It has been less than a year since our separation and divorce and I have custody of our son who is starting to have trouble in school. I am doing my best to help him through this. I support his relationship with his Dad, never bad mouth my ex or the other woman he now lives with. I let my ex have extra visitation whenever he asks. My ex asked me what he can do to help but what can he do? He sees him every other weekend. I feel so frustrated at times. My ex has reminded me that it was me he walked away from not our son. I hope he now realizes that this is the reality of divorce. I am basically a single parent and my ex is like a favorite uncle who takes him every other weekend. How can we parent this child given these circumstances? I do not feel comfortable calling him - I get labled an interfering ex. How do you do what is best for your kids in this situation?
2007-03-21 05:43:03 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Think of how it would be for you if he had custody and only got to see your child every other weekend? Would you want to be considered the favorite aunt? I have custody of my children and it sounds like you have a good father for your child. Like you said, that is the reality of divorce. My new husband has two boys he only gets to see every other weekend and it sucks for us because their mother makes it out as a babysitter every other weekend instead of parenting time. She calls whenever the boys have extra days off from school for us to take them only if it is a day she has to work - but we take all the time we can get so the boys will feel this is their home too.
How can your ex make you feel like you are interferring when he calls when he is the one who asked what more he can do? If you are single it is hard because your son does not have that father figure in the home and it all falls on your shoulders. I think men are better at discipline and that is why it is hard for you to play both roles. If your son is having problems at school maybe you need to speak with the school councelor to get help on setting him on the right path.. you need to find a way to reward your son for accomplishments. It was a hard road for me too when I was single but ever since I remarried my boys have learned to respect their stepfather and have done so much better in school as a result. I would try to seek help with your sons school issues because I think that would solve a lot of your problems. Good luck to you.
2007-03-21 05:59:00 · answer #1 · answered by Tink 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I've not been in that situation, but a family member of mine has. It's not easy.
But one thing you said, about being labeled as the interfering ex. Who cares? This your child and his child. You are calling to speak to the father of your child. Once your own husband!
Always think about your son first, not what the other woman will think or label you as. She is insignificant in the matter. Sounds like your ex is doing pretty good with caring for your son along with you though. Visitations are important. You don't know what's best for them in this situation. But you do your best. You do all you can, which it sounds like you are doing. Keep up the good work.
You need to talk to someone about the way you are feeling. Not just us, but a close friend or family member. And when he takes your son on the weekends and such, relax and try to get some time to yourself. Go hang out enjoy yourself!
Hope this helped ya some!
2007-03-21 05:55:35 · answer #2 · answered by ♥LadyC♥ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know exactly what you are going through. I have the same kind of situation myself but my kids dad moved to Utah. (we are in Chi)
Its a painful situation. My mother keeps telling me that the rewards for single parents are slim. At first, I thought that was kinda cold and insensitive but as time went by- I understood what she was saying. The other parent gets this 'prize role' while the parent that has the kids are seen as making the kids life diffucult.
My son started having problems in school about a month after his dad left. The very first thing I did was called the teacher and let her know what is going on. From there we put him in counciling in school. Got him a tutor. Then I called my family. Together, the school, family, my son, his father and I all worked on things together. Now im not saying it was a walk in the park. Their dad has a new g/f and if I call- im the interferring ex, if the kids call, its ok. It took alot of communicating. I called their dad when I knew she would not be around and bluntly told him- I need your help. Our son needs your help!
We are 6 mos later and my son is doing alot better in school. My son is communicating alot better from the communication it took for us to start conquering the situation.
I know its hard. I know its more painful than hard but the only way is to talk it out. Every conversation is not going to always roll perfectly but stand your grounds. Map out what you need from him. (the ex) And what YOU can do for your child through all this and dont give up!
Good luck babe. Its rough but you will make it!
2007-03-21 06:37:38 · answer #3 · answered by stayc 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Being labeled an interfering ex is when you call him to make trouble. Calling him over issues with your son in labeled a concerned and good parent. Don't worry about what people might call you when you are trying to raise your son the best way you can. Both parents need to be invovled.
2007-03-21 06:06:18 · answer #4 · answered by ckgene 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hard as it might be you and your ex need to learn to be friends for your sons sake. You need to try to spend holidays and his birthday together and do an occasional dinner (once a week, twice a month) together. If either of you have someone special in your lives they should be included also, it will help your son see there are no hard feelings and that he is loved by all of you.
It'll hard but it can be done.
Good Luck.
2007-03-21 05:51:46 · answer #5 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋