Am I just crazy or has my husband not grown up yet?

Question

OK, here's the thing, I work a 45 hour a week job(granted it's not a hard job But even still it's a job) leave work, pick up the kids, go home, cook dinner, get the kids a bath, clean house , put the kids in the bed,do laundry,get the kids clothes together for the next day, get a little sleep, get up get the kids ready take them to school, go to work, and run errands on my lunch break. My husband is a truck driver he is seldom home and when he is he plays his XBOX! Even if he gets home and I have the T.V on he will take over. He plays XBOX Live and I swear he talks to those ppl 95% more than his own family. Do I have a good reason to be upset? We have been married for 8 years (together 10). Is he ever gonna grow up and help me out? I know he isn't home and he likes to relax but when am I gonna get a chance to relax? Help me?

Answer 1

Wow, I can definitely see your problem. Guess what, it's communication time. I've been married 8 years too and sometimes things like this come up and it's really hard to reach them. You need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. If he is non-responsive...next time he is on the road get rid of that bloody thing. When he comes home I'd wake him up by saying it's either you or the stupid Xbox. That you cannot do all this by yourself even though he's not there most of the time. But when he's home he is expected to be part of the family and help out. Granted he is entitled to some free time to relax, but that is ridiculous. It should be focused on you and him doing things together or watching a show together anything but that bloody game. Those games are dangerous and become much like and addiction like alcohol, drugs, etc... They are doing all kinds of studies on this...here is an example:

Though Gaming addiction is still disputed, it is argued that its symptoms would be quite similar to that of any other addiction. Common addiction symptoms include:

Tolerance, as defined by either of the following:
A need for markedly increased amounts of time on the game to achieve satisfaction.
Markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of time on the game.
Withdrawal, as manifested by either A or B below:
(A) the characteristic withdrawal syndrome, 1, 2 and 3 below
Cessation of (or reduction in) game play time that has been heavy and prolonged.
Two (or more) of the following, developing within several days to a month after Criterion:
(a) psychomotor agitation
(b) anxiety
(c) obsessive thinking about what is happening in the game
(d) fantasies or dreams about the game
(e) voluntary or involuntary typing movements of the fingers
The symptoms in Criterion 2 cause distress or impairment in social, occupational or another important area of functioning
(B) Use of the game or a similar service is engaged in to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms.
The game is often accessed more often or for longer periods of time than was intended.
There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control game play time.
A great deal of time is spent in activities related to the game (for example, purchasing game books, looking at fan art sites, posting on game forums, researching game tips/hacks, gold farming).
Frequent talks about the game in daily life.
Important family, social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced in duration and/or frequency because of game use.
Game use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical, family, social, occupational, or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by Internet use (for example, sleep deprivation, marital difficulties, lateness for early morning appointments, neglect of occupational duties, or feelings of abandonment in significant others).

My husband became an alcoholic and it was destroying our marriage. It took him a visit to the hospital with a heart condition induced by alcohol to wake him up. So I know how it feels to be overwhelmed and dealing with another love of his. Good luck!

Answer 2

You are right, unfortunetly a lot women are in the same kind of situation. In an ideal world you could wait till he's home for a week, then take off on vacation by yourself and let him see how hard it really is to manage all the things you do, but most people don't have that kind of luxury. Make a list of all the things you would like for him to contribute in (include playing games with the family, outings, and household chores) then give it to him so he knows exactly what you would expect out of an equally involved partnership. He probably just doesn't have a clue of all the things you do.

Answer 3

My fiancee and I struggle constantly with his video game playing. I know how frustrating it can be. You love him and never get to see him, so when he's home you want his attention all on you.

You are not crazy. And it's probably not that he hasn't grown up, either. If he's driving a truck, away from home most of the time, that's pretty grown up.

You need to sit down with him (not when he's playing video games, and not when he's laying down to go to sleep. Those are the worst times to try to talk to a man) and explain to him how you feel about his habits. Explain that his children would love to spend time with him when he's home. Don't make completely his responsibility, though. Plan something for the whole family when he's home. Tell him in advance about it, and do not let him back out. You will love seeing him interact with his children, they will feel loved by their father, and he will have a way to unwind from his long trip that involves the entire family.

By all means, still allow him time to play video games. Sometimes, guys just need that, for some reason. Tell him that you won't bug him about it if he limits the amount of time he does it, and is a normal functioning part of the family when he doesn't.

You have a good reason to be upset, and I understand your need for his help. Contrary to popular belief, guys are pretty reasonable creatures, and if you explain the issue calmly and don't nag, he will probably be willing to work something out with you.

One more thing: Remember, he loves you and the children, and is gone a lot because he is trying to support you.

Answer 4

He's not going to change. They never do. Only women constantly change in maturity (for the better). Men are exactly who they were at 21 - only chubbier. This is why women should never marry a man with "potential". You have to pick a guy that already takes care of his business and who has a equitable outlook on children and division of labor. He's not going to EVER change. I guarantee you. Stop doing things for your husband. Just take care of you and the kids. Otherwise, the only other thing you can do is kick him to the curb. No amount of begging, pleading, whining or nagging is going to change him. Live with it or get out. If it were me, I'd get out.

Answer 5

Yikes, what a crappy situation. Hubby is worse than the kids. Do you ever voice that you need help? Sometimes men are just ignorant and they don't even notice somethings going on unless you hit them over the head with it. Tell him how you feel, if all else fails hide all the xbox games, just kidding but it sounds fun doesn't it?

Answer 6

Yes, you have a right to be upset with your husband. Have you expressed this annoyance with him? This is his family too and he needs to demonstrate more responsibility and be a father figure to his children. Relationships are not all one sided and you cannot continue to give, give, give while it seems as though he is taking and not returning. You should be working together as a team to raise this family. Team work involves everyone pitching in together, not just one. I would suggest you first talk it out with him and then give him some time to show that he wants to change. If not, then he needs to decide if he is married to an XBOX or to you and if he wants to continue to be married to you he needs to step it up and take some responsibility. If he wants to act like a child, treat him like a child and give xbox priveledges....a designated time he can play it. Maybe that will help. Definitely voice your opinion and let him know that you are upset and annoyed.

Answer 7

You are an admirable person to do as much as you do for your family, but sorry to say he may be just set in his ways, and he just expects that all you do to be your role. He is just selfish not to see that you need a helping hand, and he is just not considerate. I would try approaching him gently, to discuss your feelings, and see where it goes from there, don't flame the situation, try to keep the tone at a respectful level, and see if he will work with you in making a plan to help you out some. I have been there, and am still there, it is alot to be full time working mom that does everything for the household. My new husband does help, thank God. Best wishes, good luck, people seldom change their ways without fearing they will loose something valuable to them.

Answer 8

Honey that is just the way men are, sorry, I went thur this for years, have faith there is light at the end of the tunnel, the kids do grow up and move out, I know its a long way off, but it will come sometime, my youngest son at the age of 3 told me one day Mommy someday daddy and elton will grow up and leave you but I never will, it was funny, and he was right about Elton growing up, he did move out and so did the youngest he is now 30, daddy is still here ,but he still hasnt grown up

Answer 9

sadly, this is an on-going complaint that women have. many men think that when they come home from work its "me" time. a friend and i came up with this plan a couple of years ago and it made a real difference. we wrote down everything we did in a day for one week. and the end of each day we presented it to the hubby in question. it might go something like this: up at 6 am, shower, dress, make bed, get kids up, dress kids, wipe up bathroom, feed children, pack lunches, sign, school papers, pack diaper bag, feed dog, wash in dryer, pay electric bill, kids in car, kids to school and daycare, work by 8:30. lunch time- call mom about dinner on sunday, drop off prescription, get hubby new socks, get car washed. out of work 5:00. pick up prescription, stop at grocery store, pick up kids, home, get dinner started, get homework started, throw in laundry, help with homework, wash breakfast dishes, break up kids fighting, answer phone, switch laundry, let the dog out, deal with the neighbor, clean up living room, serve dinner, do dishes, play with children, switch laundry, answer the phone, kids into tub, jammies and a story, straighten their room on the way out, wipe up bathroom, fold laundry, check backpacks for next day, lay out clothes for everyone, straighten up a little more, mop kitchen floor, read mail, shower, bed at 12:00.
this is a slow day!! maybe your hubby needs a reality check.

Answer 10

Well, you prolly wont change him, but you deserve a break. When he is home, schedule yourself a pedicure, leave him with the kids, he can take them out to eat. 100's of variations, go see a girlfriend, he has to understand you need some alone time.