Husband Problems, is it time to seperate?

Question

Well here is the thing am always arguing with him, and mainly its because of his mom. I am getting tired, we have lasted three days straight with out talking to each other. Her problem is that I dont leave my son with her. And another thing, my husband sister is pregnant, (shes 16), and he is so mad and everything and his mom calls him and the only thing that she is going to cause is him going to fight that guy that got her pregnant, and in the first place they have been having fights with him already. And whats worst he doesnt want anything with her.My thing is that his family is still his mom and dad, siste etc. and not my son and me. He tells me other wise. But thats how I feel. His mom talked a lot about me and my family, since I got pregant when I was 17, and they talked so much about me,and now I feel like I need to get back at them. And now I dont know what to do, this morning we had an argument, over nothing. I need help, on wether its time to seperate, I cant take this anymore

Its not a safety issue its that she is always wanting me to leave him with her. I cant enjoy my baby.Say for example at church, she will want him with her the whole time, and I want me baby to be with me. AM just not ready for leave him with her. She does not respect me as the mother; she beleives she has more authority over him or more rights. And that is not right.

Answer 1

Communication is not a reason for separation.

The two of you need marriage counseling.

You also might want to consider moving further away from family (yours and his) for a while so that you learn to depend on one another and only one another.

Answer 2

I never advocate separation or divorce. I have seen couples come from hopeless situations and, through a lot of hard work, manage to make it work.

The first thing you need to do it talk to your husband. Going three days without speaking is unhealthy for your relationship, for yourself, and also not doing good things for your son. Children notice silence between adults just as much as they notice loud arguments.

Explain to him how you feel about the situation with his mother. Why won't you allow his mother to take care of your son? She is his grandmother. If you don't feel comfortable doing it for long periods of time, ask her to look after him while you go grocery shopping, or while you go to the gym. This way she doesn't feel alienated, but she also doesn't have him for entire days. Is it a safety issue? I don't understand why you don't allow her to see her grandson.

Anyway, the issue with your husband's sister is a family issue. That still is his family, although he has another family in you and your child. He's being immature saying that he's going to "beat up" the guy who got his sister pregnant. It takes two to tango. the boy doesn't have a choice in being involved. He has to pay child support, by law.

These are small things that are causing you to fight, which suggests that there is something bigger lingering under the surface. If you and your husband have an opportunity to sit down and discuss things, the bigger issue may expose itslf. If you have the means, seek professional counseling. Whether or not you are religious, preachers and clergy members are very good counselors, and they are generally very affordable, if not free.

It doesn't sound like you are completely commited to the marriage, since you ask "is it time" to leave. It is never "time to" let go of a commitment that you made for the rest of your life (except in situations of abuse/adultery). You need to commit yourself to this marriage, and accept your husband's flaws along with his good points. In-laws are something that every family deals with. The problems with them can be overcome.

Answer 3

When you get married you usually inherit in-laws and therefore they become family. We don't get to pick our parents but in a roundabout way we do pick our in-laws as we choose our spouse.

I noticed that you pointed out everyone's flaws or what you perceive to be their flaws, and made no mention as to how you contribute to the chaos this family is in. The reality is we are all contributors but none of us want to change our behavior or put others needs before ours, we want everyone else to change and to meet OUR needs. Every one of you, by your definition, sound incredibly self-centered except when it comes to working on your own character defects. You ALL are too busy pointing fingers at everybody else which is how we make sure we never look at ourself and our behavior and do what we can do, which is change/control our own behavior.

Another reality - very rarely does someone marry a person with this type of family unless they come from one just like it. Are you ready to be honest with yourself? Then start dealing with your issues and as you mature you will make more mature decisions and handle things in a mature manner. You haven't been taught any different and neither has your husband. Make the first move - learn how to deal with things in an adult way - seek the knowledge and help you need. Or, keep on fighting and finger pointing and blaming - end up divorced and find a new actor and redo the same play again. And again. And again. Write a new script for yourself.

Your choice. Your life.

Answer 4

When you have these inlaw issues, sometimes it's best to step back and let them deal with it. You have no reason to get back at these people. The tables have already turned on them, with their own daughter being pregnant. Can't you see that?

Stop arguing with your husband. Hopefully, he won't jeopardize his own future by fighting with this other guy, and hopefully he'll get over his anger soon. You can help him in this regard, by staying out of it and taking care of your own family. You have a son to raise and a husband to love. Concentrate on that and don't allow your sister-in-laws pregnancy (which has nothing to do with you) destroy your marriage. Be supportive of your husband, as much as possible, and leave the rest alone. Above all, let go of the past, before it consumes you.

Answer 5

There is a much better calmer world out there, really, but you have to be ready for it, prepare for it. Some people get caught up in mad drama because they think that's all there is...but it isn't.

Like the others have said you can't control the actions of others and only have the strongest control over your action's.
If you can't create peace in your home by not adding to the drama...there's a saying that goes I'd rather be in peace on a roof-top alone than be in a house with a quarrel-some mate. You can do bad all your-self

Answer 6

So you want to consider divorce and RUIN your own child's life because you and daddy can't play nice? RIDICULOUS! As far as his sister, then unless the guy raped her then she is just as STUPID as he is. It takes two to tango, as you found out when YOU got pregnant at age 17. I think your husband should ALWAYS put his wife and his children first, but YOU need to understand that his mom, sister, etc is your family too. If his mother wants more of a relationship with you and her grandson, then what's wrong with that? I think you ALL need a couple of therapy sessions because clearly you all care about each other. You just don't know how to behave like adults.

Answer 7

There is way too much drama in this family. If you want to put up with it, cuz it won't change, then stay. If you need a break, seperate for a little while and regroup yourself. The rest of your life is ahead of you; want it to be like this?

Answer 8

Why don't you try being nice once instead of a little witch with a capitol "B" Your son is his mother's GRANDCHILD and your child is being served a raw deal by not ever getting to be spoiled by the grandparents. Stop being silly and abrasive because you don't like her. Were you unaware that he had a mother before you married him?NO. it's a package deal!!

Answer 9

There is only one person over whom you have contol: you. Accept that fact, and start behaving like it. If your husband chooses to fight someone, so be it; he will have to reap the consequences. Stop allowing yourself to be pulled into all the drama. Rise above it. Focus on your own personal dreams and goals, and work on pursuing them, to turn yourself into the kind of person you want to be.

Answer 10

marriage has it's ups and downs. You have a lot of external issues interfering with your marriage. Consider trying to resolve those issues before walking out on the marriage. Get some counseling.