My fiancee of 3 years (we have a 2 yr old too) was cheating on me the past few months. He swears that it didn't mean anything and was pretty much peer-pressured into talking with this girl (a "friend" of his was giving him money to talk to the girl and make her happy, even though he knew Sam* was with me). Anyway, he swears it's over. Swears it meant nothing and that when he went to have sex with her, he pushed her away and left. I found out he was with her through emails. She seemed to really be into him and he was in a band getting the "groupie" attention I guess I wasn't giving him at home.
He says it's been over for awhile but she was still sending him Valentine's day cards telling him how much she loved him and many more valentine's to come". I'd like to think that she is just in a school girl crush type of mind.
He HAS quit the band and EVERYTHING I have asked him to do, he has done. Do I ask him to send her an email for my sake to know it is truly over?
2007-03-21 05:03:26 · 26 answers · asked by PNJ T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also, we have only been engaged for 3 years because we don't have the money right now for a wedding. No other reason.
2007-03-21 05:52:35 · update #1
you really don't know unless you choose to go around following him. YOu just have to trust him that he's being honest. If he still is cheating then he doesn't deserve you. Good LUck.
2007-03-21 05:06:56 · answer #1 · answered by chedderapples 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No matter what he said or says, cheating never ends. Since he cheated and got away with it, he will cheat again. You should break off the engagement and go find a guy who respects you.
A relationship is based upon two people who are best friends and have total trust. He has destroyed the trust and broken your friendship and he will do it again.
You would be smarter to get out before getting married. Not to mention that being engaged for three years is far too long. He has not been able to truly commit or you would already be married.
His excuses for being with that other woman are also quite lame. A friend was paying him? What friend would spend their money that way? That is something from the movies. Real people do not pay others to spend time with women.
Take care,
Troy
2007-03-21 12:15:09 · answer #2 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's just me, but a person's actions (whatever they are) speak VOLUMES louder than what the words coming out of their mouth are. A person can tell you whatever you want to hear or whatever they think you need to hear. Actions show you their intentions. Of all my friends, clear back to high school, the ones that have been cheated on....it's never been a one time thing. Even the ones who forgave and tried to get on with life, it always, yes always happened again. Sometimes it took 10-15 years for it to happen again, and by that time there are usually 2 or 3 kids involved and the whole divorce situation becomes 100 times harder than if they had left the first time. I am definately not trying to suggest what you should do, I am just trying to share my own experiences with my own friends. It doesn't mean I am right for your situation.
2007-03-21 12:14:20 · answer #3 · answered by momof1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way you know it is over is to begin to trust him. If you are looking for signs it is not over for you. On the other hand you two seem to have some other issues. You have been engaged for three years and have a child. Why? Are there other issues that have not been addressed that are making you not take that next step? Next the question is not whether the girl meant anything to him but the lack of respect and honesty he has for his relationship with you.
2007-03-21 12:44:24 · answer #4 · answered by loki239 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think that if it was truly over he would be willing to call her, in front of you with out telling her that you were listening, and explain the situation about it being over and not talking to her again. As far as him quitting the band, will he resent you in the long run? Perhaps you can find a middle ground where you can be with him until you trust him again. But then again you need to realize that if he did it once to you and you forgave him he may see that as a free pass that he will use again and again.
2007-03-21 12:09:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont really have any advice for you, im sorry. But I sympathise with you.Im in the same boat and I know exactally what you're going through, although I have a few more complications in my situation.I know how hard it is to regain trust after somthing like that.All i can say is that he has done everything you asked of him and thats a good sign.Just keep your witts about you and know what you know.
Good luck.xx
2007-03-21 12:28:51 · answer #6 · answered by Freckles2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you marry this man, you will be making the biggest mistake of your life. Once you stand before God and pledged your love, that's it. Why go through with something that will probably end in divorce anyway. Don't do it girl. They can say it's over with until they start to believe it but it won't happen. He will do it again. If your married and it happens, the pain will be much worse.
2007-03-21 12:11:36 · answer #7 · answered by Italionaire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater, always a cheater....even if thats not true then this will always be on the back of your mind. Everytime yall have sex now you might wonder, well...am i as good as the other chick was? You deserve someone who would never, NO MATTER THE PEER PRESSURE, cheat on you. Wonder if next month someone else peer pressures him??
2007-03-21 12:07:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if he is doing everything you told him to do, then it really does sound like he is serious about how he feels about you and that he did mess up. unless he wasn't really interested in the band, quitting a band to make things right sounds like a big thing. you should ask him to send an email and let her know he isn't interested in her anymore, and is commited to you and his baby, that his family is what he wants, not her. at least thats what i would do. i do notice women do fall in love too easily, so her saying i love you may be one of those women.
2007-03-21 12:11:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never will really know. The relationship is poisoned, even if he isn't cheating...the question will always be...IS HE? Perhaps counseling might help. Personally, I would not marry him...just because I would always question this. It would be miserable for you and for him.
As for sending an e-mail...it doesn't matter. She would say what he wants her to say.
The issue here is trust.
2007-03-21 12:09:09 · answer #10 · answered by BrokenOpalAngel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you'll never know for sure it's acutally over. I can't believe you're going to marry this guy! once someone cheats-that's it-it only gets easier to cheat after that. you know the saying, once a cheater, always a cheater. you're a fool if you've actually bought this guys lame excuses. never mind the STD's he's possibly exposed you too!
2007-03-21 12:12:55 · answer #11 · answered by april b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋