I recently found out (by checking his email, yes I know it's my own fault) that my boyfriend told his ex girlfriend that he "feels differently about me than he does about her." Not how he "did" feel about her. Does feel. He also wants her to visit him soon. He told her he had sexual dreams about her. When I confronted him, it was all apologies and "I didn't know what I was doing, it was stupid and wrong". And he says, "you're taking it the wrong way". Also, he is Christian, I'm not. Suddenly this has become an issue. We talked about it before and he said he had no problem with it. Now he's worried that it will cause problems for us in raising our child to the point where he is miserable and refuses to talk to me about it because I "won't understand". Instead he talks to his family. I only found out because he mother said something about it. I'm so confused. Is this something I should forgive for the sake of our baby? How can I go about it, it almost disgusts me to look at him..
2007-03-21 05:24:30 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I'm going to take the unpopular route here, but please hear me out. (That's what we are all here for, right?)
Don't kick him to the curb. If he meant so much to you before and you guys created a life together, he clearly means something to you. All good things are worth working on.
I can say from experience (and 4 days before my divorce my set to be finalized)... if you really want to make it work, it's possible. (We ended up not divorcing and went on to have a very big family.)
Sometimes there are little issues that we get hung up on and cannot let go. You have every right to be disgusted with him right now. Ask him, "Do you love me?"
Ask yourself- "Do I love him?"
If you both answer yes, then your relationship deserves a fighting chance at survival. Do it for yourselves first and foremost, not just for your child. If you do it "just for the child"- you may both harbor feelings of resentment. Not good.
Take the time, right now- to remember what made you both fall in love to begin with. Try to look at him the way you once did before... ask him to do the same. Try to rekindle the relationship a bit. It's extremely common for things to fizzle out- and- especially during pregnancy, when you are virtually a "different person" then you were before, things can change.
It's important to not let this happen.
As for the differences in opinion on religion....
If it wasn't an issue before, it shouldn't be now. If it's being created into a huge deal RIGHT THIS MOMENT, it's probably just a scapegoat for the real underlying issue.
I have always been a hardcore Christian- and my husband, has always had an extremely laid back, and at times, almost nonexistant approach to religion.
I wish you the best of luck, I really do. It's easy for some people to sit here on the computer and spout out lame answers thinking nothing of it. I mean everything I've said from the bottom of my heart. It's not always about doing the easy thing, it's about doing the right thing.
Follow your heart- try to heal, and make sure he knows how important your feelings are. You must validate each others feelings, even if you can't understand them.
(((hugs)))
2007-03-21 05:56:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No it's not forgiveable if he's cheating, if he wants to get back with someone then that is forgiveable becuase it's just feelings. He's not happy therefor he's seeking outside attention. He should be able to talk to you about anything, if he feels put off then maybe you are not approachable. Maybe he's being to strong about religion. It's a touch subject. My husband is Christian and I'm not, we're pregnant and things are still the same as they were before becuase we were sure to discuss the religious aspect of our lives. We spoke in depth and about everything and welcomed eachothers feeling w/o force. The relationship is stressed and w/ the pregnancy, even more so. Work on the relationship, the baby won't fix it, just create a distractor. Get things straight and good luck :-)
2007-03-21 13:25:33 · answer #2 · answered by throughthebackyards 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should find it in your heart to forgive him, not only for your baby but for you. also need to try to create as peaceful as you can atmosphere for the baby, they know when you are stressed. If he is talking to his mother then that is good at least he is talking to someone and not a guy friend that doesn't have a clue. My husband left me when I was also 8 weeks pregnant, was having affairs with women on line, he too is a christian. I kept him involved in all that was going on with the baby, we still talked a bit and when the baby came, he moved back home, he is the best father in the world, and now our marriage is the best it has ever been. This with a lot of praying and counseling. God has done miracles in my relationship and my baby is full of joy all the time. Forgive him, and even though he is Christian he is still human and is going to get tempted. If I can be of any help to you, you may email me ama_assefuah@yahoo.com. Good luck and God bless.
I need to add that once a cheater is not always a cheater, men can change. If he is a Christian he needs to start acting like one.
2007-03-21 12:39:03 · answer #3 · answered by Ama A 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know it is hard honey but once a cheater always a cheater. You don't want the child to see his/her dad walk out on you after 2 or 3 years or maybe even 10. Just because he was too immature to commit. Listen I am gonna say this dont take offense, if it disgusts you to see him now it will be worse later . i know i have been there you will literally throw up at the very sight of him. you can do better honey there are plenty of men out there that can treat you right. not like some little puppet on a string, cut the string now and never please, never make your self miserable for the "sake of the baby", the baby will later say to you WHY did you make me go through that. be happy at ALL costs. Take care of you and your baby screw him, if he is acting that way he doesnt deserve you or your baby.. Good luck I hope i helped.
2007-03-21 12:37:05 · answer #4 · answered by brandi k 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In my opinion, this guy is no good for you. By saying you took it wrong, he is trying to remove the blame from himself and put it on you. He is not all that faithful of a Christian if he is having premarital sex with you and his ex girlfriend (at the same time perhaps?). So I am guessing the religion thing is just a way out.
The best thing you can do for the sake of the baby is to find someone who treats you great and wouldn't dream of cheating on you. It's never ok to stay with someone you don't want to be with just for the sake of the child. It's not fair to you, him, or the baby.
Good luck hun, I hope you get things figured out.
2007-03-21 12:36:31 · answer #5 · answered by Niki from Indiana 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow! That is all up to you, but I would keep a close eye on him if I were you. He needs to be honest with you instead of being so vague. His mind seems to be somewhere else and for a Christian he doesn't sound like a very good one. You should only forgive him if you think it is the right thing to do. I know if it were me I would have a lot of mix feelings. Just remember to keep a close eye on him and if he slips up let him know how he makes you feel when does something to hurt you.
2007-03-21 12:35:04 · answer #6 · answered by Jenny lynn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honey, my now fiance was talking to his ex wife (via e-mail)and tried to get back together with her (going as far as buying her a 200 dollar plane ticket) when i was 4 months pregnant. (I found out by checking his messenger) We had a lot of rough times and i know it feels unforgiveable but if you can work it out try your hardest. I felt so betrayed and unloved, i mean how could someone do that to another person? We split for about a month and a half and then he realized that when it came down to the woman he divorced for a reason or the child he was giving up for no good reason, he came back and he's still apologizing for it to this day. Men aren't the brightest, but give him a REAL chance to explain his side and if your still not satisfied, THEN make the decision to leave.
2007-03-21 12:37:12 · answer #7 · answered by Ashley 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well hun, in this case you have to think about what's best of the baby. Are you going to be happy with this guy. Also since you aren't married to him, it slightly makes the situation a little easier since you're not "stuck" with him. If you two love each other you should try to work it out. If there is no spark left or if you still can't stand the sight of him, try to spend time away from each other to clear each of your heads. Maybe once he realizes he royally screwed up and starts to miss you and his child, he'll think twice about having feelings for another woman. Pregnant women are just as sexy as non-women. This coming from a woman 37 weeks and 3 days along.
Hope all works out for you hun.
2007-03-21 12:33:05 · answer #8 · answered by djbizmonkey34 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your boyfriend is a Christian, then why isn't he your husband? If he truly loves you, then he would be your husband. As for the other, he needs to leave her alone and concentrate on you and the baby. Get marry as soon as possible. The marriage may or may not work out. However, your child will be legitimate and that is the main thing.
2007-03-21 12:39:01 · answer #9 · answered by curious George 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok honey let me tell you something. If he is cheating on you now he will continue to cheat on you. And if your unhappy your child is going to be unhappy. Don't do that to yourself or your child. You and your boyfriend may be better people and better parents when your not together. He can still be a part of your child's life and you can find someone who will be completely faithful and make both you and your child happy.
As for the religion thing you should give your child the means to decide for himself what he wants. Either you or your boyfriend can take the baby to church with you and then when he gets older let him deside for himself what he wants. And if you have an alternitive religion you can share that with him too.
Good Luck and Many Blessings
2007-03-21 13:05:24 · answer #10 · answered by whitewinepearl 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋