having no luck with trying to make contact with girls i like the look of, and its really depressing me?

Question

i have borderline personality disorder, im waiting to be assesed for therapy. in the meantime i have no social connections, no friends, no female friends. never been in a relashionship with a girl. im 29 now.
recentley, a two year relashionship with a girl online, on msn messenger, just drifted apart. she said she didnt have the feelings about me, she once had. i got really close to her and made her the centre of my life. she told me she was gonna move to the uk next year so she could be with me. now thats not gonna happen. she used to tell me how much she loved me, and that she would stick by me. i keep staring at her pictures on her myspace page. she told me recently she just wants to remain friends on msn, and she wouldnt be coming to the uk. shes from canada, in hamilton. i really miss her, & feel like pleading with her not to leave me. i am very needy, get clingy and have intamacy problems. i got very low self esteem to.
i recentley told her i was diagnosed with bPD & i awaited

therapy. i told her i dreaded telling
her, and i was sorry for my insecurities
and posessiveness about her. i got upset
when: she deleted a comment i left her
on myspace, telling her how much i loved
her: she said after two years, when i
thought we were serious, that she was
still single on myspace. : when she
talked about having fun with other
guys, that she claimed were just fr
iends.: recentley she put a blog on
her myspace, saying how she liked
someone else, but he had a girlfriend.
this cut me up. she said' hi' to me
on msn yesterday, and i got out of
her that she slept with this someone
weeks ago. shes already gotten over me.
i know she was only 20, but i loved her.

meanwhile, every other girl i try to make
contact with through myspace, who i like
the look of, never responds or gets back
to me. and its making me feel even more
socially excluded. i just leave standard
friendly messages, saying my age, that im
looking to meet new people, and to get back
if they wanna chat. but none get back.
i feel very lonely and isolated every
day. i dont have a life. amoungst low
moods i have high anxiety, which stops
me from going out. can anyone help?

Answer 1

If you look anything like the picture you have then that may be a problem...also maybe you talk too much because this question is way too freakin long.

Answer 2

I can see a few issues in your question.
First of all you are depressed. They say it is impossible for somebody to love you if you don't love yourself. I know that sounds impossible, but it's possibly true. I think you should go through your therapy first before you try to start any relationships. Feel better about yourself first.

Secondly there is a big problem with meeting people online. Myspace anf MSN can be fun, but people lie and deceive you. They can lead you a long and it isn't healthy. It's not the same as having a face to face relationship with someone.

Thirdly you can't just talk to girls you like the look of. Looks mean nothing. Somebody can be gorgeous and not be suited to you at all or in fact me a really horrible person. Also many girls don't like meeting men on Myspace. They find the idea dodgy and don't want to end up with a stalker. Don't take their rejections personally. They don't know you so they aren't really rejecting you.

Finally I think this girl has broken your heart. I really understand that. Plus if you are suffering from BpD it will feel a million times worse because you won't feel able to cope with the pain. Go through each day, even if it feels like you are just going through the motions. Undergo your therapy. One day you will feel better. It takes time and professional help. Don't be afraid of accepting professional help. A personality disorder is just as much of an illness as anything else. There is treatment and you can get better.

I hope I have helped you in some small way.

Answer 3

Hi mate,

Listen, you need to leave the internet alone for a while. It's really easy to get connected to someone over the net and feel like it's serious. It's easy for girls to make promises to move and be with you - because in their head it's all fantasy; they're unlikely to do it. Don't be hung up on this girl. You haven't done anything wrong to lose her - the only thing you did wrong was to get too involved in the first place. Ask yourself this - if she had been serious about you, why didn't she meet you in person instead of keeping it all online for 2 whole years?

You said yourself, you get too clingy with people. You need to sort out what's going on in your own head before you can have good relationships with women. You don't want to keep going round in circles and getting hurt, do you? It's so much better to wait until you've got yourself sorted - then people will be more willing to get to know you.

When you start getting therapy, ask if you can become involved in some kind of centre or community with people who also have BPD. They will understand you more and won't be put off by your clinginess. It's not your fault that you have it, don't blame yourself. But do the best thing for yourself and stop getting involved with the internet, because you will end up getting hurt. If you have to talk to anyone online, talk to men and make new friends - not girlfriends.

x Emmie

Answer 4

First off, stop trying!!! The biggest turn off to any girl is if you try too hard. It sends the message that I am desparate. Desparate is bad. Secondly, get off the internet!!! I fell into the internet dating trap before and didn't find anything meaningful until I left the internet dating scene and started real life meeting people. Thirdly, if a girl drops you, it is only a chance to meet someone new. It may be harsh, but until you meet the right one for you, women are recycleable. And finally, deal with your problems with yourself first. If you try and meet someone while you have these personal issues, then you will without any control, dump these issues on them. The less baggage you keep, the more attractive you are. It isn't about looks, it is about compatibility. Baggage lessens compatibility. If you learn yourself and how to control your fears, you will gain the confidence you need to get rejected or accepted and move on to the next step. And of course, rejection happens. No matter how you look or act, you will be rejected more than you will be accepted. I had a streak of about 30 rejections in a row. I got engaged to the 31st I talked to. Once you are ready, practice on real women just talking. Get off the internet!!!

Answer 5

Stop trying to meet the love of your life on the Internet, go out and meet real people, make friends and ask these friends for advice on the best way to approach women. Declaring love over the Internet to some-one you've never met...well, I'd find that creepy. Find a real women that you like the looks and personality of and try not to be so intense and clingy-its not attractive.

Answer 6

Women do not want needy type men with self-esteem issues.
You will never gain this woman's attention if you are always letting her know exactly how you feel. Women get quickly bored with a man who can't keep her attention and that can't keep her guessing. You will need to learn these things. What the hell have you got to lose? It's up to you and your brain to get past your problems.

Answer 7

You might have difficulties if you look like the 80's person in the image.

Better not to whinge and look for sympathy too much, especially in a long winded way like you have here.

You seem a rational, lucid enough person. There is no reason you shouldn't be able to put it together.

Get out more, meet people.

Answer 8

Go out and experience real females. Most of us have beautiful voices, smell of wonderful perfumes and soaps, and have very soft skin. Your computer doesn't possess any of these wonderful qualities. In other words, get a life, get some lithium, and get into therapy.

Answer 9

!Sounds like you need to turn off the computer and get out there and find nice people who live around you! Go join a gym or a support group or attend Church either way you need some fresh air friend! Good Luck !

Answer 10

Oh come on , get real , you sound like a wimp.,talk like a twerp, and would make most girls feel uncomfortable about your true intentions.
Why are you telling the yahoo world about your inhibitions ? were i a girl i would have reservations immediately , you come across as a very creepy disturbed person.

Answer 11

dude...i'm sry about your situation...but lets get real here...these internet things are a great big joke...there is no real connection, nothing holding people to each other, only their utter loneliness...the only internet thing that works, and i know cause i am soon to marry my internet babe...is when you connect with someone who lives near you, and you start to physically see each other...

dont mistake any connection for a love connection...just get yourself a lil better put together and meet someone in person...lots of luck!