i have a friend guess u could say my best(only) friend (my others all live out of state) who constantly says she'll do something then doesn't.. says she'll call, says she'll help, or even borrows money and says she'll pay it back and then never does... she just started being like this since i've had my new baby (i already had 1 kid and she has 2) i can't figure out what 2 do.. i've told her about it & she said she just doesn't mean 2 & shes sorry but then does it again in a week.. i don't want 2 not b her friend as she is the only other adult i know besides my husband who is always working.. its getting so bad as 2 make me feel depressed all the time and get even more upset when she does this 2 me.. i've known her a long time and i don't know what 2 do.... PLEASE HELP!!
2007-03-21 04:26:40 · 8 answers · asked by demonisce101 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Maybe she's in a phase, or maybe she'll never really be there for you again. It's hard to tell. You'll know in the long run. It certainly sounds like she's turned into a flake, though.
For now, here's what I would do:
1) DO NOT loan her money. Outstanding loans will just stress your relationship further, and you don't need that.
2) When you plan things with her, have an alternative plan in place in case she conks out on you. That way you're not left in the lurch.
3) as much as possible, don't expose yourself to "risks" that depend on her doing something. If she says she'll help, well - don't count on it. If she shows up to help, THEN figure out what she can do.
4) Continue to be there for here. Maybe she's going through something that is really distracting here right now. She may need a friend.
2007-03-21 04:30:04 · answer #1 · answered by Steven D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, you said you told her about it, but was it a 2 way conversation? Did she tell you if she's having any problems, or if she knows why she is doing this? Ultimately, you may have to let your friendship go. Sometimes people move on, and that's just the way it goes. Approach her again, and let her know that this is hurting you, and that you are concerned about her. Do you think it's possible that she feels smothered by you? I know you said she's your only friend. Well, maybe she's feeling the pressure by this. Ask her about this. She may be afraid to tell you the truth; she may not want to hurt you. I do think that you should look for new friends though. Get involved in the community. There should be support groups in your area for moms with new babies. I think whether or not you stay friends with her, you need to branch out.
2007-03-21 11:33:55 · answer #2 · answered by Elise F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say stop spending time with her if she makes you upset. Friends support each other, and with her it sounds very one sided. Get out more, start attending a playgroup, or take the little one to a park, there are plenty of places to meet other people. Go to story time at your library with the child, if your child is in school, join some of the committees there, you can meet other moms just about anywhere, and most are looking for someone to meet too, you will have more in common. Good Luck
2007-03-21 11:33:42 · answer #3 · answered by Melanie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is either terribly forgetful or just very disorganized. She probably doesn't mean to be this way or hurt you. However, you need to set some boundaries as to what you will tolerate. If she can't return loans, then don't give them to her. Don't put yourself in a situation where you are waiting for her to call and putting yourself out. Understand that this is where she is right now. You can calmly react and protect your best interest. Otherwise, your friendship might be over.
2007-03-21 11:35:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop doing things 4 her, and "STOP" giving her money, if she askes 4 it just say that you only had enough money in your purse 4 nappies, and you baught them now your broke, ask her what she is doing with all her money, and tell her you cant afford to keep her going as well as your own family, im sorry but iv seen these people b4 and there what you call users. honestly love your better off without her. youve got children why not join a motherand baby group, that would get you out the house and make new friends good luck....
2007-03-26 08:27:27 · answer #5 · answered by fay y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A person will only do to you what you allow them to.. You are a grown lady and sooner or later you will realize you dont need freinds... Its okay to have someone to socialize and hang out with but youhave a family at home you do not have time to be worrying about anotha woman... Obviously she doesent care that she is hurting you.. She knows when she makes promises she cant keep... So i honestly say if you continue this friendship she will continue to use you...
2007-03-21 11:33:54 · answer #6 · answered by Im da Example 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you try to make other friends?
To me it's like she knows that she is your only friend and that she takes you for granted... It's like she knows that, what ever she does, you won't turn your back on her...
Isn't she taking advantage of you?
2007-03-21 11:36:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2007-03-21 11:31:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋