My fiance and I have been together for 2 years now. Recently I have begun to get quite annoyed with a few things. We both have full time jobs and split the costs of everything right down the middle. Somehow it has come to be that I take care of almost everything in our 'household'; paying all of our bills(he pays me back for 1/2 at the end of the month) on time, cleaning the house, cooking, grocery shopping, doing our taxes, cleaning our cars, etc. My guy is a fabulous man and always thanks me for what I do, but sometimes I feel like that is not enough. I feel stupid saying this, but I wish he would be more thoughtful and surprise me with little things. I am always buying him little surprise gifts and cards to show him that I love him. He has never given me flowers or cards or anything. I am a little emotional right now and I know that I am just being a girly girl here, but what do you think?
2007-03-21 04:07:41 · 22 answers · asked by h_nanny 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unless you want to feel this way the rest of your life and be his mom...sit down and talk to him about this. Split the household duties, car care, etc. Agree on a bill paying schedule. If you don't work these things out now, don't expect to work them out after the I do's are said.
2007-03-21 04:13:05 · answer #1 · answered by curious74432 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am not sure that splitting everything down the middle is a great plan. That creates a lot of tension and much more work than necessary.
As far as taking on all the chores, that is definitely too much. The best thing to do is ask him to be responsible for some of the chores.
It sounds like he is really enjoying you doing all the work and he just has to thank you and go about his business. Tell him that he needs to participate because doing everything is too much for you. You need his help.
As far as little gifts and surprises, did he do anything like that when you met him? The question here is are you asking him to change or are you missing something that you originally enjoyed in your relationship?
Most people tend to have standards that they live by. I love to give my wife little surprises, but not all men are like that. If he never did that type of thing, he may not be comfortable starting two years into the relationship.
Take care,
Troy
2007-03-21 04:22:26 · answer #2 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you are not being unreasonable. Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you would like little surprises that they would be really nice and make you feel special. You might also mention that tomorrow would not be the best day for a little something because then it will feel like you made him do it and not just because he wanted to.
You can't expect guys to do what you want them to if they have no idea that you wanted it in the first place.
AND ONE MORE THING..... things don't always get worse after marrage those people are just using there own personal bad relationship to generalize all marrages my husband and are just as well off now if not better than before we where married.
2007-03-21 04:16:00 · answer #3 · answered by Ali 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, you can tell a man till you're blue in the face about how you would love a little reciprocal appreciation and they still wont get it. Until you stop doing all the things that you do for them will they realize it. Just stop. Make him pay all the bills and you can pay him after the fact - tell him you don't have time to do it anymore, do your own taxes- not his, only clean your car, wash ONLY your clothes. Stop buying groceries. Stop buying him gifts. But the key to making the "light come on" for him is to not complain about it or nag. Just stop doing it. When he asks why, tell him you don't have time to do all his stuff and your own. Leave it at that. My husband did the SAME exact thing to me. The problem with women is that we would rather take care of it all then to leave it all undone. YOU HAVE TO DO JUST THAT. Once I got over the "need" to make sure that everything was taken care of for the both of us, things changed dramatically and he started to carry his own weight. I'd hear - why don't I have any clean clothes? My response, well you need to wash some. He'd say - their aren't any clean dishes? I'd say "wash some" on and on and so forth. He got the message without us ever having a fight, raising voices or nagging. Works like a charm.
2007-03-21 04:21:13 · answer #4 · answered by Lilith 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe, maybe not. At least he is showing some appreciation...tell him that you like the fact that he is appreciative, but sometimes it would be nice to have something "extra", after all, actions speak louder than words. Tell him that occasionally it would be nice to be surprised with a hot tub waiting for you, a foot rub, a nice dinner (even if he makes it), coming home to a clean house.....anything that you do for him that gets taken for granted. Sometimes men just aren't like that, you know?
2007-03-21 04:18:47 · answer #5 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see where it would get to you. Have you tried talking to him about it.??? Some men are not like that. My bf now is but my ex bf was not. You take the bad with the good. Pick and choose your battles. If it means that much to you for him to do that then you need to let him know that it is the little things that count and give him examples. Maybe he does not realize that is what you want. Tell him and if he is the good man you say he is then I am sure he will do that for you.. Good luck
2007-03-21 04:15:44 · answer #6 · answered by Sarah G 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh Honey, My husband and I have been together for 10 years and I'm here to tell you, It doesn't get any better. Only worse. Maybe there is hope for your guy since you are kinda early into it. Just tell him. Sit him down and talk to him. Say ok this is how it is and this is how I want it. If he truly cares he will atleast try. You can't let it go and not tell him because it will eat at you until every little thing he does drives you crazy. Talk to him and if all else fails CUT HIM OFF!!!! Good Luck
2007-03-21 04:17:12 · answer #7 · answered by tonyaniezek 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think you need to sit down and talk to him. Also there is a wonderful book you need to read called "The Five Love Languages". The book describes how each person expresses love differently and also how each person prefers to be shown love. I think this would help you two relate to each other much better. Good Luck!
2007-03-21 04:12:32 · answer #8 · answered by suzyalexisandgabe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you have the right to get irritated. It sounds like your
fiance has grown complacent in your relationship. Talk to him
about your deep feelings, and ask about the things both of you did when you were just dating--you know, like unexpected
kisses, little gifts, loving surprises, and gestures of intimacy.
Somehow, you two need to put the spark back in your
relationship--without that spark, you won't find happiness in
your future.
2007-03-21 04:24:22 · answer #9 · answered by SlownEasy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you think this is bad now, it is TEN TIMES WORSE when you get married.
I wish someone had told ME this.
I do almost all the childcare, bills, housework/cooking, AND I have a part time job.
My husband works. Hard. All day. I get it. But I have like 4 jobs, plus I am supposed to kiss his *** when he gets home. And if I ever ask him to do something, like take out the trash or watch the kids for a few hours, then he throws a hissy fit.
My life is a feminist's nightmare right now. Thank for letting me vent.
2007-03-21 04:14:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋