I want some input I am not the best person in the world. My wife and I finally had the big fight and now we are seperating. she just wants to seperate to see if we might get back togeather. I just want this to end and every time I say that she freaks out like she is going to hurt herself or become very depressed. I dont hate her in fact I still love her but I just dont want to be with her anymore. we have way too many differences, and different goals in life. she forced me to marry or leave at the age of 19 and I have never let that go. we started dating when we were 16 years old. please someone give me advice anything. oh I am 23 now.
2007-03-21 05:39:32 · 17 answers · asked by timothy v 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do you really want to spend the next 50 years like the last 4?
Move on early. It's easier than later.
2007-03-21 05:43:39 · answer #1 · answered by wizjp 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Listen from what you wrote you guys don't need to seperate to see if you'd get back together but for your wife to get it together. She needs to realize she cannot control wheter or not you want to be with her and threats of hurting herself will keep people around only because they don't want to see you hurt. But in the end they will leave if they want to. Concentrate on first trying to save your marriage as most people would rather trash it then work on it. Getting married young is not bad if you got married for the right reasons if you were unsure at all you shouldn't have gone through with it. It's your life and wheter or not she can accept that, do you. You don't get a second chance at life, make it the best it can be, people get hurt and they get over it. My advice is to let your wife know that if it doesn't work out the sun will not stop coming up. She is her own person and you both had come together because you wanted to so if you seperate it's because you wanted to, if you want, offer to still be friends. There is no reason to act like they don't exist or be horrible to them. Obviously relationships are built on friendships, I wish you the best of luck as this is a touchy subject but remember though there was pressure to get married ultimatley you had to say yes so there must be a reason.
2007-03-21 08:47:17 · answer #2 · answered by sesa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you married very young. Have you and your spouse tried conseling? It could help you both put your relationship into perspective. It also sounds like there could be some resentment on your part. You should feel pleasure in the choice to commit your life to someone. Not pressure" to marry or else ". That is just some one who likes the way " I am married . " sounds. Not the reality of married life. The give, and take. The adjustment period. This is the reality of married life , and believe me it's like a bed of roses. It's beautiful, but there are thorns. It sounds like you were sweethearts that grew apart. Now is the time to take that next mature step and know that you have to let go. Let the other person grow. It may make your relationship better if you agree to go to counseling, and just be friends. Until both of you know what you need to make things work out. Also self work is important. You then have an idea of where you want to go. I wish you both luck.
2007-03-21 06:07:32 · answer #3 · answered by ladieincali 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
needy, insecure, low self esteem..... which do you have and which does she have? i'll let you figure it out. You were both too young to get married to start with, so dont hate her for it, cuz you choose to get married too. you are both to blame on that one. as people age and get older, they change. i am not the person i was 5 years ago and neither are you and your wife. mabey what you need is a seperation for a few months and see what happens. if you feel like you still want out, then its time to say it and make it happen no matter how she may react. if your worried that shes gonna do something to herself, then you need to get someone else involved like the police or her family. hopefully you dont have any kids with her cuz that would make a divorce even more complicated. when you find that you spend more time fighting than talking, its time to seek counseling but it seems you just want the relationship to end even tho you still love her. there is more to the story that you havent said. good luck.
2007-03-21 05:50:50 · answer #4 · answered by mcfly_lives 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
19 is way to young to decide that you want to be with the same person for the rest of your life. You should be out with your friends having fun and working towards your goals in life. Don't let anyone ever stop you from achieving what you want out of life. If you feel she is holding you back and you are no longer compatible then move on. You can't stay with her out of pitty because she might kill herself or become depressed. If she hurts herself it is because she is unstable and she needs help. Get her the help she needs am start over.
2007-03-21 05:49:48 · answer #5 · answered by L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh, I'm sorry. I think it's probably time to just let go. You guys are still young, you aren't happy, there's no point in staying together. Yes, you're married, but it sounds like you did it for the wrong reasons. No one should be forced to get married even if they love the person. You guys were so young, who knows, maybe after living apart, figuring out who you are without each other, you may end up together in the end.
2007-03-21 05:45:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't fall for your wife's freaking out. She's just doing this to keep you. Think of yourself. If you feel a divorce is the best thing, then contact a divorce attorney and file. You sound like you've grown apart and you've realized it's time you parted ways. It's the price couples pay when they marry young. I wish you luck in your future.
2007-03-21 05:46:46 · answer #7 · answered by 2Beagles 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
See what happens when you get married too young? Your wife is dealing with this with the mind of a 16 year old since neither of you have the life experience to deal with your problmes like adults. I suggest marriage counciling if you both really do love each other. Otherwise I hope you don't have any children that will suffer as a result of your inability to behave like responsible adults.
2007-03-21 05:47:34 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A marriage needs two people to work. If one (you) has given up, there is no way it is going to work. You are just dragging out the end that is going to come eventually. My advise would be to be honest and just tell her it's over. It sounds like she is very good at emotional blackmail. She used it to get you to marry her, and now she is using it to try to get you to stay. Stop falling for it.
2007-03-21 05:50:53 · answer #9 · answered by Debbie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope you realize that noone can force you into doing anything... You LET her rule your life, so its your own fault. As for the divorce. Dont file just yet.... you really might miss her when she isnt around all the time.
2007-03-21 05:43:44 · answer #10 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋