Why do couples feel that SEX is the biggest issue in their life.?

Question

My wife was terminally ill for ten years of our marriage and it was never a big part of our relationship, and since her death nine years ago, Sex is still not much on my mind purely out of respect for the act itself.

Answer 1

I actually understand what you are saying. Marriage is greater and stronger than the act of sex and that your connection with your wife is so deep that you don't need the physical part of it.

There are so many things that make up a good marriage. We all need to remember that.

Answer 2

It is most definitely not the BIGGEST issue (or at least it shouldn't be) but for a couple who's relationship is going smoothly & they are not facing any hardships, lack of sex can give mixed signals.

Intimacy is important in a relationship. Your situation is obviously not the norm for every couple out there. There was a reason why sex wasn't a big part of your relationship.

People always say "sex isn't important in a relationship" but it IS. If it wasn't important then it wouldn't be a reason for divorce. It is important to feel loved & sex brings people closer in a relationship. It is a part of most relationships whether it was important to you or not.

Certainly nobody is the same.... you were able to go your marriage without sex because of the circumstances. You stayed with your wife through her hardship & that brought you together. Not everyone would be able to deal with the lack of a physical relationship like that.

I commend you for putting so much respect for the act of sex, but just because you have a lot of sex or feel it is important... that doesn't mean you respect it any less.

Answer 3

First of all, I commend you for loving and respecting your wife to such a great degree. There should be more men out there like you.

Secondly, sex isn't the most important issue. However, if there are other issues in the marriage, sex is one of the first aspects of the relationship to suffer. That is why, if their sex life isn't great, people start to worry aout their relationships.

You sound very intelligent and in touch with your emotions. Make sure that you aren't abstaining from sex because you somehow think that having it would be betraying your wife. She would want you to be happy and fulfilled in every way. I'm not encouring you to go out and get some every night, but if the situation comes up, and it does come to your mind, don't feel like you would be betraying your wife by doing it. I don't know if you've every seen the movied "Raising Helen" but there's a quote in it that applies. "The only thing sadder than her not being here, is those that she loved not doing the things that they love because of it".

I hope this helps. It sounds like you're struggling about this a lot.

Answer 4

I agree completely when it comes to sickness in a marriage, but many people don't experience that until later in age and wouldn't understand until it does happen. Intimacy is of great value in most marriages nowadays because of the lives we are leading. It seems it is the only time that many couples find that is a private moment without kids, a job, and a cell phone disturbing the alone time of a husband and wife. I have been where you were and it does give you a different outlook on what's important in marriage. Let's hope that more people won't find out the same way as we did and find the other pleasures of marriage just as important as the intimacy.

Answer 5

Sex is an act of love. So for a lot of people having sex is a way to fill a void in their life, and for these people sex is a big issue and is often misunderstood. In cases such as yours sex isn't a big deal because your life isn't laking anything. Sure sex is nice and great but it isn't everything. A open communication is the most important thing and if you have that then sex is so much better and not having sex isn't a big issue

Answer 6

First it takes a lot to stand by and be supportive of someone going through that. Just the fact you did it speaks volumes for you. Never really thought sex was that big of an issue but never have gone through what you had to.

I think money is the biggest problem most couples face, course not that big an issue. Be patient you might find someone who will change your mind.

Answer 7

It's not the most important thing but to some people it is. A happy wife makes a happy home i always say and if she craves that kind of affection and she doesn't get it yeah it's going to cause problems but if you too are happy with just being around each other and not needed to make love or have sex then that is good for the both of you.. I'm sorry to hear that she passed away ! !

Answer 8

What sort of couples do you know??? I can assure you that not everyone thinks that way, however a healthy sex life is NORMAL, I am sorry that your wife being ill did not allow you the opportunity to discover that, it's all part of communication, and sharing your love and feelings, what is wrong with that? Isn't that what marriage is all about?

Answer 9

I think, like any issue, sex only becomes a "big" issue when the two people can't agree on it. Kinda like religion - it's not a big deal when both spouses share the same beliefs, but it may become a huge deal if their beliefs are incompatible. If sex wasn't on your mind much, then it was easy for you to "go without" - you probably hardly even noticed. But if you were the kind of person who craved it all the time, it would have created problems if your wife was unable to provide you with it - believe me.

Answer 10

I dont feel like it is the biggest issue in life, like you if my wife were sick and unable, I would cope with that and stay because I love her. That being said, sex is a very important part of a good relationship, we talk often about how important it is to keep our sex life alive because neither of us want to settle for anything less than a great relationship with each other.