Drugs are wrecking my marriage!!?

Question

I love my husband i have been with him since i was 17 years old we have 3 beautiful daughters...
I do not drink or use drugs ... I rarely even finish a presciption from a doctor when they are prescibed...
My husband is from a family whom 100% of them drink/use
After 9 years its starting to wear me down ...
I am sad all the time, and no matter what i do it seems to always be my fault~
When i married him i said till death , for better or worse, I do love my husband i just hate what he has become ....
he steals my money ... can't hold a job( because of urine test)
I know that help is out thier.... (Al Anon) but i dont have the time in my day to go!! (between working full time, kids and school)
Any sugestions?

Answer 1

Find some way to leave him and make him understand its because of the drugs, It may be the wakeup call he needs!
Until he understands what he has lost then he can't straighten himself out. Also, suggest rehab but if he is addicted and his friends are and family it will be hard for him to quit unless he removes contact from his friends and family that are users.
In additon you cannot force him to go to rehab

LEAVE HIM

Answer 2

They do have al anon for family so u can attend with children for they go through just as u do.Children see n hear a lot more then we realize n even if it doesn't show it also effects them.Family counsilling is also an option or just for u n your husband.This is not healthy for u n your children to b around this n for there sake at least u need to do something.Love means nothing when it comes down to drugs.As much as u love someone drugs will take over n u will do things u normally wouldn't do.Things can get worse n what if your childrens things start going missing.U will lose everything if u don't seek help now.It sounds as though he might need a rehab.If this has been going on for yrs then it will take up to the same amount of time to get better.It's time for tough love n it will hurt u n family to b like this to him but if your willing to try for your family n him then u need to do this.Tell him u will do whatever to help him get better but u will no longer support his habit in any way which means u won't allow it or him high around the children.Offer to help him get into rehab.Let him no u r willing to stick by him.Just to let u no he might not like this at all n it might not go the way u want.He might even leave n not want to get better.U can not make some 1 get help he has got to want it himself.If u love him u will help him with tough love n believe me it is tough on all of u n u need to b strong for u n the kids.U can also look up al-anon on the net n find the numbers for your area an speak to someone about this situation n they can provide u with all rehab number out patient programs etc...there r many options n to find out about them contact AAA.Hope this helps n good luck, hang in there.U have already made the first step, good 4 u for doing so.

Answer 3

This may sound bad, but I turned out fine coming from a similar household. My father was a major alcoholic, and an opiate addict to boot. When I was an early teenager, he dropped the drinking, but started taking even more codeine, hydrocodone, etc etc all the time. He was opiated-out 100% of the time, until about a couple months ago. (He got Salmonella, so he couldn't take it during that time period). He may have started up again...but he's an old man now. I've grown up, finished 2 degrees, I work doing research for a University, and it's all good.

And I couldn't have asked for a better father. I worship him like a God. Although he had substance problems throughout my entire life, he was (is) a terrific role-model and an unbelievably caring man. He insisted on the very best for me, and pushed me to do well in school and get a degree in Chemical Engineering. He himself never finished high school. He's been a simple fisherman his whole life. But his ability to keep me motivated, successful, and happy is incredible.

My mother is perhaps like you. She HATED all of these substance problems (and still does). They're still married...well over 25 years now. She's a successful Senior Vice President at AmSouth Bank, and makes a lot of money...and she's very "straight edge". They hate each other on the outside...but they're old, and they just quarrel about silly stuff like any old couple.

At the end of the day, my family with a conservative and well educated mother and a drop-out opiate-addicted fisherman father, ended up working out very well, and produced a successful young Chemical Engineer/Chemist.

Answer 4

Have you tried marriage counseling? Also, if that doesn't work, you don't want to put yourself in the position to to be hurt or for your children to be hurt. And if you're sad all the time, then that's probably a good sign that you are in some way being neglected emotionally. And from the statement you made about everything seeming to be your fault, that said that your are being emotionally abused if not verbally abused. You have to take a stance: either he gets better because the family is suffering (also letting him know that you will be there supporting him every step of the way) or you have to leave. If you feel you are in danger though, then you might want to contact a women's shelter. It is better to get help now than to wait...it only gets worse. From the sound of things, you are in a very unhealthy relationship. Please don't let him drag you and everyone else down with him. Love yourself enough to know when to let go. Please take care of yourself.

Answer 5

Trish first of all I do am sorry for whats going on with you. Yes there's a group that can help your husband but like what you said your schedule is not permitting you. you can change that, the kids school are week days, and is your days off on a week end?/.if so why not go on a week end with your husband to this group that he needs to attend to.Or you could talk to your church pastor or priest, and I know that they will lend you a helping hand. Drug addict will do anything and everything so they can get their drugs, don't let your husband end up stealing somewhere else or Else the circumstances will be bad. Try to make time for the sake of your kids.....good luck!!!

Answer 6

Sometimes you just have to face reality and the hard choices in life.
Read your words over and over till you hear what you are telling the world ... literally telling the whole world..
You should think only about your children and their futures..nothing else rt now...what could be more important than that?
I have a 24 yr old friend that has 3 kids, was a call girl and no job.. she made a hard choice and is now working and getting goverment assistance..it is available to you also..
it only takes a week or two to turn it all around...sometimes only a day ad a call to family or a real friend .
she has neighbors and friends and family helping.
you can do it also.
The hardest choices are sometimes the best ones...

Move in with family asap!

Answer 7

Coming from a similar background as your husband and having an ex who was a druggie I can tell you that your first consideration needs to be your children and yourself. I recommend that you go to therapy and work out these issues for yourself. Learn about tough love. Talk to someone at your local Domestic Violence office. Abuse has many forms and cycles. Your children deserve better than this. No one says you have to divorce this man but you do not need to be around him. All he is doing is draining you in so many ways. He needs to learn that his actions have consequences and that you have set boundaries and he has crossed them. You need a lot of resolve, a good support system and to always keep your sights on giving your children the best life possible and that does not include a father who is out of control. You have choices, you don't owe him, he is responsible for his choices and actions, not you. Remember the 3 c's...you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you didn't choose it. Good luck to you. If money is a consideration, call your local Mental Health Dept. for assistance.

Answer 8

Been there did that My ex wife and her family all druggies and drinkers .It didn't bother me to much I was always working made real good money but I did get her to stop drinking and drugs for 8 or 9 years it was the best time of our marriage to me to her on the other hand it was the worse . To make a long long story short if its in there heart to be that way then that's the way there going to be . To them there is nothing wrong with the way they chose to live . If you cut him off from the money and try to make him support himself he is going to think hes getting a bum rap from you and well not think very much of you . To those people being high is there happiness .Not you not your kids .

You are going to have to make a choice .Stay and get him help and hope for the best.If that doesn't work stay and put up with it or get yourself free .

Answer 9

I am praying for you. I know this is the toughest of positions to be in and there are really NO good options. You have to pick from bad and worse. The important thing is that your girls grow up with a healthy idea of what a good relationship, and a good man is. That does not necessarily mean that you have to leave him - only you can tell that. We just don't (and can't) have enough information to decide. But you should make the time for some meetings for yourself - and your girls too if they are old enough. You also want to make sure they have a good, honorable man who loves God in their lives for a role model.

The book "Strong fathers, Strong Daughters" might be a good one for your husband to read. It isn't going to be a fun read for him, but it may scare him straight. It makes the case that he is the biggest influence on the type of relationships and men your girls are going to have as adults. Right now they are on track to want to fix him and will pick men like him so they can make "him" better.

Godspeed to you - be strong and remember that He does not give us obstacles we cannot overcome.

Answer 10

AWW, I am sorry! It sucks that you can't go to his family and have an intervention. What kind of drugs is he using? Does he care what your family thinks? Could they have an intervention? Do you have a church organization that you belong to? Maybe your bishop/pastor could talk to him and get him in counseling? I think from what you have said..you need to tell him what you have told us, and then add either ship up or ship out. Get your crap together for these girls or you have got to go. It sounds like because you married him for better or for worse he is secure in that and feels he doesn't need to change. You know you and the girls are in jeopardy fight? If he has a dealer- they probably know where you live and what if he comes home high and hurts one of you? sounds scary to me. Sometimes things like this have a way of working themselves out. He could get caught and go to jail. Pray about what you should do.Pray for your husband A LOT! A LOT! A LOT! ;)

Answer 11

You're going to have to make time for the sake of your 3 beautiful daughters. It is not a healthy environment to grow up with a dysfunctional dad and a mum who is sad all the time.
Take things step by step. First, pick up the phone and ring a helpline or your local government office or whatever and find out what is available for you and your family. Take the first step. Take it now.