My husband is telling me is hasn't giving up on the marriage and still loves me but?

Question

I need to change, or he will leave me. I listen to what he has to say for hours, then when I want to talk then everything I say is wrong. I'm pregnant and he says he will take the baby away from me when he leaves. He says everything is always me. But he hit me for 3.5 years of our marriage, drank everyday, degraded me everyday. And he has stopped the hitting and drinking but now he thinks he is perfect. When I called him when I got to work this morning, he just yelled at me that he didn't want to talk. I feel so freaked out about everything, and how am I suppose to believe that its all me, when people from the outside say he is nuts. I just dont see how he can think he is perfect..Of course I dont want to have a baby in a broke home , but I think he is saying all this to have control over me. Any advice? He now wants to stop the marriage counseling because he says the marriage doesn't have a problem but I do.

Answer 1

I too think he is nuts.. I would recomend to try and make it work but if your not happy get out and take your baby.. He has no rights to the baby unless you put him on the birth certificate. Then if he does try to take the baby he has to prove your an unfit mother.. I personally have 6 kids. I have custody of 3. 1 with my fiance and 2 from an ex that I proved was unfit.. It took me 3 years of trying to prove she was unfit then one day the cops picked her up for a dui at 730 am picking up my girls from daycare so now i have custody.. but dont let him control you!! If you need more advice just email me

Answer 2

It sounds as though, him thinking you have all the problems is his problem. You can't force anyone to marriage counseling. Continue the counseling on your own. I honestly cannot say whether you are in the wrong at all or not as you have not stated any of his complaints. However, it does take two to make a marriage work and go wrong. He cannot take the baby away from you, you are the mother. Unless you are a big time druggie or an irresponsible parent, he will not win that. So atleast take that off your mind. The only other thing I can say to you is that no one wants their child to grow up in a broken home, but it is better for them to grow up in a broken home than to learn bad behavior by how their parents treat each other. Good Luck to you.

Answer 3

You are in a bad abusive situation that is just going to get worse, the fact that he does not hit you (anymore) and the way that this is going he will probably hit you again, since obviously he has not changed at all, he is just doing so mentally and verbally, keep putting you down and causing you and your unborn child to leave in an environment of terror and despair. You are already part of a highly dysfunctional environment and this is where you want a baby to grow up?
Do the right thing and get out now. find out your rights at a local shelter/women's group, legal aid lawyers.
Use you options now, so your child will have a better life in the future, as far away from the monster you married.

Answer 4

First of all, nothing has changed in your marriage. The physical abuse stopped, but the emotional abuse never ended.

He is showing the classic signs on an abuser. Abusers always believe that they are right and you are wrong.

The drinking and hitting may have stopped, but they will start again in time. He is starting on the cycle of abuse again. He is perfectly following the cycle of abuse. Look at the first link in my source list for the cycle. He stopped the drinking and moved into the honeymoon phase and the calm phase but that is now moving on to the tension phase.

Abusers usually do not stop the abuse in their lifetimes. With agressive counselling he might be able to learn to control himself, but if he is not in counseling he will continue the abuse.

Look at the second link in my source list and you will see the Wheel of Abuse. You will see his threats and emotional abuse clearly in the wheel.

The best thing you can do is to contact a women's shelter and get out of there. The abuse will never really end.

Take care and Good Luck,
Troy

Answer 5

From what your saying your husband does sound nuts. There are two people in a marriage and it takes two to mess it up. He has been really aggressive for 3.5 years and he has had control over you in one form or another. Right now, he is trying to isolate you and make you totally broken - I think that if you two are already in counseling and it is not working and you have tried going to every length you have - start working on you and setting aside a nest egg so that you can get yourself out of there - if you can't do that try the women centers right away to get the help that you need and to get your baby out of danger. You need to get away from him because it is going to get worst. Verbal abuse is just as bad if not worst than physical abuse, you can't hide behind the scars and it plays over and over in your head.

You are worthy saving, and you are worth having someone who will love you and treat you right.

Answer 6

My husband is a user .. drugs and he has beat on me from time to time...
I'm still in my marriage asking marriage advice from you all....
I know the feeling of being irratated amd sad worriesom
but girl IT MOST DEFINATLY IS A CONTROL THING
he CANNOT take the child from you after its born without first prooving you a "unfit mother"
so ask yourself this
Are you
1) a unfit mother?
2) do you have any reason to belive that the courst could deem you unfit?

I would probably say no..
you would just have custody battles
and with his drinking history
they courts would probably deem you the more fit parent

if he stops the marriage counceling then stop it
sekk personal for yourself...
i wish i would have ... :-(
i wish you the best of luck
I'm in the process of finding help for me at this very moment
God Bless you and the unborn child

Answer 7

Oh what a jerk he is. You really don't deserve this at all. He is not nice and you seem way too good of a person to waste your time on him. You should leave him, have your baby and live your life in peace. He was and will always be a loser. Don't let his stupid comments make you feel bad about yourself. He knows that the more he puts you down the better it makes him feel. Leave him quick before he hurts not only you but your baby as well.

Answer 8

At this point you need to continue the counseling for yourself and focus an you and the baby. If you have family/friends close then start to lean on them. nobody wants to see you in this situation. you need to think hard about what type of "family" you'll be bringing this child into and if it's a safe secure home. Remember ... the baby doesn't have a voice so now you have to make good, healthy decisions for both of you.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like the marriage has a problem. You need a better environment to be pregnant in for Gods sake. I would focus on the baby and then divorce this nut at my earliest convenience. No one deserves to be treated this way. Be careful he may start the beatings again.

Answer 10

Would you hope for this kind of mate for your daughter? Why would you accept anything less?

I'm sorry but I just don't have any sympathy for you. You have known that this has been a bad relationship for years and you have stayed, and now you are bringing a child into it.

The second time you allowed this kind of thing to happen you became just as responsible as him.

Why are you asking for us to care more about your well-being then you do?

Frankly, any woman that would bring a child into this is the definition of an unfit mother.