Is there somebody who you don't really like but they think they are your best friend?

Question

There is this guy who used to work for my husband and he is forever borrowing tools etc, his wife doesn't know he smokes so he comes round ours to have a sly ciggie. I think he's got a cheek, he's arrogant and is only nice when he wants to scrounge something. Last summer he turned up out of the blue with his kids asking if it was OK for them to use our pool - do you think he has got a cheek - we made excuses because we were going out, but we really don't want anything to do with him, he's married so he's not alone. He's the type to take offence if you say anything, so we just keep fobbing him off, he doesn't get the hint. Any ideas?

Answer 1

I know the type, a user and fair-weather friend. Don't blame you for not liking him. He really loves himself, from what you say ... I think that it's time to say something direct and firm, as he isn't paying any attention to your hints. If he takes offence, well you don't care, you don't like him, right?

Just make sure to get all your property back first.

Answer 2

Unless you are smokers yourself make your house a No Smoking Zone. Easy to buy the little signs, put one up on the gate, front door wherever. He won't know it's mainly aimed at him and if he attempts to light up then you put your foot down and shouldn't be hard unless he is blind and hasn't seen the signs. When he wants to borrow something just never have it or going to be using it yourself. You say he takes offence but are you really worried if he does? However this is just ways of fobbing him off, it's not how I personally would deal with it. It seems you and your husband don't like him, sounds like you have good reason and if he will not take the hint you just have to be as straight with him as possible, if you don't want to say outright you can't stand him just tell him you are sorry but your value your privacy as a family and it is just not on him popping in and out univited. Good luck.

Answer 3

If you don't open your mouth for what you want, you want eat what you want..... in other words, if you don't take the initiative to talk to him, nothing is going to change. assuming you decide to move, and you happen to experience pretty much the same scenario, how many time are you going to move? He is probably ignoring your hint, or he knows nothing at all, or he has no where to run, and the only thing that comes to my mind right now is that he is having a problem with his family. However, you may think that his problem may not be yours, but your family is now involved in doing things you don't want to do, like lying, or making excuses.
Set a time, confront your self, and see what potentials you have....call him, set a date with his wife, or who ever he lives with, make the environment non-hostile, bring the issue on the table with a low tone, hit points after points, tell him you are not his family's problem solver, but rather, you want to save your own, and need that peace of mind with him too.

Remember, if you don't open your mouth, you want eat.

Answer 4

The only way to face arrogant people is to be straight with them - they can give it so they have to take it - otherwise their arrogance grows and they manipulate (as they are doing with you and yours) and forever will it continue. So no excuses - just say how come you only turn up to borrow - as in our air space our tools etc., etc., He no doubt will do a uturn and it will not be in your pool - by the way, I will be calling next week to use your pool, make sure its heated and I only smoke light cigarettes and can I borrow your extension lead for my car vac please - you see I bet you can answer me back, so go for it.

Answer 5

You have my sympathy! i've had a "friend" like that too! I have never figured out why she thought we were close. I swear i never did anything to encourage her! What you are going to HAVE to do, as HARD as it will be for you, because i can tell you are nice people and have not wanted to hurt his feelings. Is your going to HAVE to hurt his feelings, and tell him that you are busy and involved with your own family and do NOT appreciate people just popping by. Then he will start to call you 1st and after you say you are busy a few times, he'll find someone else to pester. At least that's what worked for me. Good luck!

Answer 6

my next door neighbour is like that she is always asking my partner to fix this can she borrow this an it gets on our nerves ,she is much older then me but thinks that we are best friends whenever i buy new cloths she goes an gets the same things but they look so stupid because she to old to wear it ,now i try to ignore her as much as possible but it is hard, but when she asked weather my partner will put her carpet down or something like that i say he's not in an i always look throw my spy hole before i open the door ,don't move just try to distance yourself gradually an he should stop soon .

Answer 7

well i would be polite to him but i would state that your pool gets used by you and your family only, and if they would like to use it, then he is to ask first or wait to be asked, if you don't tell him now then he will continue to just turn up...so be firm but polite, if he gets offended then shut him out completely, don't give him a reason to bother you any more

Answer 8

Let him get mad, but tell him to quit acting like he has no life when he in fact has a wife and kids. If not he will continue to bother you.

Answer 9

Change your number and always look through the peek hole so you dont have to answer the door. always put car in the garage so he thinks you guys arent there. Or fake sick, real sick. UGH! how annoying!

Answer 10

Move. Yes it's exaggerated, but if he's that bad, move. Or tell him-
"Not to be rude, but honestly I really hate the smell of smoke, could you please not smoke around the house?" Then go to his wife and sit her down and ask her to help. (if you like her)