 8 year marriage.
2007-03-21 05:51:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to move on. You got married for the wrong reasons. I do not think either of you thought about the meaning of marriage. You had a baby out of this marriage you can still get a divorce and have him support the baby and you. It is not healthy for you and the baby to stay in this type of situation. Your first priority is to the baby you both made. good luck!!!
2007-03-21 05:52:50 · answer #9 · answered by red1967 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why give it a chance for the baby's sake? Does he need to see fighting, arguments, resentment, and more? If you're really that unhappy and the husband's really that unhappy, give it up.
Would you rather expose your son to a "traditional" family that's dysfunctional and unhappy or a split family where at least mom is happy?
2007-03-21 05:51:08 · answer #10 · answered by eallison 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋