I really need to know, should I leave?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 3 years -together 4-we have a daughter, he makes good money, but I'm unhappy. Our relationship started out based on lies. He lied to me about everything at first, and by the time I figured this out I was pregnant and scared. He was from a different state so i guess it was easy for him to feed me lies, plus I'm gullable and had just left a bad relationship. He cheated on me with my best friend a year ago, and since then i have felt no loving feelings towards him. I felt like i had stayed with him through so many lies and deceptions, all of which he blames now on a bad childhood and depression, and then he cheated on me. Trust me i have cried so many tears over all of this. He makes me feel like i'm crazy now. he made me go to the doctor for depression medicine, and still now says i need to get over everything and honestly tries to make me feel like i have mental problems. i guess i'm scared to leave and start my own life. what would you do? help

Answer 1

That was about the length of my marriage. It was very hard for me to leave. I have 2 children, at the time, they were 1 & 2. If you can get away long enough, things won't be so scary. The key is getting away. Get out while you can. I was mentally & physically abused; I would take the physical abuse any day. The psychological things he done to me haunts me to this day. No one deserves that. You & your daughter will be in my prayers.

Answer 2

The first thing you do is gather every strength you have and instead of being frightened of your husband, I advise you to get ANGRY. What I mean by that is start thinking logically and make a plan for yourself, unless you want to live the rest of your life in sheer terror and full of self doubt and pain with this man.

If you have family, or a good friend, I would confide in them what has been going on in your marriage. Then I would see a divorce lawyer for a consultation. The lawyer will give you the professional advice you need for you to make plans to leave your husband. Sorry dear, but you cannot stay with a beast that is mentally abusing you, cheating on you and trying to make you think you are crazy. He is doing everything possible to deplete you of your self esteem and your inner soul. Once you have seen a lawyer, follow his advice and then make a plan to leave this man or have him removed from the house. If you file for divorce, he has to leave because you have a child, and the child has to have a dwelling and so do you. Now if he refuses to leave, then it will be difficult. This the lawyer must know about. Then I would make plans to leave. Go to Social Services for help and tell them your story of the abuse and see what they recommend. You must get out of this terrible situation with your husband. It is bad for you and bad for your child as she grows. Don't be afraid. Trust God and ask for his help and he will guide you the right way. You can start a life again, all you need is the will and the resolve. Best of luck to you. I wish you well.

Answer 3

He sounds like the creepiest kind of control freak. He probably plays on your heartstrings, he thrives on your tears, you are giving him power. Plan your leave well, set yourself up financially, securely and with a lot of support. This guy is the definition of WIMP. If he does anything to hurt you or against the law, call police to make sure it's on record. The only mental problem you have is staying with him. I would advise you not to seek marriage counselling if he already wants you and probably others to think you have mental problems, he is wanting you to initiate problems in the marriage of course because of your mental state. He is very deceptive and manipulative as you have stated, Have you thought about hiring a private detective? This may seem a little paranoid, but believe me I have seen it happen, where the mother did suffer tremendously. Please just get help for yourself. Good Luck

Answer 4

Ok...let me catch my breath first.
Sweety, just by reading your story, you already know what you need to do. If any relationship based on lie is bound to destruct soon or later. To make this matter worse, he cheated on you with your best friend? What are you still doing there? If you had right mind you should not be sitting there writing sad stories like this. Move your butt and move move move~ What are you waiting for? Christmas?
Cheater do not change...liars do not change....you cannot change someone. Get this through your head. No matter what happens, your husband will not change for anyone. Get out while you can. If you put up with him any longer, you'll probably go crazy. Get out...get out...!!

Answer 5

Girl, I would have left when I found out he had lied to me about everything. I would have flew off the handle when he had sex with the best friend! WTF!! I would most definately leave leave leave!! This is a bad situation thats only gonna get worse the longer you stay TRAPPED in it!!And dont cry no more! This "man" aint worth it!! I saw my mother go down like this. Now she is middle aged, married to a man she despises, and very, very, unhappy. Just ask yourself if you wanna live a wasted life, or a happy one with your daughter, yourself, and perhaps another man.

Hope this helps!Good Luck!

Answer 6

u have a low self worth, and are afraid of being alone, u loved him and wanted to trust in someone, but u got involved too fast and really didn't get to know him that well. u don't have mental problems, its because he wants to sweep what he did under a rug and forget it, but until he acknowledges what he did hurt u, your not going to get over this. if it were me, and it was me once, i would leave him even if i was afraid of the future, because the future always seem to work out some way or the other no matter how bleak it looks.

Answer 7

You are in a very difficult situation i feel your pain. I have not experienced it myself but i have love ones that his in a similar situation. First you need someone close that you can talk to about your problems like a support system family, close friends, etc.. Second you need to sit down with your husband to see if he is willing to get some council to make your marriage work. Its hard to build trust in your marriage mate once they have committed adultery. Third ask yourself are you willing to forgive him for the things he has done if not it is best to separate and be around those who love you. It seems like he got the best of you I know it is hard to leave just think about the affect your marriage has on your daughter. Take my advise if someone emotionally and verbally try to kill your self esteem and make you feel hopeless and worthless they do not love you just leave..........

Answer 8

Stop being scared and move on.Your marriage is over.Trust is everything in a marriage without trust you have nothing.Face it you have nothing with him.File for divorce and move on if you stay you will become more and more miserable why stay with someone that make you feel like you are crazy..When he cheated on you you should have left your marriage was over then..

Answer 9

You need to see a therapist and talk these issues through with them. They can help you see things in a different way and work out solutions for yourself. They will help you reach your own decisions using your own reasoning skills. If money is an issue, contact your local Mental Health Dept. for assistance.

Answer 10

Ask yourself the one question you have been ignoring..why? I would suggest you started to make this work NOW, start jazzing things up, better sex, less nagging, watch the weight and start being a pleasure to be with. Try O to completion A outdoor dress to impress, submit a bit more.....or I see a long lonely depressed sexless and overweight future for you...sorry if the truth hurts......