Should I make amends with an ex-best friend?

Question

I've been finding it quite difficult to move on from a friendship that was broken. I've known this girl since Junior High and are friendship stopped when she had an affair with my boyfriend of 3 years (I am no longer with him). After a year of hating her and not speaking to her, she found me on myspace and ask for my forgiveness. I REALLY forgave her and felt like a monkey got of my back. But a couple of months after we re-kindled our friendship, she started acting weird again. She even had the odacity to give her oppinions on my current relationship which she claims is controlling, etc. Anyways, we said many awful things to each other and stopped talking. But I can't seem to move on. Part of me hates her and part of me wants to write a letter and make amends. What should I do?

Answer 1

It sounds to me like she doesn't know her boundaries. She claims your relationship was controlling, but it sounds to me like she would just like to control you herself. I think that you need to neither hate nor like her. It sounds like she brings a lot of drama to your life, which quite frankly, you could do without. Don't waste your energy or time in hating her and don't make amends either. Some people just aren't compatible for friendship. Find someone who is honest, but supportive and who has your best interests at heart.

Answer 2

Seems to me she is confused just like you .... she doesn't know how to act and thinks by telling you how your relationship are is being a good friend to you ... maybe next time just tell her how you feel and tell her you don't really want her to not tell you what she sees, after not being friends for a long time its hard to get back together just like that , because you guys grew apart, you are not the same like 3 years ago..... lets just say you'll have to start all over again ... just like you first met but know its to tell each other how you changed and do different things... i say you should write a letter and tell her how you really feel... because that thing of her having an affair with your ex well that's always gonna stay on your mind ... even now if your in a relationship you'll always wonder if shes going to do the same ... you cant trust her.. and that's gonna be like that until it changes.. just tell her how you feeling letter or face to face whatever you like better and tell her to write to you back ... then you guys can see if it works if not well there's always other friends out there ... hope this is gonna help

Answer 3

I would not consider her a friend in the first place. First of all I can understand why you had to forgive her for her affair with your boyfriend because hate only hurts you. After you forgave her was where you made your mistake. You cannot rekindle a friendship like that. She IS NOT YOUR FRIEND! She never will be. She will always do things to you. People like her never change. Try to keep a acquaintanceship with her but that should be as far as you go. If you feel like you need to make amends with her by all means do it just don't let yourself become too friendly with her again. She will do something to you again.

Answer 4

write a letter and make amends. it doesn't mean that you have to give up hating her; this is a friendship that will never be the same as it was, because you can't trust her and question her motives. and that's perfectly OK i have a lot of friends i don't trust as well, well, to be completely honest it is a rare find that i do trust a friend but that's another post. it just isn't as deep of a friendship, and quite honestly, if she hadn't have done what she did your friendship with her might have evolved in other ways. as far as her giving her opinion on your boyfriend; was she right, was it something that you didn't want to hear? a true friend is honest, regardless of their motives. those may have been awful things that you two didn't want to say, or had avoided saying to each other, yet needed to hear, for quite a while now.

Answer 5

I would not make amends, I was in a similar situation with a friend I had known since the sixth grade. We have a couple break ups and make ups but I think I was just trying to prevent the inevitable. Trust me after I dragged the friendship on for nearly 10 years I felt unhappy. A couple of months ago I finally had the courage to cut the strings and I'm much happier.

Answer 6

Let sleeping dogs lie. When you wake some of them they show their true colors and become a full fledged b****.

Use this analogy. If you take milk out of the fridge for breakfast and find it spoiled. Then put it back in the fridge and wait six months. You would have to be a fool to be surprised to find that it is still spoiled.

Relationships are like the spoiled milk, if it did not work six months ago it is not going to work next year. Sour is sour move on.

Answer 7

that's tough because she was ur friend at one point in ur life then she hurt u. life is too short if u feel more of an urge to write a letter and become friends again don't fight it just do it. what she did was wrong and it wld b understandable if u don't speak to her most ppl wldnt have even given her a chance u should talk everything out with her and let her know how u feel. but if u do need to move on it will happen over time. i was friends with someone who i called my bestfriend. i never saw her because we moved away frm each other but we talked on the phone over the years. when high school started she just cahnged completely. i found out she was pregnant sophmore year after i called her. she didn't even call to let me know. after that i just putt her off to the side and realized she prbly didn't see me as her bestfriend to begin with. we don't speak anymore and i feel no regrets because i never felt as if i couldn't move i became bestfriends with a friend i never even expected to. so i lost one and gained smthng better

Answer 8

Sounds to me like the friendship is over and prob should be. A true friend does everything to protect each others feelings and it sounds like your so called friend needs to be sent the definition of friendship! Move on...I have found through the years that my best friend is my MOM! She will never hurt me and always be honest...maybe you should look for a friend like that? Sorry friendships are not easy to get over but I think you should move forward!

Answer 9

Well you said that you forgave her.... As for the fact that she gave you advice about a relationship that she doesn't think is good for you and thinks that this guy is controlling you.... wouldn't you want your friends to speak up for you and try to help you out. In my opinion she was just trying to be a good friend. I would apologize to her and try to rebuild your relationship that is if you are truly over the fact that she slept with your boyfriend. If not then I'm not sure that you can repair what you lost.

Answer 10

Sounds like you are stuck here, and perhaps asking her forgiveness would be a good thing. That will help you move on. After you have mended your friendship, decide how close you want to be. Not everyone is compatible, and so you two might decide to be friendly, but not super close. Nothing wrong with that!