I've been married for 7 years, we have a 4 year old boy and a 6 month old girl. 2 1/2 years ago we seperated because "she needed some time to figure out what she wanted." While we were seperated she slept with another man several times. We got back together before I knew about the affair. After a few months back together she told me about the affair. I forgave her and we moved on. We had another baby and things were going great. She quit her job to be a stay at home mom. The past few months she's been acting strange and yesterday I found her cell phone records with a large number of calls to another man's cell and work. She ended up telling me about it the same day I found the calls. She says she only slept with him once, but I don't know what to believe anymore. Making matters worse, we've been intimate once in the past 6 months. Also we are religious and active in our church. I still have feelings for her and want to do what's best for the kids, but I don't think I can trust her.
2007-03-21 04:46:21 · 35 answers · asked by jojogonzo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well you need not be the fool...You could try counseling, but the damage has been done more than once, get it with your church maybe...I don't think you will ever get this out of your head...I feel bad for you and the babies, her sorry but anyone who says i need to time to figure out what she wants, should have done that before she gave birth...She may have some mental issues...Was she OK after the baby was born? Could be that whole post pardom (spelling) thing, or she needs something more to fill her day...
2007-03-21 05:22:29 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would certainly say u have reason not to trust her.
Marriages can work after an affair but it takes a very strong will by both parties to do it.
IF this was the first time she had done it, then I wouldnt question telling u to try to make it work for the sake of the kids. However, this is the second time (as u know she had intentions to sleep with the other guy when she took the break from u). Dont be niave and feel like she will change. She wont. Apparently, there is a big problem in your marriage somewhere.
My suggestion would be that the two of you attend counceling before u make the decision to step out of it. Maybe they can get to the root of the problem and once u figure out what it is, then the two of you can work towards fixing it if it can be fixed. If its something that is just not able to be fixed, then I say move on and dont put anymore drama around your kids.
I wish u luck.
2007-03-21 04:57:20 · answer #2 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She did it to you once shame on her but now she did it twice shame on you. It is obvious she does not want to be in a committed relationship. Are you sure that the 6 month old is your baby. Well a cheating wife is not what is best for your kids. She is not setting a good example for them at all. If she was true to her religion she would not be committing adultery. She is obviously very confused and you deserve better and need to move on. She knows that can can do what she wants and you will forgive her but that is not love. You don't think you can trust her. YOU CANNOT TRUST HER!!!! Not one bit. When my daughter was 6 months old, the last thing I thought about was sleeping with other men. What is wrong with this women. She needs to focus on her family and her husband that is supporting her. Let her go and she will realize the grass is not greener on the other side. Get your head out of your *** and grow some balls!!!!! Sorry for being so harsh!!! I'm sure it hurts but you dont need to be her doormat.
2007-03-21 05:00:42 · answer #3 · answered by L 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok - first go to www.fivelovelanguages.com - This is a web address for a book written by Dr. Gary Chapman. He's a Christian author who has published many books on marriage. I think you might find this web site and some of his books very helpful.
2. Pray about the situation. Trust God to help you make the right decision. There's a great movie that just came out, "Facing the Giants." If you haven't seen - I highly recommend it. The main point of the movie is that there is NOTHING too small that God can't handle! If you both want to make this work - He can help you do so.
3. Talk to you pastor and see if he won't do some marriage counseling with you. There's obviously something she feels is lacking in the marriage and she's going outside of it to find it. On top of that, her actions, have hurt the trust in your relationship. You need some neutral ground to put all your feelings on the table.
4. From there you need to make time for one another - as a couple and as a family. Dinners, movie, conversation, praying, devotionals - you just need to see what works best for you.
I know it's hard when kids are involved, but if you can't make this work - then you're not doing them any favors by staying together. I don't give advice to get divorced, but I do know that there sometimes isn't any other option. She broke your wedding vows by committing adultry - so Bibically, you have a valid reason for getting divorced.
I pray things get better for you and your family.
2007-03-21 04:59:12 · answer #4 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The same thing happened to me, you're never trust her, always having it in your mind that shes out doing something she shouldn't be doing.. I wouldnt stay just because of the kids, because you are only going to get hurt more and more each day!!!! obviously shes not thinking about the kids or you, because if she was then it wouldn't happen---on the no sex for 6 months, try different things to spice up the relationship, if you still want it!!!! this helped in mine and my boyfriends relationship... and then sit down and tell each other what you guys want and need to have a normal marriage!!! good luck!!!
2007-03-21 05:13:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I know from experience that your marriage will never be the same. The trust issue. My first husband cheated on me and I tried to make it work for 7 yrs. He didn't stop. He wanted his cake and to eat it too so to speak. I couldn't put up with it so we got divorced. I got remarried 8 yrs ago to the love of my life, my soulmate. Other than putting up with his "perfect" kids, our marriage is great. I really feel for you. I don't want to squash your hopes but I think she will do it again and again. You can do better. My husbands ex-wife cheated on him while they were active in church, he knew nothing about it until she took the kids and left one day. Other people in the church knew but didn't tell him. I know everyone wants to do whats best for the kids but it's not always best to stay with a cheating spouse.
2007-03-21 06:05:19 · answer #6 · answered by cellphone_lady 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NEVER, EVER STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS. That's the worst thing you can do. God will forgive you for trying to keep your marriage together but she will have to pay the consequences for adultry. You did nothing wrong. This will continue if you don't take action. Also, you might want to get a paternity test on your youngest child. If she's been cheating off and on and considering you guys don't do it that often, the kid might not be yours. Good luck and God bless.
2007-03-21 04:55:16 · answer #7 · answered by Italionaire 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I rarely will tell anyone to give up and divorce, but in your case I will.
She left to "find herself" (always such a lame excuse), had an affair, expects you to be OK with it.
You have since caught her in ANOTHER affair. And she hasn't had sex with you in 6 months?
She has slept with him ONLY ONCE? One time or 1000 times, I don't care. I'm sorry, but she is a lying cheating woman. I could never stay with someone like this. Some things can be forgiven, but this is too much for me.
2007-03-21 04:50:12 · answer #8 · answered by Disco Stu 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Break it off man, people always make the mistake staying in a bad relationship "for the kids" that never works out. the kids can tell that thier mommy and daddy have problems. They might be lil kids but kids arent dumb. Break it off and try to get custody of the kids and get child support.
2007-03-21 04:54:50 · answer #9 · answered by kalebs_daddy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'll probably get blasted here for my thoughts but if it is a sexual reason, (one or the other or both, is not satisfying), I think your marriage can be saved. It sounds like she can't get enough at home. Find out what the hangups are and see if both of you can come to a fix. If she just doesn't love you anymore then you need to file for divorce and move on.
2007-03-21 05:13:12 · answer #10 · answered by Xam 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋