I am married to a wonderful honest man and yet I am still dealing with issues from my youth and past relationships. Does anyone have suggestions that work to deal with overcoming insecurities. I love him and have read the Dr.Laura book and am trying to do as many of her suggestions as possible but I still have that underlying fear of him leaving. I guess I have seen so many couples break up as well as the break up of my own I just don't want that to happen to us. I can see us at 80 years old and sitting together and looking back on our lives together but I lack the comfort of knowing the "now" is okay. Some suggestions of things I can actively do to work on my own self esteem would be great. Physically I am happy with my self and I am an honest and caring person but how do you look in the mirror and just accept and like what you see?
2007-03-21 04:58:24 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are no gaurantees. None. You won't get one no matter where you turn. All you can do is stay in the present and when you start with the "what ifs" change the direction of your thoughts to the PRESENT. i.e., my husband and I had a great breakfast together and are looking forward to supper time." The past can't be changed, the future can not be predicted, so remain the PRESENT. TODAY. Or, continue to drive yourself crazy with all your what ifs and your desire for a guarantee that you will never get. Perhaps counseling will help you learn techniques to redirect your thoughts. I think a great one is standing in front of a mirror and saying "I love you. You are a beautiful person inside and out and deserve the best life has to offer. You have a great marriage and a husband that loves you very much. Today is wonderful. You are very talented with ___ fill in the blank. You will begin to believe what you say - we believe what we say to ourselves, rather outloud or silently, more than we believe others. So - daily - in front of the mirror - out loud - tell yourself you love you and compliment yourself - smile while saying it.
And in the event you are a christian then know that God loves you and you can overcome your problem with the bible and I would suggest a wonderful book called "Battlefield of the Mind" written by Joyce Meyer - because you are in a battle with your mind and your mind only. I think God is the answer to your fears and is the only one that can take those fears away.
You can do it. Use your mind for yourself instead of against yourself.
2007-03-21 09:01:16 · answer #1 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to make sure that you are not depending on him for your self worth. That way, the fear of him leaving won't be so strong. If you know you can survive without him (and no matter how much you love him, you CAN survive without him) then you have no need to fear it.
Develope friendships and interests that are yours and yours alone. Having a life outside of the relationship will increase your self worth. It will also make him appreciate the time he has with you, and be more affectionate, thus, calming your fears.
Stay involved in each other's lives. Talk to him about what you do by yourself, or with your friends. Ask him about what he does. This will help to keep you from growing apart despite your separate interests. Another way to do this is to set aside one day/night a week where you do something together.
Finally, don't be a clingy, nagging, whining blob, but make sure that he is aware of your fears. Just knowing that you're afraid of it could encourage him to make more of an effort in reassuring you that he's not going anywhere.
Remember that he maried you because he loves you. If he didn't, he wouldn't have married you. I know it seems like common sense, but if you remind yourself of it everyday, the doubts may disappear.
2007-03-21 05:28:13 · answer #2 · answered by Been here before 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you want to go to counselling and rehash all the problems that make you feel insecure in the first place? Honestly, that doesn't make any sense to me, and why I eventually gave up going to the counsellor. Instead, I took up a hobby that consumed all my "thinking" time where I belittled myself in my mind. I started planning a month-long backpacking trip, which took a lot of planning time and money. I carried it out, and it was wonderful. I'm not saying you need a backpacking trip, but find something to be interested in that will consume all your free thoughts and time. It sounds like you know the right things to do - I absolutely love Dr. Laura - but you just need something positive to dwell on about yourself and something to boost your confidence. You must love the thing you choose to do so it gives you something interesting to talk about. Good luck! You sound like a great person.
2007-03-21 05:06:34 · answer #3 · answered by Angie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What about... if you are doing this in order to not fully participate in the relationship. Sometimes when people are passive, or unfailingly insecure, it's a subconscious effort to not fully participate in the relationship. Sound crazy? Think about it and see if you fit the bill. Nothing is harder or scarier than giving 100% in a relationship when you've been burned. Either check in or check out of this marriage, your husband deserves it.
2007-03-21 05:04:19 · answer #4 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reading a book by someone who doesn't know you may not help you. You have to get some strength and guts and tell yourself that you refuse to live in fear and in the past. You need to really resolve this before it puts a damper on your marriage. Find that inner strength that you and all women have, I dare you to challenge yourself.
2007-03-21 05:12:46 · answer #5 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think of the assumption is which you talk issues by using. Somethng maximum folk do not do, after we've genuine issues. Lambs to the slaughter - nosey neighbours - that's slightly stable, isn't it? in my opinion, i do unlike counselling, it did not artwork for me. yet on the comparable time, i will see it as having fee once you may definitely positioned into words and manage your concepts.
2016-12-19 10:43:42 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I would definately go to counseling. I know many people that have been "saved" so to speak through counseling, including my husband.
Things to bolster your own self-esteem- be more pro-active about it! Start working out, get a new haircut, buy yourself new clothes. Transform yourself. It works wonders.
Best of luck to you.
2007-03-21 05:06:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
counsiling wont hurt at all you can first try to get in touch with me maybe i can help you out get u back on da right track i can be reached charles_collins72@yahoo.com
2007-03-21 05:37:34 · answer #8 · answered by charles_collins72 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋