It was 8years ago in high school when my best friend of second grade betrayed me. She was the only one that knew I was having a baby....before I know it everyone knew. I was not showing or did anyone from my family or the dads family say anything about me having a baby. I am not upset that people knew it is just that it is my place and time to tell who I needed to tell. She was the only one that knew. Now she is trying to contact me and act like if she did nothing. I understand time has gone by and we have grown up but it still hurts and I just cant see myself open up to her again. I keep telling her she betrayed me but she just acts like she doesnt know what I am talking about. I need some advise.
2007-03-21 04:45:29 · 12 answers · asked by LAP 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
We have been back and forth with emails on what she did and I have told her that she was the only that knew and she told others but she states no. I already told her that I was really hurt by what happened and she states that she doesnt know what I am talking about. You guys have to understand I am really low on friends because of this not that I am saying I dont have any friends but since this happened I do limit my friends. She was the only one I had that should of been there for me when that happened but she wasnt. She even made her self look guilty. She didnt contact me after we talked about me having a baby...then before I know it everyone else knew. NOONE else knew but her!
2007-03-21 04:58:49 · update #1
How's the baby?
I guess that there is still doubt with some people here that she revealed your secret. Let's deal with that first so we know what or whom we're dealing with.
Case History: Was she like that? Did she reveal others' secrets to you? Did she reveal her secrets (about her) to you? If yes to both then she is capable of telling secrets of others and of herself. If she did with others but not really of herself then I'd say it's a definite that she was the one who told. If she never told you anyone else's secrets then she can probably be trusted as not telling anyone or telling someone she knew would tell everyone for a reason. What that reason would be is probably that she thought that you would do something that you would regret but since she denies that she said it at all I rather doubt this.
Follow me so far?
It's not really that hard to figure out based on what she's doing now. She's either a manipulator who lies to protect herself and is probably really convincing at it because of the way she denies - such as getting angry and "how dare you" etc - that she did that.
You know her is she that way? Or can you remember? If she's been that way to others honey she's being that way to you. Does she not have any friends now? or does she have plenty? Does she have old friends? People who have been with her for years? Has she been married? Divorced? How long? How long did a marriage last?
It's stuff like that that will tell you if she's worthy of friendship. If the answers are that no one sticks with her - take the hint.
Get back with me on this if you would.
2007-03-21 05:44:34 · answer #1 · answered by cheesphht 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has been a long time, and you may have grown up, but you are still holding it in your heart like it happened last wek.
She needs to understand that she did something that deeply hurt you and made you not trust her. You are not about to "get over it" without her understanding that.
I am amazed that she wants to contact with you again. What for? If she wants to be your FRIEND, you need to tell her" I don't know what you can do to help me trust you again, but you can try. Then be hard to convince.
You need to tell her you want an apology, sincere and tender. You need to tell her what you need to get past this.
If she is truly wanting to make amends, she will do whatever it takes. If not, then she is messing with you.
She might be setting you up to hurt you again, or at the very least, she doesn't CARE that she is responsible for her actions.
I don't want anyone in my life like that, do you?
Forgivemness is the best gift you can give YOURSELF!
Start slow, don't get personal, and just go to the gym or shopping.
Test the waters, and you may get your old friendship back or you may decide that it is too risky.
Good luck.
Take care of YOU First, then have a friend( or not).
2007-03-21 05:04:41 · answer #2 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she still hasn't admitted to what she did and apologized for it, then I would consider not being friends with her again. How would you ever be able to trust her again? Do you have 100% proof that she told people? Did someone actually say that she told them about it? Consider all possibilities. If it got around obviously she told someone, but maybe she didn't tell everybody. That is a big thing in high school and when something like that happens, words fly like wild fire.
Tell her to own up to it and then maybe you can get over it and be friends. Obviously she wants to be friends if she has contacted you.
2007-03-21 05:09:07 · answer #3 · answered by jack russell girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to her about it and you should try to forgive her let her know why you are mad at her then you should try to mend the friendship. The next time you are going to have a baby you should tell everybody when you know that you are pregnant. Think that you and your friend could really pick things back up and be best buds for the rest of ever.
2007-03-21 04:56:12 · answer #4 · answered by Bart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you need to ask yourself, why, why would I need this person who betrayed me in such a way in my life? I think then you will see you don't. Cut ties with her as you once did. You will see that in the end, most people only have a handful of friends they can count on. Count yourself lucky if you have that. I really only have 4 myself and 2 are family.
2007-03-21 05:06:13 · answer #5 · answered by Elvira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did she know how much this hurt you 8 years ago? Or maybe if she did know she was hoping time has passed and now she is opening you have somehow "gotten over this?"
In any case I'd let her know why you are so upset with her and tell her that you can't forgive her for this.
2007-03-21 05:01:52 · answer #6 · answered by Amy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought that maybe she doesn't know what you are talking about? Has she ever confessed to telling? What I am getting at is do you have proof it was her or could it have been someone else? I would ask her straight out, did she tell? If she did, no you cannot trust her. But if she did not, you have wasted years to make up.
2007-03-21 04:51:02 · answer #7 · answered by Elizabeth Howard 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your friend betrayed you and now shes acting like nothing happened tell her what she did and say that you wont forgive her......I had a friend that's done the same exact thing and I'm still mad at her.......So tell her you don't want to be friends anymore.....
2007-03-21 04:50:26 · answer #8 · answered by Laraisa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of saying only, "You betrayed me," say, "You betrayed me by telling people I was pregnant." Tell her straight out that you have not forgiven her, and that you are not going to forgive her. Then, tell her you're going to do so and go ahead and block her email, phone number, etc; you don't have to have contact with anyone you don't want to have contact with.
2007-03-21 04:51:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her know that you will talk to her, but it will never be the way it was. Something similar happened to me, and my girlfriend and I did not speak for 11 years. Then all of a sudden we started talking again. I cannot, however, trust her the way I did back then.
2007-03-21 04:51:11 · answer #10 · answered by SuzyQ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋