i live with my wife we have 2 kids (boys) i love the kids with al of my heart but i dont love my wife i can bear to leave my kids so i stay & suffer in silance
2007-03-21 00:03:47 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I couldnt do it but many do..Just imagine when your children are all grown up and left home?..It will be just you and the wife you dont love.Do you really want to waste these years with her?.
2007-03-21 00:07:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The question really is "Are you just bored of the same old boring routine with the same person?"
Maybe you love and care for your wife but you,re no longer "in Love" with her.
Marriages are hard work... you have ups and downs and you cant walk away so easily like when you were not married without children.
You can live with someone in this situation if you get on okay together but if you,re thinking that you need a new love in your life then the right thing to do for your family is to tell the truth.Move out... your boys will still love you and you will get access ,Hopefully you and your wife could be ammicable for their sake.
Dont try to live a double life though because this will work out far messier.
Try and rekindle things with your wife and if there is no chance you can live as husband and wife you,ve got to go.
I hope everything works out for you and your family
2007-03-21 00:19:06 · answer #2 · answered by Lorraine D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't love your wife, but do you still like her? If you can live in relative harmony with your wife, then that is probably best for the kids but if there is a constant low grade antagonism, the kids will pick up on this and may suffer or use it to play one parent off the other. What does your wife feel about you and does she know of your lack of feelings for her? You mention that you are suffering in silence. could you rebuild the love between you? Counselling may help in this respect. I am sorry that this is probably more questions than answers, but thinking about them may clarify your own position. Good luck for the future.
2007-03-21 07:02:24 · answer #3 · answered by SLH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first question u ask urself is why have i fallen out of love with my wife? By the time you know this, the next step'll be for u 2 see how u can re-ignite that love. But if it seems like a lost cause, then do what is best for the kids (u love so much). Will they be happier with a divorce or not.
2007-03-21 00:13:39 · answer #4 · answered by easy-does-it 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way to love your boys is to show love to their mother. (Even if you feel no love in return.) Do you realize what a powerful message you're sending to your boys when you do this?? They will learn the values of commitment, faithfulness, perseverance... & they will even learn by example how to love their future wife.
I have the hunch that you want some excuse to get out of your marriage to cover up the longing to be with someone new. You don't feel respected, right? You may have turned to pornography on the Internet... You may sense that someone at work admires and respects you more than your wife does...Am I getting warmer? You know, "the grass is NOT always greener on the other side". You're probably looking for satisfaction for the loss of love in your marriage. Well, do something proactive about it.
You could stay and start showing acts of love to your wife...even if she doesn't show any respect to you. You will be so surprised how your feelings will follow your actions. Try finding out what "love language" your wife has... To which does she respond best:
1) Words of affirmation...Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic.
2) Quality Time...Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate.Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.
3) Gifts....Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. A lot of men assume that giving gifts is the ONLY way to show love. Remember, this not everyone's idea of an expression of love. Some spouses give gifts, then they aren't really appreciated & the gift giver feels rejected. To realize that maybe your spouse has another "love language" will help you show love.
4) Acts of Service.... Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.
5) Physical Touch.... Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.
When you start to make the effort to turn around the relationship with your wife, you'll more than likely find that she won't be able to do enough to show you the respect that you so dearly want.
There is a good book for your wife to read too... "Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs" by Emerson Eggerichs". Using Dr. Eggerich's breakthrough techniques, couples nationwide are achieving a brand-new level of intimacy and learning how to: - stop the Crazy Cycle of conflict - initiate the Energizing Cycle of change - enjoy the Rewarded Cycle of new passion
Hang in there... you can do it. You can take the initiative to make this marriage relationship work. Your boys will admire you for the hero that you'll be.
2007-03-21 00:43:09 · answer #5 · answered by bwlobo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So what's up with that? You must have cared for her at one time. Even if you married her because she was pregnant, you stayed around long enough to have had a second child.
Why don't you love her? How does she feel about you?
You need to have a long talk with yourself and decide what you really want. But remember you have a responsibility to those boys. That's more than taking them out for fun every other weekend.
"Suffer in silence..." unless she is physically hurting you in some way, grow up.
2007-03-21 00:11:25 · answer #6 · answered by Blue 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Everyone wants to do the best for their children, but I believe children sense when things are not right - you have to think very carefully whether you really are doing the right thing for them by staying. At the same time, you have to be 100% sure that leaving is what you really want. Have you discussed your feelings with your wife? How does she feel about living with someone who doesn't love her?
2007-03-24 11:08:36 · answer #7 · answered by MrandMrs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT suffer in silence....it can work if you move out....you have to bite the bullet and leave...then you can make plans for your kids to come stay with you on weekends etc...do not stay with her if you are not happy...focus on the kids....get a new life....the kids will have 2 places to stay and it will be exciting for them knowing that they have 2 homes....you have to think about your feelings and your kids feelings....don't stay in a loveless marriage....do something about it....it will be hard at first but things always work out good in the end
2007-03-21 03:47:56 · answer #8 · answered by Dazzlebox 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm the same, I don't love my husband anymore but I stay because it's easier than leaving. He's not cruel or unkind, we've just drifted apart and I know he feels the same. Our children are in their late teens, one at university and the other going in a couple of years. I think when they've both moved out I'll probably suggest to him that we split up but until then I'll put up with the situation.
Good luck.
2007-03-21 01:01:45 · answer #9 · answered by shady lady 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The key word here is suffer. Life goes on, and it is up to you to make the changes. Your boys aren't stupid. Kids are very receptive. Do you think it is healthy for any of you??? Split with her. Get visitation with the boys. Maybe you can start a new life, and everyone will be much happier in the long run.
2007-03-21 00:10:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes you sure can if you want and choose to. Seek marriage counseling and help to learn how to love your wife all over again. Why do you not love your wife anymore if i may ask? What has she done to make you fall out of love with her? Have you told her how you feel? Does she even know that you no longer love her? She has a right to know and you should be honest and tell her.
http://www.drphil.com
2007-03-21 00:10:35 · answer #11 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋