Since I have approved of my wife getting it on the side because of my medical condition, she now is asking for more. Now she wants to bring him on vacation with us. Should I put my foot down now? I think so because I only approved of her getting it on the side occasionally. It seems to me that I gave her an inch and now she is trying to take a mile.
2007-03-21 05:12:42 · 53 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
TO THOSE THAT DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I AM IMPOTENT DUE TO A HEALTH CONDITION. I LET MY WIFE HAVE SEX ON THE SIDE ON OCCASION.
2007-03-21 05:18:30 · update #1
Pandora, I am guessing you are honest woman. Many women probably would take a lover on the side if given the green light but would never admit it. Thanks for being honest.
2007-03-21 06:52:19 · update #2
Say no! You may have different expectations from a vacation from your wife that doesn't involve sex, like having a good time enjoying the attractions and everything. Her lover can wait. She's not going anywhere.
2007-03-21 05:17:31 · answer #1 · answered by Chris 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you just use a strap on?
So, you wanted your relationship to be more of a swinging type situation, and she's turning it into a more poly-amorous type situation.
There is a book I recommend you read it's called: The Ethical S l u t: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt
I know, the title can sound a bit offensive, but it’s a good book. It helps people to define their boundaries in a more clear, mindful, detailed way whether those boundaries are monogamous or not. It deals a lot with relationships that have more than two people involved in them. It's in those relationships where the lines can get really fuzzy.
In a situation like this, you can’t go with “the norm” for guidance here. This situation exists outside that “norm”. There is nothing wrong with that unless it’s not fulfilling the people involved in every way that they are seeking for it to be fulfilling. I’m not talking specifically about sex when I say that, I mean on all levels. I really think the book above can help you clarify what you are seeking and ways to go about getting it that are honest and agreed upon by all parties involved.
No one can tell you how to manage your own relationship. That's personal to you and those you are involved with.
I hope this helps.
2007-03-21 08:29:42 · answer #2 · answered by siddartha360 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one. She wanted sex on the side, but she obviously has feelings for this guy now.
I would say that you should talk to her about why she wants the guy there. Tell her that you think of vacation as a time for the two of you to spend together.
Remind her that the sex was supposed to be on the side. Ask her if she is growing away from you. These might be nerve racking questions, but once you opened that door you set yourself up for disaster unfortunately.
There are other ways to satisfy your spouse. You could get a strap-on or use another method rather than sending her to another man's bed.
Take care,
Troy
2007-03-21 06:08:41 · answer #3 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand you having a medical problem but you should have never allowed this to happen in the first place. Your wife is suppose to honor you no matter what and if sex is so important to her then maybe the marriage is over already. It would be a horrible idea to let the man sleeping with your wife join you two on vacation. I would advise you two to seek some counseling because I think your problems are just beginning. Good luck to you and I hope you get well soon.
Maybe you aren't understanding what we are saying. Regardless of your "illness" its still wrong to let your wife have sex with another man while you two are still married. You can still preform things on her if you understand what I'm saying. Its YOUR illness, the only person missing out is you not her. Have oral sex with your wife and use toys!!!!!!! NOT ANOTHER MANS PENIS!!!!
2007-03-21 05:19:23 · answer #4 · answered by CeeCee19 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well Smiley, I think that since you cant perform for her, you should let her go hog wild! I personally would suggest you are present in the room during the act to ensure that there is no mental bonding on her part. Dont want any romance spurting off of this. Maybe you could take pictures, just like on a regular vacation (that would also make you a participant!). She could scrapbook them when you get home. Great memories! Free love went out with the sixties...what a shame! And who are we to say that women cant have more than one man...we all know one man cant satisfy a woman fully...whether sexually or otherwise! Women are forced to accept comprimise. People just get mad because your wife doesnt have to do that. If mormon men can do it, why shouldnt she?
2007-03-21 05:40:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Ok, I remember your last question, and I know what you're talking about. You agreed to allow her to "play" on the side, not to have a relationship or a "lover". Yes, you should put your foot down, you would be left out on your vacation, it would be more about her and her boyfriend. You need to go over the rules very carefully with her, tell her what's allowed and what's not and that if she can't follow those guidelines you will either reverse your offer of her playing on the side or you will divorce her. She is taking advantage of your kindness and generosity.
2007-03-21 05:39:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
There were alternatives to satisfying her without calling in a pinch hitter. Your wife and the pinch hitter now share an emotional intimacy that goes way past the physical release of sex. People are like that. I would let her know that you would like to spend this vacation recapturing the intimacy that you once shared. You can satisfy her physically be creative. This could be the start of something more satisfying for her than a lover on the side.
2007-03-21 05:31:41 · answer #7 · answered by newyorktilson 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are unable to please your wife because of a medical condition, but still love her enough to allow her to have a lover, she should respect you enough to keep the lover there only for her sexual satisfaction.
If she falls in love with this person, that has violated the agreement that you have with her and she is crossing the line. If she is wanting to bring him on vacation with her, she is probably developing feelings for him.
Allowing your wife to take on a lover for whatever reason is a slippery slope as you have realized by now. This is a situation that needs to be dealt with quickly. Do not allow her to bring him on vacation with you. Vacations are for families. She should pretend that you don't even know about her lover and never mention it to you. That is disrespectful.
2007-03-21 05:22:15 · answer #8 · answered by Been here before 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Please understand me because it's just my opinion. You have created a situation that you no longer have control over anymore. Why would you do that? Condition or not that is your wife and if she doesn't love you enough to work through this situation with you then what good is the marriage. In sickness and in health, remember? There are other ways around making love if you are creative enough. You need to regain your wife back if she's worth fighting for and never lose your manhood over a condition, the show must go on.
2007-03-21 05:26:32 · answer #9 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's quite insensitve of her, and very understanding of you. Perhaps you could kindly suggest that she spends this vacation totally with you, after all it's probably only one or two weeks out of her life and she surely can live without her lover for that long?? Spending some quality time with you would strengthen the marriage bonds more than they already are.
2007-03-21 06:03:11 · answer #10 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋